See how far gratitude can take you

Posted on September 20, 2013 by Christopher Cudworth

By Christopher Cudworth 

As you make plans for your next long run, ride, or swim, it might be wise to consider how thankful you should be for the ability (and time) to do your favorite activities.

Self-fulfilling prophecies

Gratitude can lead you in new directions.

Gratitude can lead you in new directions.

Plenty of times in life during conversations at a party or some other social occasion we hear people say, “I’m not built for running” or “Running bores me” or “I don’t have time for long bike rides.”

Some of these statements are self-fulfilling prophecy. But some people legitimately are not built for running or riding.

People with physical limitations still do get out there and run and ride. They don’t let their shortcomings stop them from putting in miles to help their minds, hearts and their bodies. The gifts we get back from running and riding usually exceed the pain and suffering.

And when they don’t, we call it character building.

Grateful or ungrateful  talent

Perhaps you’ve met a truly talented athlete who does not seem to appreciate the physical and mental gift they’ve been given. Athletic achievement comes so naturally to them it is hard to conceive that others struggle to do the same sport at all.

An elite athlete like Bill Rodgers (center) may be hard pressed to understand the lesser efforts of others.

An elite athlete like Bill Rodgers (center) may be hard pressed to understand the lesser efforts of others.

At one point in his career, successful marathoner Bill Rodgers called the efforts of mid-pack runners “graceless striving.” And he is right. From an aesthetic point of view, there are plenty of non-professional athletes who lack grace in their chosen sports. Later in his career as he evolved into an icon for the sport, Rodgers mingled with regular runners much more and even had some humbling efforts as he aged. He grew wiser for the experience.

Grace and gratitude

What Rodgers may have missed early on, and what he discovered later in life as he entered the status of a running guru for millions of wannabe marathoners, there’s another kind of grace at work in the lives of most people. It’s not all about being the prettiest or the fastest runner on the planet.

Instead, grace comes through working with your limitations–as well as through them–to discover who you really are. That produces a grateful attitude about your running and riding that actually deepen your appreciation not only for the sports you do, but everything else in life.

True grace

IMG_9433What Bill Rodgers missed in branding the efforts of less talented runners “graceless striving” was that grace in a spiritual sense is a gift freely given and there’s nothing you can really do to earn it.

Grace does not fall to you through the compliments of others or from winning a contest. Grace does not come your way out of earnestness or a desire to be loved. It essentially pre-exists all our human emotions.

If we understand grace sufficiently, it is the most humbling of all emotional connections and also the most uplifting expression of acceptance and love you can imagine. It is a tarsnake in that respect, a confusing and somewhat ethereal dimension of being that not everyone has an easy time appreciating.

Take a look at the definition of grace and you find it has three manifestations in the English language.

Grace: defined 

1. Simple elegance or refinement of movement

2. (in Christian belief) the free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings.

3. To do honor or credit to (someone or something) by one’s presence. 

Grace beyond reason

Should you be disinclined to religious definitions of grace as described in #2 (or here, on my blog The Genesis Fix) you can still understand operative grace apart from God.

In fact Bill Rodgers once noted while competing in the New York City Marathon that he was overcome with a need and desire to do the race with utmost respect, even to the point where the manner in which he held his hands was important. He was calling himself to an alignment with the grace of the moment. Doing something well for its own sake and out of respect for the situation you are in is a combination of grace and gratitude, or grace appreciated. 

Moving in grace

If you have ever experienced that level of immersion in the act of moving, you appreciate the emotions that go with those sensations and feelings of grace that proceed from trying to do something that well. It’s called being thankful for the opportunity.

So while Rodgers might have been harsh toward other runners in his original dismissal of runners less talented than he, it may be true that athletes at that level do experience something unique, and it is therefore hard to bridge the gap between their own experiences and those of others.

In the other direction, it may be the reason why we admire the most graceful skaters, dancers, cyclists and runners or swimmers. Like Michael Phelps. Chris Froome (although not graceful, he can ride…).

Their grace in action symbolizes something rare and difficult to attain. Whether they appreciate their own transcendence is a question for the ages. It is apparent that some athletes do, but some don’t. That only proves they’re human.

Core emotions

At the far extreme of cynicism, a world devoid of grace gratitude is an embittered place, in which we are distanced by an inability to make connections of any kind.

We all know people who suffer from ingratitude, and that can seem hard to understand. But when the core emotions of gratitude are cut to pieces by some deep or painful life experience or circumstance, people tend to turn inward to a life of dissatisfaction with everything they encounter.

That is the opposite of gratitude, and it can be one of the most difficult things of all to overcome, a barrier you must cross to happiness, a hurdle to jump or a wall around which some people can never manage even to approach.

Ingratitude really is a form of death, if you must know.

That is why we run and ride in the opposite direction if we know what’s good for us.  The journey never really ends, but the daily beginnings are what count toward appreciation of grace and its pursuant attitude of gratitude.

Here are the ways that gratitude can take you a long way toward that which you most want to achieve:

  1. Feeling gratitude is wise. It means you are enthused for your best efforts and accepting of your failures, which keeps your running and riding in perspective. It also transfers to other aspects of life.
  2. Expressing gratitude is positive. Being grateful creates a loop of continual positive feedback, and that affirms motivation.
  3. Gratitude is purpose-focused. Mental gratitude helps you remember why you’re doing something as well as how.
  4. Finding gratitude is enlightening. Grace and gratitude open your mind to the value of current activities and the potential of those to come.
  5. Gratitude is practical. Being grateful for the important things helps you release distractions and simplify your life. That is zen, in a nutshell.
  6. Being grateful is sustaining. Gratitude helps you overcome adversity.
  7. Seeing gratitude builds comraderie. You will be naturally and expressively drawn to others who share your grateful perspective in life.
  8. Gratitude deepens satisfaction in what you’re doing. There is no need to rationalize workouts of race efforts when you are grateful for all that you can do, or have done.
  9. Gratitude shakes up the world. Voicing your gratitude can shift conversations and change lives, including your own.
  10. Choosing gratitude is good use of free will. A grateful attitude going into races or workouts strengthens your resolve that what you are doing is possible and beneficial. That’s a good use of what we call free will.

Be grateful for your next run or ride. Or swim! And keep that grateful attitude going. It can sustain you in all aspects of your life.

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Are we ready for zombies that run and ride?

Posted on September 19, 2013 by Christopher Cudworth

By Christopher Cudworth

Walking Dead or the 20 mile mark in a marathon? Hard to tell sometimes.

Walking Dead or the 20 mile mark in a marathon? Hard to tell sometimes.

My daughter just finished a NetFlix marathon watching past episodes of a show called The Walking Dead. It was a pretty grueling effort to catch up on 4 full seasons or so. But she’s a tough girl when she needs to be, and watching zombies die all over again and again and again is something that just needs to be done sometimes.

Every time I’d walk in the room to say hello or ask her if the dog needs a walk, I’d turned to the TV and see another zombie’s brains splattered on the wall behind their head. “It’s not always like that,” she’d laugh and tell me. “You just happen to walk in when they’re shooting zombies.”

Zombie chic

The Not So Walking Dead.

The Not So Walking Dead.

I admit the whole zombie thing makes no sense to me. If any of those zombies was ever treated to what we call a “decent burial” they would not be walking around groaning and talking and casting evil eyes toward their human victims. See, when people get prepared for burial by a funeral home it’s a pretty intrusive process. What we see when we view our loved ones at a funeral is an elaborate ruse. Their eyes are Superglued shut and there are quite a few other tricks used to make up the face and bodies of our dearly departed to make them presentable for the living.

