In the weeks leading up to her Ironman Louisville event, my wife Sue was quite busy with her job. For one thing, she was out of town handling job responsibilities for a week. Then she got back with a day to spare and we rolled on down to Louisville. She performed well in the race despite some challenges from the elements, and we came back home thankful that all her training paid off.
Then she was back out on the job sites for her work for another week. We both know the responsibilities of our jobs and priorities and are grateful for them. When I have late-night meetings for my job, there is never any complaint on her part. In fact, she’s quite supportive and curious about what transpires at the community meetings I attend.
Support systems
It’s very helpful to have a support system like that. When things get super busy or even go awry as they sometimes do in this world, it certainly helps to be able to call a person you trust and talk it through. The same goes when things go well. It feels good to have someone to tell, “Hey I had a great run this morning!” Or a great swim, or ride. The measuring stick of emotions is often how we progress.
I’d describe our relationship as full of ‘high expectations and low drama.’ Sue tends to be a ‘steady customer.’ She’s fairly low drama.
I’m not exactly “high drama” but there are times when the drama gets going a little bit in my own head. It used to be much worse. But one of the things I find helpful in my own mental construct is to analyze the source and nature of my thoughts. That’s been part of a long developmental process going way back to when I was thirty. That’s when I first started figuring out the chemistry and behavior of my brain. I knew there were some things that could use ‘fixing,’ and took it upon myself to figure them out. Some were simple, but others took years.
Getting to know your own brain is something I encourage you to do it no matter what age you are. Start by looking at your own journals or your life patterns with some degree of objectivity. Study where your thoughts come from. These patterns may go way, way back. Many of us are fine for the most part, but fall into negative patterns when we encounter people from our past that either had control over us, or not enough. These might be parents or friends or former spouses. If you have to, write all that shit down. Study it. Ask yourself, “Why do I respond to these people the way I do?”
Actualizing
To become fully (or at least mostly) actualized as a positively functioning adult requires work whether we do it ourselves or get some assistance. That help may come from friends, a trusted pastor or a professional therapist. In any case, it’s worth it. You’ve only got this life to life. Why keep fucking it up? Or if you’re already doing well, why not shoot for even more? Find a mentor. An inspiration. Or trust yourself to fall in love, and work to stay there.
It all comes down to learning to trust yourself and your thoughts. That’s what actualizing yourself as a human being really means.
Know that there is a pattern among people that have anxiety (either chronic or temporary) to let certain kinds of thoughts dominate the inner dialogue. Learning to recognize adverse or self-absorbed thought patterns can help enormously in managing states of anxiety and depression. Granted, that alone may not offer a total cure for anxiety. It is just as true for someone with an outsized ego who is subject to self-absorption, the thought pattern that puts your wants in front of others all the time.
In all cases, detecting and managing mental patterns can give one a better sense of control. And you can actualize. To become actual. Authentic to yourself and others. That’s the goal.
Less drama
The first product of actualization is the realization there is a lot less drama in your life. Think about it. When you’re going to interview for a job, it is important to focus on what you can do for the organization in order to impress them.
Thus the fears that reside in the back of your mind need to be compartmentalized. If there are doubts, it is important to write them down. Build perspective. Figure out why they are occurring. Why are these old habits or beliefs of difficult past circumstances vexing you? Are they REALLY YOU? Or are you just allowing them to own you.
In some ways, we need to treat every day as if we were interviewing for the job of living. It’s just like getting a job, and it pays to ask: “What do I want from life? What do I have to offer in return?”
The genius inventor Buckminster Fuller once wrote, about himself: “You do not belong to you. You belong to the universe.” By addressing himself in the form of higher expectations, he reduced the petty dramas we all invent for ourselves.
Conquering fears
That brand of higher expectations can turn you into a better athlete as well. Instead of viewing your competitors as something holding you back, you become “part of their universe” and allow them to pull you along to better performances. Fear is resolved, or even removed from the equation.
Because when you’ve determined a goal and start to feel doubts, typically they revolve around two basic things. Fear of failure. And fear of success.
Types of fear
Those seem like two very different things, but the commonality remains fear. To be afraid to fail means you are actually afraid to try in the event that you might not live up to the expectations of others, or yourself.
To be afraid to succeed means you’re scared to be held to a new and more difficult standard once you have achieved your goals. How will you live up to them from then on? Can you truly keep up the quality, the effort, the concentration?
To conquer fear of success or fear of failure requires healthy management of expectations. How do you expect to get where you want to go? Have you done the training? Have you replicated the pain and effort of racing in order to understand WHAT TO EXPECT when you face similar feelings in competition?
That is how we prepare ourselves for anything. That’s reason why we rehearse questions in our mind before doing a job interview is to be prepared and anticipate the expectations of the interview. I can tell you that I once failed miserably to answer a question during a job interview, but gathered myself and when the opportunity presented itself later on in the discussion, brought the topic back up, apologized for my earlier choke and gave a very rational answer that made a good impression on them. Just because you failed temporarily does not mean you have lost.
It holds true when giving a speech or doing anything that creates fear inside us. We must learn how to manage our expectations and apply experience to match the need of the day.
High expectations
Those of us with high expectations learn to talk to ourselves in a constructive fashion. As an athlete for many years, I had to learn how to control inner dialogue in advance of competition. Sometimes that process would fail, or my training journal would fill up with apprehensions and doubts in advance of an important race. I can look back at those periods and see clearly where the problems were. At the time though, it all seemed like a wall of impossibilities.
There were also many times when my head was in the right place. I think in particular of an afternoon before a cross country race in high school. I spent the hours leading up to the race reading a transcendental novel called “The Peregrine” about a wayfarer in Scotland who followed falcons to the literal end of the earth. The book was so inspiringly constructed that my mind just relaxed. I had literally no worries going into that important race. I won that day against two runners from a team that had not lost a dual meet in 33 consecutive meets.
It would be wonderful to be that inspired all the time. Some people seem to have that capacity. But who knows if that level of insight is sustainable? Sometimes the brain just needs to shut down. “All done,” the mind says on a Sunday afternoon when the projects just seem too hard to accomplish. Thus a “day of rest” makes a ton of sense too. Time to let the mind relax. Wander. Absorb into dusk. That is not a failure. That is wholesome.
Expectations
But when my wife walked through the door last night after being away for two non-consecutive weeks, I was grateful to see her, but not to the point of false drama. She visited with her children and got her stuff put away. Finally, I stood next to her in the kitchen after she had changed out of her travel clothes. She had on a pair of jeans that I really love, and she was dining on the salmon I’d grilled while sharing photos from her phone. They were pictures of the projects on which she’d worked so hard. I loved the quiet sense of pride, because she’d sacrificed time all day and night to make it happen.
In a quiet moment I put a hand on her hip and it happened to brush the warm skin of her back. It was so good to have her home. To hear her voice. To see the flash in her eyes when something struck her funny. Then the kitties all came calling. All four of them, two of her own and two from her daughter. They sidled up to her stretching and purring. AS she petted little Bennie, the rescue cat with orange and white coat, she purred back: “Do you know me?” she asked.
The richness of life
Life is so rich at times, and so simple. That’s what makes it good. I’m a silly man at times, and prone to romantic streaks that border on excessive earnestness. She puts up with me in my goofy moods, and I think she actually likes it. While she was out of town, I kidded with her about how much I missed her by throwing some of her laundry over my head and shoulders and sent her a photo. “Nah, I don’t miss you at all,” I jibed.
I’d also sent her video caps of the romantic scenes between Claire and Jamie in the show Outlander. I made sure to capture his amazing pecs and arms for her. there is nothing wrong with a woman appreciating the sight of a handsome man. We can watch the real thing now that she’s back home.
And this morning she woke to hop on her bike on the trainer. It was a chance for her to get back in a bit of homemade rhythm after those two weeks away. We all have a way of grounding ourselves after time spent away in hotel rooms or traveling. She went downstairs for a spin and emerged from the shower later with a wet head of hair. “That felt good,” she told me.
High expectations. Low drama. It works for us.
Don’t panic, triathletes. I’m not about to criticize Ironman as a cult or anything else. It is a brand name, effectively marketed, that many people admire. But it is also something more. And it’s worth thinking about it.
The corporate expression of a brand is necessarily possessive in this day and age. That’s how organizations survive. They need to defend their turf lest encroachment steal away the power of the brand or wick away customers.
That’s much the same problem as calling all bandages Band-Aids. There is a problem when the brand is confused with the cause or solution such as Kleenex or Xerox. The brand can be weakened in the long run.