It seems we’re willing to ignore all that to indulge our very weird fantasies about dead people coming back to life to eat us. Or whatever zombies do. I haven’t paid enough focused attention to truly understand the role of zombies in our living ecosystems. It definitely seems like they might upset some social dynamics, especially at cocktail parties when their rotting teeth keep falling into the finger food tray. Did someone say finger food? Keep it down, the zombies love appetizers.

Zombie comebacks

Actually, I think zombies are stupid for wanting to come back to life. They’d have to be pretty dumb, desperate or bored to want to come back to a world where Honey Boo Boo and little girl beauty pageants are tolerated for any reason. When are people going to realize that the phrase “cable reality show” is an oxymoron?

Where you can find real life zombies

The sport of cyclocross has been known to produce a few zombies.

The sport of cyclocross has been known to produce a few zombies.

All that said, I am here to tell you that I have actually seen living zombies. Stand at the 22 mile mark of any regulation marathon and you will see plenty of zombies, especially if you hang out past the time when the 12:00 mile pace. At that point in a race people are basically trying to get along like the actual Walking Dead. The only difference between marathoners in oxygen debt or lactic acid overload and real zombies is that zombies don’t stop at water stations.

Zombie pelotons

Zombie cyclists move through the murk and mud in an early version of the Tour de France.

Zombie cyclists move through the murk and mud in an early version of the Tour de France.

I’ve seen zombies riding bikes too. Our weekend group ride has been known to produce a zombie or two when the pace picks up and the route extends past 60 miles. That’s when Zombies On Bikes begin to appear. It is sad to see their wretched faces, gazes fixed just over the front wheel in an effort to keep moving forward. They raise their water bottles to drink and you almost think the fluids they ingest will pour out their rib cage like those moonlit crewmates in Pirates of the Caribbean.

Personal zombie experience

I have become a zombie myself at least 10 times in my running and riding career. The worst moments are pretty hard to take, when you know you’re dead and don’t really care to survive. That’s when it’s hard to find motivation to be anything other than a zombie. Just one foot in front of the other. Keep on pedaling. Chain yourself to the saddle and stay in the draft or risk falling to pieces.

The three most memorable zombie moments in my career include:

1. The Lake Geneva Marathon when I wound up seeing stars at the Yerkes Observatory just past the 20-mile mark. Sat down to rest and never got back up until someone threw me in a car and drove me to the finish.

2. An 80 mile group ride in April, during a windstorm, in which we still averaged 20mph. I do not remember the last 20 miles of riding. I was simply too dead to care.

3. A ladder workout on the track in which I ran 200-400-600-800-3/4-mile-3/4-800-600-400-200 all at race pace. By the last 200 body parts were falling off on the track. But I came back from the dead after that workout and set a PR in the 10K the next week.

Zombie resurrections

Some very healthy zombies pace themselves so they won't die in the last miles of a half marathon.

Some very healthy zombies pace themselves so they won’t die in the last miles of a half marathon.

Coming back from the dead is not easy. Sometimes a Powerbar is all you need, or a strong swig of electrolytes. But if that doesn’t work the only alternative is to stumble or pedal home and try your best to recover.

I’m pretty sure if you produced a TV series titled Running Dead it would be twice as scary as the series Walking Dead. If zombies could run, the odds against human survival in the face of an onslaught by a group of sprinting zombies goes down quite a bit.

And how comic would it be to see a Zombie Peloton riding through town, chomping at the bit for human flesh while riding Trek and Felt and LeMond bicycles.

It seems like Walking Dead are boring by comparison with really active, fit zombies who have real endurance and speed. Someone should make that show. They really should. I’d be willing to take on a role in that series, even the love interest. Once you’ve had a little zombie action, it is said, you never go back. Or so they say.

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Seeing your way clear to success

Posted on September 18, 2013 by Christopher Cudworth

By Christopher Cudworth

Those of you with perfect vision have no idea. How much. It sucks. To have bad eyesight.

Early onset

My eyes started going bad at about 12 years old. Which double-sucked, because that’s about the age when glasses really look geeky on kids no matter how well-chosen the frames may be.

So you suffer through those years if your parents won’t buy you contact lenses.

27_mclovin_lglOf course parents who suffered through their adolescent years looking like McLovin from Superbad generally have compassion on their own kids and buy them contact lenses as soon as they are old enough to responsibly use them.

But contact lenses for athletes are not just about appearance. They are also about performance.

Lobbying for a better look

My parents paid no attention to my complaints that the glasses they purchased for me at age 13 were negatively affecting my hitting ability in baseball. The frames were thick and blocked peripheral vision.

So I stopped wearing them even as my vision got worse. Soon enough the inevitable happened. A line drive came screaming off the bat of my coach at twilight and I could not see it before it was too late. Off to the hospital and dentist I went to have a tooth put back in my mouth.

Limited options. Unlimited ugliness. 

Glasses have come a long way since those early days of forcing kids into one or two frame styles for kids. That’s right. When you went to the optometrist there were basically three styles to choose from in the early 1970s. Ugly. Uglier. And ugliest.

And none of them was designed for sports.

Except for actual Sports Glasses. Now those were a scary deal. Sports glasses were big black frames attached to your head with what appeared to be a chunk of jockstrap. Girls almost automatically laughed at you when you put Sports Glasses on.

My parents bought them for me as a sort of concession that I was good at sports. But those glasses actually made things worse, not better. The frames were so thick that basketballs were always hitting me in the side of the head because you could not see them coming.

The Squint King

So I went without glasses, preferring to squint my way through cross country races and baseball games and basketball, which was worst of all. It’s pretty hard to find your range on the court when everything around you looks fuzzy.

It went that way all through high school. I finally demanded a pair of wire-rim glasses so that I’d look a little better “for the ladies”, but those glasses repeatedly got shattered on the basketball floor and often had to be held together with athletic tape. I know: Nerd City, right? You did what you had to do when your parents weren’t rich and your glasses got busted.

Lenses were glass back then, and the tiny little pieces resulted from a basketball to the face made the coach livid that practice had to be stopped to sweep up the glass.

Who can blame him? By the time I was a senior, the sport was no longer practical given my eyewear situation.

And that made me a full time runner.

Framing the issue

Still, the glasses thing was still a problem. If you had a strong prescription your glasses were heavy and thick, forcing you to push them up your nose if you did not have a glasses strap to tug them tight to your face.

napoleon-dynamiteAnd that’s how it went through high school and well into college. Think Napolean Dynamite, only ever so slightly cooler, but not by much.

Cool was not a term that would be associated the glasses I wore my junior year in college. In an attempt to make them look a little cooler I selected a frameless style with the lenses exposed on the side. What a mistake. With my prescription they looked nothing like the sample pair on display at the optometrist’s office.

And those suckers were heavy. I spent half of every race I ran pushing them up. Or else the glasses strap was pulled so tight to keep them in place my entire forehead would compress in tension from the pressure. Neither was conducive to good racing.

LutherCC

That’s me, freshman year in college. 8th from left in the back row. Long hair. Glasses.

That was the only year I did not make All Conference in college cross country. And I blame those damned glasses.

By spring I’d made peace with the things enough to run all my PRs in track. But actually, those times came out of anger in not doing well the previous fall.

The fact is, I was in a prison of my own making, with long, long hair, a pair of glasses too big and too heavy for my face, and a Lasse Viren beard that make me look like a Nordic reject.

And that summer I got rid of it all.

Transformation

Cut off my long hair myself, then went to the barber shop to fix the overall look.

Shaved the beard and kept a simple, clean mustache. It was 1978, after all.

And got contact lenses. That was the real kicker.

From 1978 to 2013. Am I still squinting? Looks like it here.