And that’s where Ironman bears a close resemblance to what we might call a religion. And again, this is not an indictment of said designation. It is merely an observation. In an age when traditional church attendance is on the wane, it is perhaps no coincidence that Ironman races are typically conducted on Sundays. That’s a practical response to Sunday having less traffic, perhaps. But there is also a sense that a Sunday morning is sacrosanct in some other way. Not for all faiths, but for all people?

So the same principle must apply to runners and cyclists and swimmers as well. We may be wasting our time down in aero position on the bike. What we really need are a set of winglike structures attached to the side of our body that meet in the back, creating a giant fin like the truck seen above. They’re called Freight Wings, I think.
Those of us who run, ride and swim come to realize that while the big muscles that drive us forward are important, it is the little muscles, tendons and connective tissues that keep us together. There must be romance between the big and small muscles for an athlete to stay healthy.
I clearly recall the feel of the air that Halloween Night of 1972. Wandering with a group of friends through the town of Elburn, Illinois, half looking to get into some kind of trouble.
The morning after Halloween dawned brusque and cool. But I was still excited. We piled on the bus for the trip to the course and piled back out for warmups. We all felt pride in the exterior uniforms of our orange warmup suits. The orange and black school colors shown like the afterglow of Halloween. But their familiarity as our team kits brought a sense of togetherness and confidence. We knew we were ready.
My wife completed Ironman Louisville with a one-hour personal record for the full distance. This was her second 140.6. The first was a similarly hilly course in Madison, Wisconsin. So she’s got two under her race belt and learned so much from training and racing this summer with her coach Steve Brandes that her appetite for the distance remains strong. She came through without major incident or injury, and whisked right back into the world of work the next day. Many kudos for that on top of a solid race.
Temps this past weekend in Louisville dropped from a high of 74 degrees near noon to a the low 50s and a raw west wind for the second half of the 112 mile ride and all of the marathon. The swim in Louisville starts upstream in the Ohio River and turns south, and Sue completed it in 1:05. Her total time for the race was 14:18 with a 6-hour plus bike and nearly six for the marathon. It largely went as planned, but the day did not grant her the desired sub-14. Still a grand day of movement. 

Our young friend Amanda Marek (bright green kit on bike in photos, and black kit running) had a legitimate shot at Kona in mind going into the race. She targeted her finish at 10:30 and hit her goal almost spot on, at 10:31.





If the weather moderates as is predicted here in Louiseville, with only shreds of rain versus sheets of it, the day might be quite good for racing after all.
It all plays out like an anime cartoon once the day begins at 7:30 in the morning. All those dark figures sleek and concentrated on the task ahead. Then the angular pros take their places at water’s edge and plunge feet first into the Ohio River, starting the day. Then all the competitors will swim upstream for 1300 meters and come swimming back under tall bridges with the current sliding past big yellow buoys. It’s all rather epic. I can see why Sue chose this race.
So the Sherpa duty has been close and true. Now I look forward to cheering her on during what we hope will be a successful and fulfilling day. She’s done the training. Now it’s time to do the racing. When it’s all said and done, that’s all any of us can do.
A successful sports biography does several things. First, it gives the reader an honest assessment of the personality and performance of the person in question. Second, it compels the reader to consider the challenges that made the subject of the book unique. And third, it makes you want to turn the page and find out what happens next.
In a long and athletic life so far, I’ve had my share of injuries and done some interesting damage to my body. The most recent is a dodgy knee that requires serious medical attention. That’s an injury I’ve been hoping to avoid, but some things are inevitable. With no ACL in that leg, it’s a tricky battle to keep things stable.
But eventually the mileage in track or cross country would add up to some sort of overuse problem. I’ve had IT band tightness, chondromalacia of the knee, hamstring pulls, multiple periods of Achilles tendon tightness and calf pulls over the years. There were also groin pulls and back pain from hard or long workouts. I’m slightly bowlegged, which increases the angle of torque on my lower legs. That reverberates back up the body in some ways. But I’ve made it work for a very long time.
But I’ve also done some absolutely stupid things on the bike without cause or provocation. Like
Yesterday I walked right into a reality show. I was out shooting video for a documentary in our town when my knee gave a jolt and bam, I was transported to a place that I never like to go.
So to make sure that I wasn’t walking around with a scene from Apocalypse Now from going on behind my ear, I put the razor back there and gave it a short swipe. And Lordy I cut myself good. The sting was immediate, and blood started to flow. I grabbed some toilet paper and jammed it behind my ear. It’s amazing how bright red blood looks when it is transferred to a bright white sheet of toilet paper. “That came out of me?”