From 1978 to 2013. Am I still squinting? Looks like it here.

I felt like a liberated man. No longer did I have to push my glasses up or run with my face pointing down at the ground in a habit I’d developed when running without glasses.

Life suddenly made sense, and my running started to show it.

That summer’s training was revelatory, and that fall I moved from 7th man to 2nd man on the cross country team. We placed 2nd in the nation that fall in NCAA Division III cross country.

It would not have happened without the contact lenses. I am convinced of that.

Seeing clearly and easily was an important part of that transcendent period, but so was having a clearer picture of myself.  It all works together, as anyone can see. The same thing happened for a dozen or so of my fellow runners. They got rid of the glasses and became a different kind of runner. It worked like magic. Perhaps it was less facial tension. Or less weight on the head. Whatever. It worked.

Laserlike vision

Friends of mine have gotten eye surgery to correct their vision. I can certainly see the merit of that. But middle aged friends tell me they still need reading glasses after the surgery. So I’m not convinced the trouble and expense is worth it.

It would however be nice not to worry about contact lenses while running or riding the bike. And if I take up triathlons as I’m planning to do, not having contacts during the swim would be one less worry to think about.

The real point is that taking your vision seriously can reap pretty significant benefits. Your eyes are an important part of your success, if you know how to use them.

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On the run with The Pretender

Posted on September 17, 2013 by Christopher Cudworth

By Christopher Cudworth

The Pretender (click link to video)

JacksonbrowneThePretender

“I’m gonna rent myself a house in the shade of the freeway,

Gonna pack my lunch in the morning and go to work each day

And when the evening rolls around

I’ll go home and lay my body down

And when the morning light comes creeping in

I’ll get up and do it again. Amen.” –The Pretender, Jackson Browne

On the run with The Pretender

That song The Pretender by Jackson Browne once served as the thoughtful foundation for a 20-mile run on a gray spring day when it seemed no one else was on the road. Being old school at the time, I carried no water and drank nothing the first 17 miles of the run, when I finally bent down next to a faucet on the back of a factory and took the chance the water was potable. Drinkable. Suitable to ingest.

It was. I’m still here. Didn’t die from bad water or get found dead in a ditch beside a running trail. Nope. Never did nothing that stupid.

But that was dumb luck. Instead my stupidity seemed focused around other phases of life. Like not completely understanding office politics, or being too assertive about ideas, no matter how good they were.

And trying in between to figure out what love was all about.

Reason for life

photoWhich is why The Pretender was so apt a song for a young man to sing on the run while trying to reason out his life. Of course, as a product of the 1970s there was plenty of angst toward life and the entire act of making money.  A song like The Pretender perfectly captured that angst.

But always with a Jackson Browne song there was more to the story than simple dissatisfaction with life.

“Caught between the longing for love

And the struggle for the legal tender…”

Thought for fuel

On and on I ran. Not tired or thirsty. The thoughts were too intense to allow such sensations into that run. Thought can do that. And thoughts turned to the women I’d known, or wished I’d get to know…

“I’m going to find myself a girl

Who can show me what laughter means

And we’ll fill in the missing colors

In each other’s paint by number dreams…”

Love was confusing then. Love is real now. You come to recognize love through experience. You don’t rush it. It’s like pacing yourself during a marathon or a long bike ride. Jump at the chance for a quick pace—on the run or in love– and you might suffer later. It’s not sustainable. But you dive into it anyway. Hoping. Feeling. Dreaming. Touching. Trusting.

“And then we’ll put our dark glasses on

And we’ll make love until our strength is gone

And when the morning light comes streaming in

We’ll getup and do it again

Get it up again…”

Studying facets of life

Oak leaves. That long run long ago with a song like The Pretender going round in my head opened a few channels in life. The lyrics fed me as I ran on through 10, 12, 15 miles. The song was a diamond in my head, full of facets and gleaming truths.

“I’m going to be a happy idiot

And struggle for the legal tender

Where the ads take aim and lay their claim

To the heart and the soul of the spender…”

A realistic place

It wasn’t hard to realize that running even then, when it seemed like my whole world, was actually just a treat, like ice cream. Though I tried hard at the time to make it something more than that, running 80 to 90 miles a week, and winning some races, soon enough it dawned on me that it was time to move on from that type of dream. I may have quit competing a bit too soon. But at 27 years of age I was getting married. Having our first child. I had been Competition’s Son since the age of 12. It was time to find a realistic place in the world. But the prospects were daunting. They always are.

“And believe in whatever may lie

In those things that money can buy

Thought true love could have been a contender

Are you there?

Say a prayer for the Pretender

Who started out so young and strong

Only to surrender.”

We lose track of truth

Zen fern. Yes I fell for those lines, a bit, and the harsh reality they represented. But I also learned that the prayer for which the Pretender asks in the song can actually enrich you in different ways. Such as the fact that it is not that money is the root of all evil, but the love of money may lead you to evil things. That’s what the Bible actually says. We lose track of truth in such subtle ways.

Knowing the difference can make all the difference, and salvation lies between.

So in some respects I have surrendered to the realities of the song, but not entirely to the disillusionment it suggests, which can be tortuous if you let it hold you down, or to define you.

“I want to know what became of the changes

we waited for love to bring

were they only the fitful dreams

of some greater awakening…”

When you are running 20 miles you have lots of time to think, if you allow it to be so. And as I ran on, singing snippets of The Pretender over and over again, life stretched out before me as if the lyrics themselves were calling me forward…

“I’ve been aware of the time going by

they say in the end, it’s the wink of an eye

And when the morning light comes streaming in

You’ll get up and do it again

Amen.”

And that’s how most of us go about it. We make a living. And living makes us.

Sustaining hope

Running and riding while thinking things through is one form of sustaining hope for so many of us. We run and ride on, and find love, or lose it, or someone. If we’re luck or persistent, we learn to love again.

DSCN1978And make sense of the rest the best we know how. Earn our livings. Share our hopes and worth and trust. Make love in the morning light. Then go for a run in the shimmering early sun. Together.

“Ah the laughter of the lovers

as they run through the night

Leaving nothing for the others

But to choose off and fight…”

Running past secrets

We all go through difficult things in life and some try to keep them all secret. Pretend they don’t exist. That is the tarsnake of truth. Do things still exist if we never tell anyone?

But those of us who expose our souls on the roads by running and riding know that life is honest and hard and full of tests that can make you a better person. We create for ourselves a reality that faces those facts, or learn to accept them in more positive fashion when they come our way.

“Out into the cool of the evening

strolls the Pretender

He knows that all his hopes dreams

Begin and end there…”

The Pretender in all of us is the person who finds truth between the house on the freeway and the morning light that greets each day. We run toward the light at dawn, and away from the light at sunset. Then we come back home and greet those we care about with hopeful kind words such as, “How was your day?”

And we don’t pretend it has to be any other way.

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Marathon Monopoly is the game of the season

Posted on September 16, 2013 by Christopher Cudworth

By Christopher Cudworth

Marathon Monopoly is a game involving a lot of real estate covered by streets, houses and the occasional railroad along the way to running 26.2 miles.

It might start with a roll of the dice to see if you can get into one of the big races. Lotteries to run a race like New York City Marathon do depend on a little luck. Get in and the game begins. Miss out on the lottery and you Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Spend $200 for an entry fee.

To run a marathon, you have to cover 26.2 miles of Real Estate.

To run a marathon, you cover 26.2 miles of Real Estate.

Monopoly Marathon 26.2

But once you’ve chosen a marathon to race you can start to consider how to cover the Real Estate.

The gun goes off and you begin to cover those early, easy miles from Mediterranean to Baltic Avenue and you’re all purple and happy inside.

By mile 5 you’re cruising Oriental Avenue with that Light Blue feeling of being warmed up and running your pace. You wish the Light Blue feeling could go on forever.

In Jail but Just Visiting

jailspaceJust then your stomach begins acting up a little and before you can turn the corner to St. Charles Place you frantically look for a Porta-Pottie because you know won’t make it to Virginia Place with an upset stomach. So you sit inside listening to the foot plants of other runners going by as you try to relax enough to let nature take its course. Then you essentially Get Out of Jail Free and back on the course and heading onto the Raspberry streets from St. Charles Place to States Avenue and Virginia Avenue.

Electric Company

Just then your iPod goes dead. You realize it must have been bumped by your shoes in the gear bag on the way over to the race, and now the battery’s dead.

Great. You’re 8 miles into the race and the music’s gone. You’ve trained all year with music in your ears and were counting on that pumped up music on your Playlist to get you through miles 16-through-20 and now that plan is out like a light.

Now your iPod feels like dead weight going into the next 18 miles, but you certainly don’t want to throw it away. Not when it’s inscribed with your own name on the back, given to you by that vendor who was desperately trying to win your business. At least you got a nice iPod for listening to their boring schtick.

These are the thoughts that go through your brain during the Monopoly Marathon. ‘

Pennsylvania Railroad

il_570xN.382682990_2e74You’re just getting going when a huge guy in a black New Zealand outfit comes chugging past you on the road. He looks as big as a locomotive, and runs like one.

It seems impossible a guy with that much body mass can move faster than you can, but there he goes. So you slip into his wake to feel what it’s like to run the pace that he’s running, and you’re rather impressed. It’s not pretty, but there appears to be a lot of diesel power in those churning thighs. The wheels of his feet go round and round. Sweat flies off his hair and you have to slip out of his tracks to avoid getting splashed. He’s going too fast for you anyway, and as he moves out ahead you fall back into your pace but glad for the temporary surge. You made up the time you lost in the Porta-Pottie.

The Orange Zone, St. James Place to New York Avenue

Coming up you see an Aid Station and immediately wonder how some people can eat or drink during a marathon. There is even an extra table serving orange slices and you recall that if you were to chew one of those down you’d be puking within a mile. Citrus does that to you. You won’t even put marmalade on your toast on race morning. Too much risk for an orange-tinted pukefest.

FREE PARKING

The aid station water tasted a little funky but you can feel it sinking into your stomach where it cools your core just a touch and then you realize you have to pee. Dang! That’s two stops for gastrointestinal issues but there’s really no choice.

You pull into an alley and hide behind some cars and try to let it go. Some of the pee splashes off the ground and hits your sock. Your new, blisterproof socks. Hopefully pee doesn’t compromise their intelligent weave fibers.

As you go to leave you realize with horror there is a woman sitting in her car opposite where you stopped to pee. You give a little wave and she drops her eyes, and you wonder just how much she saw. Then you think of your female training partner back home and recall how brazen she is about peeing in public. She just drops her shorts and goes when nature calls. It’s no longer shocking to you, much less her. It’s like she has a FREE PARKING pass whenever she needs to go. People just turn their heads or don’t notice her at all.

CHANCE?

You hit the half-marathon mark at your goal pace and continue down the streets of Kentucky Avenue, Indiana Avenue and Illinois Avenue. By now your mind has begun to drift just a little from the effort and you can’t seem to think of the names of relatives who live in the states for whom those streets are named after. Then you realize you don’t actually know anyone in those states at all, especially not anyone to whom you’re related. You wonder why you ever thought that thought in the first place.

This is how a mind in a marathon begins to work, when the incredibly banal seems astoundingly important, you know you are “in a zone.” More than 15 miles into the race, you pass an Aid station by mistake because you are so zoned out or so zoned in, you can’t tell the difference.

Oh well, you grab a cup of water from a spectator and your realize it has the faint taste of vodka mixed in. Somehow it settles your stomach a little and you find yourself moving faster. Even the Pennsylvania Railroad Locomotive Guy in the black New Zealand suit comes into view up ahead. This Monopoly Marathon might just turn to be your PR after all.

GO TO JAIL. OR NOT. 

ngbbs4ce319e7eddd6You pass Atlantic Avenue, Ventnor and Marvin Gardens, but not before you glance over to see a woman squatting by the steps of a brownstone relieving herself. It looks so natural and insignificant that you chuckle and mumble Water Works.

Yet here come the cops, grabbing her by the arms to haul her off for public urination. You stop for a second to turn and protest, but she breaks free and starts running again and the cops just laugh and let her go. The crowd applauds and she waves her arms as if she’s just won the race. She will not Go to Jail after all.

COMMUNITY CHEST. 

There comes a point in the marathon where nothing really matters but going forward. You see men bleeding from the nipples and women who have peeled off their singlets to run in just their jogging bras to get rid of a layer as the day starts to heat up. It no longer matters what body parts anyone has to show or not. You’re are all just marathoners now; torsos attached to a pelvis and legs, with a brain to drive it all. You realize these humbling facts as you run up Pacific Avenue to North Carolina Avenue and Pennsylvania Avenue. Nothing else matters now but to finish. Sex doesn’t exist in your mind. If you drew a card from the Community Chest pile and it read, “You get to sleep with Beyonce” or “Ryan Gosling has the hots for you,” you couldn’t care less. Marathons can do that to people. Uncommon focus comes from uncommon effort.

SHORT LINE

One of the greatest New Zealand marathoners was Rod Dixon, whose unique stride was a hallmark of his running.

One of the greatest New Zealand marathoners was Rod Dixon, whose unique stride was a hallmark of his running.

Just then you realize that your rival in the NEW ZEALAND outfit has come back to you. He’s slowed a little nearing the 20 mile mark. It turns out the guy chugging along like the Pennsylvania Railroad seems to be hitting a wall of sorts.

But then you see something miraculous. The big man shortens his stride and begins to shuffle more instead of stomp. Using almost all new muscles he begins to motor along and hits a new new and better stride. The Pennsylvania Railroad has just switched to the SHORT LINE and that’s one more chance to finish going forward.

PARK PLACE AND BOARDWALK

You’re past the 22 mile point and closing in toward the finish. Why marathons like to finish in posh neighborhoods it is hard to tell. The fans here definitely have a different feel about them.

But then you turn into the park for which Park Place is named and along comes an unexpected hill looming before you. This is your LUXURY TAX for not having studied the course carefully enough. As you turn to run (and perhaps walk a little) up the incline it makes you stumble a bit because your muscles have been doing the same thing for so long it is hard to adapt your stride to the grade of the climb. But you shuffle the hill and turn onto the Boardwalk, where the finish line banner shimmers in the distance, less than half a mile away.

A Temporary Monopoly On Happiness

0x600Crowds line the streets of the Monopoly Marathon, cheering wildly and calling out names and race numbers. All kinds of people, rich and poor, mix together here at the finish. You pass by a small gaggle of people shouting your name. It is your family and friends and some teammates from the running club urging you on.

“You did it!” they call, and you feel a surge of excitement and relief. Your feet are numb and your thighs are slightly chafed. You could have stood losing four more pounds before the race, you know. But life intervenes. The marathon cannot have a complete monopoly on your time when there are other responsibilities in life.

GAME PIECES

As you cross the finish line you begin to think, “Which game piece would you be if you had to name it?”

Would it be a small silver running shoe or a replica of a Finish Medal? Your mind does not work fast enough to decide, because the race organizers are hustling you through and hang a medal around your next that says MONOPOLY MARATHON on the front and FINISHER on the back. This is what you came for. This is why you trained so long and so hard. To do something not everyone can do, to the best of your ability.

It’s like that in the marathon and in life. You do the best you can, to the best of your ability. The rest depends a bit on how you roll the dice.

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7 Ways to Tell If Your Next Workout is Really “Worth It”

Posted on September 13, 2013 by Christopher Cudworth

By Christopher Cudworth WeRunandRideLogo

People who are not professional athletes still have legitimate goals for their workouts. In the face of pressing work schedules or family obligations, it can be difficult to determine how much time to put into your workout schedule. It is easy to overdo it at times, or compromise and do short little workouts that make you wonder if it is really “worth it” to go out the door at all, given the time and preparation necessary to get a workout in.

The tug of time is especially difficult if you’re a cyclist or triathlete. Those sports require a lot of equipment and preparation. Depending on weather and other factors, it can take a half hour just to get ready to ride, much less drive to a pool for a swim workout.

Here are 7 quick measures to tell you whether your next workout is “worth it” in terms of time, aerobic or strength benefit, and meeting your goals:

#1: You’re too excited about working out to skip it

When you’re enthusiastic, it shows that you have energy to accomplish other pressing things even after you’ve worked out. When you’re mentally tired or ambivalent about whether you work out or not, it’s usually a sign that other elements of your life are out of balance. But if you’re excited and drawn to the very idea of getting a workout in, go do it! You’ll be in good stead when you get back.

#2: You’re going to meet others to work out.

Having that commitment to meet other people and fulfill your obligation of being there for them is a great way to measure the value of a workout. There are days when your own energy may be ebbing, but the presence of others can lift you into shape. That’s called being part of a team.

#3: The workout meets a prescribed goal.

If you map out a plan and stick to your goals, then any workout that helps meet those prescribed plans is worth doing. Some days you might not hit your target pace on an interval workout or doing climbs on the bike, but the workout still meets the criteria of a prescribed course of action, so it is worth doing.

#4: You’re already in your gear when your training partners don’t show

If you’re ready to do a workout and your friends let you down by not showing up, for God’s sake use that frustration and energy and do your own workout. They may have legitimate reasons because we all run into snags now and then. Go run. Go Ride. Go Swim. You’re ready to go.

Sometimes it looks worse outside than it really feels. Sometimes not though...

Sometimes it looks worse outside than it really feels. Sometimes not though…

#5: It’s cold. It’s raining. It sucks outside. But you still want to work out.

Sure, you can stay indoors and do a ride on the trainer or run on the treadmill. That’s all good. But sometimes it pays to go out when the weather’s really crappy because 9 out of 10 times it’s not as bad out as you think. But if it is, you’ll be proud of yourself for getting through adversity and that builds confidence, and a reputation as a Hard Ass. “You went out last night? “ a friend might say. “I stayed in and had a beer instead.” You: “Yeah, well. That’s why I’m going to kick your ass this spring.” 

#6: No one else can do your workout for you.

It’s a fact. Sometimes you have to suck it up and go out and do it. You may be tired from a commute or recognizing that dinner might not be as nicely made if you go out and run, ride or swim, but your workouts depend on you doing them. That’s a good enough reason most days to get out the door.

#7: You’re not going to let anyone else dictate what constitutes a good workout, and what does. That’s right. It’s easy to let others convince you that riding for only an hour isn’t worth it. Or that a 3-mile run is not worth the trouble. But experience tells you there is plenty to gain in getting out the door even if you don’t have 2-3 hours to dedicate to endurance training. There’s always someone willing to do more than you in terms of volume or quality. But what matters is what’s right for you.

Anecdotal evidence

While filling up at a local gas station recently, I noticed a fellow cyclist who lives down the block from me. He’s a Cat 3 racer with a long, lean frame and a deep knowledge of cycling and training. It was 10 minutes to 6:00 pm and the September light was already fading, but I wandered over and told him, “I think I’m still going to try riding tonight.”

“Not me,” he responded. “There’s not enough light. I’m hitting the trainer tonight.”

We talked a bit more and he confessed that he did not think a ride less than two hours was worth his time.

I went home and changed into cycling gear as quick as I could, filled up a water bottle and put my helmet on and got 20 miles of riding in before it got dark. My average speed was 19.2 on a hilly course on a windy day. I broke a record on one Strava segment and raised my position on another

All in all it was a satisfying ride highlighted by a rosy sunset and a display of clouds to the East that my eyes soaked in with pleasure.

And it was definitely worth it. Most definitely.

If you go to this much trouble, you should definitely go work out.

If you go to this much trouble, you should definitely go work out.

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What to do when your fitness program isn’t twerking

Posted on September 12, 2013 by Christopher Cudworth

 By Christopher Cudworth

Her tongue is in pretty good shape it seems. Guess tweaking is good for something.

Her tongue is in pretty good shape it seems. Guess twerking is good for something.

As we all bear witness to the phenomenon called twerking so famously demonstrated by the precociously sexual Miley Cyrus in a performance at the Video Music Awards (VMAs), it is important for all of us to consider the role of twerking in our own lives, and how we might incorporate twerking into our own fitness programs.

Because if your fitness program isn’t twerking, you will never be completely satisfied with the results.

Twerking as a fitness component

For example, if you do not build twerking into your workouts, you may not lose the weight you seek to shed. We all know twerking really is the answer to fast weight loss. Otherwise all those girls on the Internet would not be doing it. Why else would anyone really want to twerk otherwise? It’s all about hard bodies and losing the Freshman 15. We all know that.

Twerking as a weight loss tool

It appears twerking can also be done as a team sport.

It appears twerking can also be done as a team sport.

It’s obvious by the frenetic movement in a full-on twerk that the participant is trying to shed weight of one kind or another. What else can explain the low squat and butt jiggles that are a critical part of twerking?

Perhaps the real hope is that some of that butt Jello we see in the videos will eventually shake loose and slip down past the thighs into the ankle area where it can be safely removed with an Xacto blade and a fork. That’s how girls these days stay so slim. It really is.

Marathon twerking

Of course if you are training for a marathon (26.2)and want to build strength for the last 6 miles of a race, twerking is a great new training method to build into your workout program.

This marathoner didn't stop to twerk early enough and hit the wall.

This marathoner didn’t stop to twerk early enough and hit the wall.

If you stop to twerk every 5 miles during your 20-mile training runs, you will loosen up the lower back, stretch your hamstrings and test whether your bowels are sufficiently clear for the remaining miles you have to run. All those physical checkpoints are vital components in running a successful marathon.

Half twerking

If you’re training for a half marathon (13.1) you should stop to twerk every 3 miles instead of every 5. When you do stop for a twerking session during a training run for a half-marathon, it is always best to choose a very public street corner where people can gawk in admiration at your dedication to serious training, and shoot Instagrams and Vine videos of your artful stretching routine. Then your twerking can go viral and you might actually be offered a free entry fee to your next half marathon, which will save you something in the neighborhood of $50 to $100, which is what it typically costs now just to toe the line.

It just so happens that $50 to $100 is also the standard fee for professional twerking, otherwise known as lap dancing. Every new fitness routine evolves from somewhere.

Twerk for a stretch

Gone are the days of standing still and putting your toe(s) up on a light post to stretch out your calf muscles. Twerking takes over where those boring old stretching routines once ruled.

Twerking can bring your fitness level to new heights.

Twerking can bring your fitness level to new heights.

Now you can grab the light pole with one hand like a wanton stripper and twerk to your heart’s delight knowing that deep down inside the real runner in you is about to emerge. Plus, you’ll be stretching your glutes, your hammies and your calf muscles all at once.

Even the likes of running gurus such as George Sheehan, Hal Higdon, Amby Burfoot and the late Jim Fixx can agree that twerking is far superior to conventional stretching. There’s nothing more compelling than a middle aged man in a pair of long running shorts giving it a real twerk in public. You are almost guaranteed an audience of admirers asking, “Are you alright? Can we call an ambulance?”

Benefits of twerking for men

Hmmm. What to do with a 4 hour erection. You'll just have to twerk it out.

Hmmm. What to do with a 4 hour erection. You’ll just have to twerk it out.

Men who haven’t tried twerking yet or feel a bit shy about their ability to twerk really should give it a try. Twerking has been known to loosen up long dormant erectile passages and improve pelvic circulation, reducing the need for Viagra or Cialis and the 4-hour erections that sometimes result from use of those products.

Of course might just as well invented a new sport in which sporty-looking men seek to complete a marathon before their pill-induced 4-hour erection goes away.

Point the way to the finish line, boys! We know where you can hang the medal if you finish in time. Your lady friends should be impressed. Now, twerk to show them you mean business!

Twerking as a competition sport

Next we might make twerking an Olympic sport. The gymnasts almost do it already with all that fanny popping, and Lord knows the female pole vaulters and sprinters are already dressed for a twerking competition in track and field. Synchronized swimming is one long circle twerk and those race walkers are doing something that looks like twerking, even if it really isn’t.

Twerking wannabe’s

Once twerking catches hold as a competitive sport it will likely fan out into the everyday world, invading health clubs and other sports where twerking will add variety and spice to the everyday pursuit of twerking out.

Because hey, in the end this ‘fitness thing?’ It’s all about getting attention anyway. Twerking is just one more layer of attention-getting fitness prowess. Consider how good Myley Cyrus looked in her skin-tight outfit! Even a Disney girl can use a good twerkout

XSport Fitness

In fact it’s time to take your own twerkouts to the health club, preferably one of those medically-based health clubs where everyone is conservative and paying $80.00 a month for the same machines you get at a $20 a month health club. When you show up and twerk your way through your Pilates class people are going to stop and stare, asking “Who are you, and why aren’t you teaching this class?”

You can just smile and say, “I know. I’m a bit of a twerkaholic. But this club is a little behind the times if you ask me.”

But not if you belong to XSport. Twerking fits right in with that name.

It twerks wonders for cyclists

When it comes to twerking––and you know you will sooner or later, even if just in private to see how it feels–– we must also consider the looming relationship between twerking and cycling, which is a perfect sport in which to incorporate a twerk or two.

After all, putting in 100 miles on a bike can make your lower back pretty tight. That’s when the time is right to lean forward on your handlebars, raise your rump up about 6 inches and twerk away the back tension. That numb feeling will instantly disappear and your crotch area will get some much needed airtime.

The Twerk de France

Once it takes hold as a cycling fad, twerking should catch on in Europe and soon enough, the biggest of all bike races, the Twerk de France.

Ah, we can hear Phil Liggett and Paul Sherwin now….“There’s Chris Froome in the yellow jersey, led by his loyal crew from Team Sky. Oh look, Paul! The whole Sky team is up out of their saddles twerking out the fatigue from the first 5 hours of riding. Now they can do the climb up Mont Ventoux without worry about compressing their prostates or holding their bladders. That should be an advantage on the last few kilometers of the climb. The other riders will have to pee and have numb nuts. But not Team Sky. It looks like they’re twerking their way to victory, and their team manager is hanging out the team car urging them on…”

Drafting the twerk

A group of cyclists sets up to twerk their way past the grupetto.

A group of cyclists sets up to twerk their way past the grupetto.

Imagine how you’ll impress the folks on your Saturday group ride when you twerk your way to the front dressed in your favorite pro team kit, lifting your butt off the saddle like a baboon on the savanna.

Of course the draft you create could cause turbulence, so it is best to warn all other riders in advance. That means it is always important to use proper cycling etiquette when you are about to twerk off the front to give a verbal command so that your fellow riders can adjust and perhaps even respond with their own twerk, the better to pass along the rolling waves of air generated by a high speed twerk.

Twerkathalon

Triathletes are not allowed to draft off other riders in the bike component, but there are definitely times when twerking can help in triathlons of any distance.

Twerking in the pool, lake or ocean can provide additional propulsion along with a good crawl stroke and leg kick. Just be prepared when twerking through the water that race officials may mistake your new swim technique for a desperate attempt to stay alive or an epileptic fit.

Twerking sharks, gators and Southerners

Also be advised that during ocean swims, twerking may attract sharks because the motion is quite similar to a fish in distress.

When competing in triathlons in southern sections of the United States, be aware that twerking can create sound waves much like the mating calls of alligators.If you do decide to twerk in the Southern Swamps, you should also be prepared to be offered your own reality show, because all it takes to seen as a cable star down south is acting stupid and heaving yourself in an out of muddy water.

We Run and Ride, and Twerk

I’ll admit that despite these recommendations to try twerking as you run, ride or swim, I have not tried it myself. Part of that has to do with the fact that I just tried my first yoga session, where twerking is definitely not a welcome activity, especially by middle-aged men in a room full of women. Yoga made me sweat and strain, then ache and pain, but in the long run, it seems a lot more studied and beneficial than twerking ever well be. These fads come and go, but until twerking has its day in the sun, it seemed wise to let you know what it means to be on the forefront of modern training methods.

Because when it comes to fame, recognition and fitness, it’s bound to work for those who twerk. Just ask Myley Cyrus. She knows.

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Life is better when you love to run or ride

Posted on September 10, 2013 by Christopher Cudworth

By Christopher Cudworth

She told me “Baby, when you race today
Just take along my love with you
And if you knew how much I loved you
Baby nothing could go wrong with you”

–The Beach Boys

Have you ever run and ride…when you are in love?

Because if you have, you’ll know that love can make you indomitable.

The feeling of being loved, and loving fully gives you endurance beyond imagination

Love is mystery

Love is not a single thing, but a chain of events that pulls us along.

Love is not a single thing, but a chain of events that pulls us along.

It is inexplicable in some ways, how the human mind can be so connected mentally and physically, and that being in love can be so powerful.

You go out for a Saturday morning group ride and the surges don’t affect you. Every pedal stroke feels natural and free. Your thoughts are so focused that the normal cares of life seem to wash off your back.

Or you set out for a 20-miler and the first 10 miles you find yourself thinking about all the things you love about the person for whom your heart has become entranced that you still feel strong for the second 10 miles.

Love is ageless, by the way. Love is real for everyone.

Love and strength

Experiences like that make you wonder what love is, that it can be so strong? That it can carry you through tests of will.

Marathon. Half Marathon. Triathlon. Ironman. And beyond.

You try to explain it to yourself, and to others. How love makes you feel good. Better than you should some days. But words somehow fail. The feelings are so strong. So you turn to classic sources to examine what love is, and what it does. You want to know why you can run so far and ride so long when you’re in love.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 tells the story of love and why it sustains us so…

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love draws us near

Love is something we both pursue, and let catch up.

Love is something we both pursue, and let catch up.

We’re drawing nearer to the truth of love and its mysteries, yet the post-modern view might add some odd things to the mix. Love doesn’t second-guess. It does not dispense with hope in favor of cynicism. It appreciates a good bargain at Costco.

WE LOVE IT!

That’s the problem with love these days. It gets tugged in so many directions that it makes finding love even more difficult for all our supposed sophistication and technology. eHarmony. Match.com. Facebook. Pinterest. Who knows where it all goes next?

When love can ostensibly be won or lost in a text or a social media post, how tenuous is love itself?

Read the passage from Corinthians again and remember the part about patience.

Love is patient. It is kind. It even goes with you when you run and ride.

Like the Beach Boys song says, love goes with you even in the heat of competition, when fear might otherwise rule, love is still there, hidden behind desires and motivations, but love ultimately undergirds all that you do or say. 

Strange directions

Beyond the wedding refrain of the Corinthians definition of love, the passage continues with some of the strangest yet most comforting language in all of the Bible.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

That means love transcends all, and triumphs over all our thoughts and expectations. It even silences that which we think we know. That is eternal love, of course. It is there for you too, you know.

Big love

So we run and we ride with love on our minds.

Sometimes we finish the entire journey of our workouts and can hardly remember the scenery for all the scenes that have been playing out in our heads. We rehearse conversations too good to believe. Recall making love in the morning when time itself seems sensitive to the touch. Love is so big it surrounds us sometimes.

Real love

Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast.

Where can we find love, and how? Can we run or ride long enough to sort it all out in our heads? Or will it always be racing ahead, confusing as a tangle of tarsnakes on a winding road?

Is the road where we go when we are in love and want to show the world? We both guard our deepest secrets and yet shout them when we crest the tallest hill. Love can be confusing that way.

Forbidden love

Who is to really say what love is, and isn't?

Who is to really say what love is, and isn’t?

Love is especially confusing when it is forbidden, or not tolerated. When someone tells you that you cannot love another, you love them the more. Just ask Romeo. And Juliet.

Or when you finally come out to the world and are relieved of the sheave you’ve worn so many years to hide your love, that day is liberating.

Love can be heterosexual. Homosexual. All points in between. It is all real love.

Now the world

Now the world is opening to love. It knows there are more forms of love than the imaginations, religions and laws of society have previously allowed. Suddenly we find that we can share love even when it is different than our own, or with another race of people. It is all love. Love does not dishonor others. It is not self-seeking.

We also find real triumph in self-acceptance, and self love. People can see it in us, and want to share in that. So we gather in public places and run and ride and share the love of those activities and the people who enjoy them as well. Feel the pain, then feel the love. It’s all good.

Love catches up

We love and then we struggle sometimes. Realities press in. Our feelings get hurt. Emotional pain catches up with us through circumstances that bog us down. Personal loss. Divorce. Change. Time. Family. Work. DNF.

Life is bitter sometimes. We long for love instead.

Love is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs.

Sometimes we need to slow down so love can catch up. Life is a no-drop run or ride. Circle back and bring love with you the rest of the way. Be grateful it is still there. Give it a pat on the back or the fanny. Invite love to draft if it must, to keep up with you, and life.

Love needs a friend now and then.

Heart and soul

It is an amazing thing to be loved. To run and ride with love in our souls and our minds.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth.

So we need to be honest with ourselves. Face the truth. Be honest with others. Even when it hurts, or we fight. Find ways to put back together. No drops, please.

Remember

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Do you see it now? Why life is better when you love to run and ride?

You can hear it said. I love to run. I love to ride.

But now you appreciate it. There’s something deeper there.

Forgive and be loved. Forget and be free. Love and be loved, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.

For 10k or a Century.

Love runs and rides with you. Breathe it. Dream it. Believe it.

Love is free, but it has a cost.

But when you buy into it, your life can be changed. For the better.

And you gotta love that.

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A belief in the power of footprints

Posted on September 9, 2013 by Christopher Cudworth

By Christopher Cudworth

photoWalking in from the patio where a few potted plants looked dry if not already dying from September fade, I chanced to place a wet foot on the patio step and was struck by the iconic look of a footprint on the porch step.

How many footprints we leave in a lifetime. And how few ever remain. Except…

In Glen Rose, Texas there are fossilized tracks that appear to show humans and dinosaurs walking together. But it is a deception.

Tracking the truth

For comparison.

For comparison.

The remarkable existence of fossilized tracks is miracle enough to inspire awe. But what attracts some people to the tracks is their insinuation that humans and dinosaurs existed on earth at the same time.

It isn’t true. Even creationists with a bent for twisting scientific discoveries to their ideological purposes have largely admitted that the fossilized tracks in Glen Rose were all made by dinosaurs, not human beings.

The dinosaurs that made those tracks were primarily sauropod (brontosaur) theropod (bipedal meat eater) and ornithopod (bipedal plant-eater) types of dinosaurs that made footprints in sufficiently soft soil and were subsequently fossilized so that we can see them today.

Soft thinking

pxy06d2-038Some of the tracks were softened by mud collapse, erosion and the gradual infill that so often happens in wet environments. The tracks affected by wet conditions only appear human because the longer toe marks of the dinosaurs were closed in after they were imprinted in soft soil. That appearance encouraged some people to effectively blur the truth behind the creatures who actually made those tracks. Some young-earth creationists tried to contend that the softer footprints were made by humans, thereby “proving” that humans and dinosaurs once co-existed on this earth. Creationists chose to blur the science to clarify their own ideology. In other words, they lied.

The race is on

Of course blurred beliefs are often the stuff of Hollywood legends as well, because movies are all about fantasy even when the stated purpose is biography. Artistic license is the principle foundation of film, unless it is a documentary. Even then the bias of race or culture or worldview is still in force. Then there is the basic premise of entertainment for entertainment’s sake. There are no ethical rules there.

For example, the entire Jurassic Park movie series shows people running alongside genetically re-created dinosaurs. Some of the “running with dinosaurs” footage resembled a 10K race. The only thing missing were the race numbers and the high entry fees so typical of modern day running races.

Of course if humans did leave footprints today they would most likely be made with a pair of Nikes, adidas or other popular brand of shoe. What would intelligent life 60,000,000 years from now make of that? Of course the minimalist shoe community is trying to take us Back to the Future by going barefoot. Is it all about the tracks we make, in the end?

Fantasy, not reality

pxy06d1-061bThere has never been, nor will their likely ever be, direct competition between human beings and dinosaurs for space on earth, unless you consider birds to be dinosaurs, and might be right about that. But be assured, the whole idea of human beings running around with T-Rex in pursuit has never happened. Ever.

It’s takes multiple layers of literal hubris to bury the facts of evolution beneath the opaque gauze of creationism. It also takes a gross sort of panache to co-opt scientifically generated images of dinosaurs to illustrate the displays at an abomination such as the so-called Creation Museum that denies nearly every facet of modern evolutionary theory.

Proto and post-paganism

Of course the entire enterprise (and that is what it is) of creationism is a science of denial designed to specifically to harness the power of tribal authority that prevents people from thinking for themselves. That is one of the things tribal religion does really well, dragging belief back into a form of proto-or post-paganism that converts faith into dogma and then turns it into a realpolitik focused on control, and nothing else. Creationism is no more about God than it is about the fears of people who cannot bring themselves to get a grip on the world as it is.

Even the Creation Museum website admits as much, with its opening tagline of “PREPARE TO BELIEVE” as a not so subtle suggestion that you’re going to have to set aside your intellect in order to embrace what you are about to encounter. If you are adequately determined to impose the importance of human beings on everything that ever happened in earth history, then the human footprint is paramount to define the existence of dinosaurs too. They literally cannot exist without it.

Organic fundamentalism

It’s a very sad and limiting worldview because there really is such fantastic wonderment available through science that portrays human beings in a much more realistic context

Our wonderment is in direction proportion to our openness for discovery.

Our wonderment is in direction proportion to our openness for discovery.

With even a modest appreciation for the function of metaphor in scripture you come to understand its prevalence throughout the Bible (and other holy books) and also its use by Jesus Christ in all his parables and teachings. The mystery and wisdom of scripture are not lost in translation when metaphor is used to help us comprehend meaning. Much of what we know about God is transmitted through organic imagery, and the organic fundamentalism of the bible becomes eminently clear when you become aware of its role as a catalyst for understanding the creative force of God.  When you do that, science no longer becomes a threat to scriptural truths and the bible remains a ready resource for guidance, hope, sustenance and salvation.

Appreciating our own tracks

Why is all this important to those who run and ride? We engage in activities that leave little more than footprints or tire tracks for our troubles, yet when we look back at our tracks on the beach, in the snow or after a puddle on an otherwise dry street, there is a certain pleasure in seeing our existence manifested by the tracks we leave behind. There’s even a popular Christian philosophy about footprints in the sand. You can take it or leave it depending on your own faith background, of course. But many people take great comfort in the idea of not being alone.

It’s all about the power of truly being. If it’s true that we all really matter in the eyes of God, then our footprints are daily praise that we appreciate being here among the living. Even if we don’t have dinosaurs for company. But we do have the birds.

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Thanks to http://www.talkorigins.org/faqs/paluxy.html for information used in this article.

  

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And now, a biblically scary message for our times about tarsnakes and running and riding

Posted on September 6, 2013 by Christopher Cudworth

By Christopher CudworthWeRunandRideLogo

“All satire is blind to the forces liberated by decay. Which is why total decay has absorbed the forces of satire.” –Theodor Adorno

“You can’t make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you’re doing is recording it.” –Art Buchwald

A worker laying down tarsnakes may be part of an elaborate conspiracy to turn America's roads into the flaming pit of hell.

A worker laying down tarsnakes may be part of an elaborate conspiracy

Recently an astute reader of this blog sent in a photo of a worker putting tarsnakes some asphalt.

At first the photo seemed innocent enough. Yet I have learned from studying conspiracy theories from the Kennedy Assassination to the Miley Cyrus dance routine that there is always more to the picture than initially meets the eye.

Tarsnakes on the move

We already know from unyielding evidence documented in this blog that tarsnakes are not so innocent or inanimate as you might think. These tarry creatures have even been observed emerging from cracks in the road to actively pursue cyclists and runners in hopes of tripping them up to fall by the side of the road where rabid tarsnakes can invade their body and convert them into the tar-based slurry they best like to consume.

A tarsnake goes above ground in search of prey. Or is it a fuse for a pending terrorist attack?

A tarsnake goes above ground in search of prey. Or is it a fuse for a pending terrorist attack?

Falling headfirst into a tarsnake

Some readers have ignored this fact to their peril. Recently on Youtube.com there appeared a short video in which an open tar pit filled with tarsnakes attempted to consume a young girl headfirst.

Holy Tarsnakes!

Even in the Holy Land around Israel next to the Dead Sea, there are underground tar seams that send massive petroleum chunks floating to the surface where they have long haunted residents of the area with their threatening presence. The website tothends.com notes, “In the time of the New Testament, Josephus reported that there were pieces of tar floating in the water the size and shape of “headless bulls.”

Well Holy Jesus, that is scary!

In further notes about the presence of tar pits and tarsnakes in the Holy Land, we find out this little fact from tothends.com: “In the 5th cent. AD, a Christian monk named Saba went floating on one of these islands of tar for 40 days and nights during a time of fasting.  The story continues that on his way back home, he fell into a burning tar pit and was terribly burned. Today we don’t see any more of these tar pits near the Dead Sea, but they were there in the time of Abraham.  The Bible says the area was “full of tar pits” (Gen. 14:10).**

The God of All Tarsnakes

The God of All Tarsnakes. Click to enlarge.

And I suppose you think that poor old monk fell into that tar pit on his own after floating around on a tar bull for 40 days and 40 nights? I say that’s a foolish and naïve notion. That monk was thrown into that pit of tar by the very tar bull on which he rode, very likely as a sacrifice to the God of All Tarsnakes.

Not so safe after all 

Do you still think you’re safe riding your bike or running so merrily over roads covered with tarsnakes? Or do you need still more evidence of the evil plot for tarsnakes to take over the world? Well, here goes…

A literal threat of tarry destruction

If what is written in the Bible is literally true, then all sorts of tarry things have been happening since Bible times, and could still be happening in the world today. In fact, there may be an overground system of tarsnakes waiting to burn up and consume us all.

Don’t laugh. It’s not an exaggeration if you consider how the earth really works. After all, at this very moment there is tar just waiting to explode and burn us to a crisp like the citizens of Pompeii or the horny little residents of Sodom. Just north of the good old U S of A, the supposedly rich tar sands of Canada are being exposed in wanton fashion by insatiable oil barons who insist that oil and tarsnakes are but innocent products of the natural world.

But here’s an interesting little fact. That very same situation with oil sands may be what caused the other-wordly destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. Here’s how that event is described by tothends.com:

“It’s not hard to imagine how the city was destroyed.  In that highly unstable area with all those petroleum products (tar pits) around, all it would take is a match to blow up the whole place (19:25).  Some have suggested a volcanic eruption as the cause of the fire and sulfur coming out of the sky.  But it seems much more likely, as others have suggested, that an earthquake set off a petroleum explosion, perhaps after releasing gas into the air.  This would also account for fire and bits of sulfur raining down out of the sky.  The people would have been burned by the fire or choked by the fumes.”

Again I say, Holy Crap!

Today, in this very century, if someone decides to light a match up north in Canada, most of North America could be blown away like Sodom and Gomorrah, leaving a gassy, steaming mass of charred bodies from Saskatchewan to St. Louis.

Of course Pat Robertson would find a way to blame the entire thing on tolerance for gay people, just as some people continue to blame gays as scapegoats for the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah even though Lot begged forgiveness from God for the overall gluttony, lust and greed of the population. It’s so interesting how selective blame is used to cover up the true and harmful sins of the world, is it not? The same lot that blames the death of Jesus on Jews now targets gays to escape their own culpability in the sin and destruction of the world. It’s a neat little package of selective and prejudiced reading, you see, dependent upon literalism to make it whole. Or wholly despicable.

The Tarsnake Conspiracy

TarsnakebigSpeaking of sins, there seems to be some sort of conspiracy afoot to create a giant network of living, steaming tarsnakes all the way from the East to the West Coast of North America. Remember that photo of a worker carefully connecting a network of tarsnakes on asphalt? We took the liberty of carefully enlarging this photo to show you the cryptic messages hidden in the garb of his clothing. We think this is a coded message about when to light the fuse of the original tarsnake way up in a corner of Maine. Then an entire network of tarsnakes connected on highways across America will light like a fuse and sizzle from east to west, turning America’s entire system of highways into a bubbling, tarry brew. This isn’t some Arab plot to take down America. Oh no. It’s a planned attempt by preacher Harold Camping to bring on Armageddon because he’s so pissed that his big biblical prediction back in year Whatever did not come true.

Don’t ignore the signs

I know, it all sounds so far-fetched. But then, the people of Sodom and Gomorrah thought they could ignore the smell of sulphur on the breeze, and look what it got them. Burned up in the tarry fires of hell.

All I can say is if you hear a distinct hissing noise behind you this while you’re out running or riding this weekend, don’t turn around look back. It could be the new Sodom and Gomorrah. And you must remember the wife of Lot, who was turned into a pillar of salt for her curiosity at what God hath wrought. I know I’ve felt like a pillar of salt many times, especially when I cannot shower after a long run or ride.

But take my advice: It is far better to keep running and riding if you know what’s good for you. You might even survive to run and ride in a post-apocalyptic world, like Detroit.

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