I’m almost seventy years old. Thinking back to the early 1980s, I recall running through the University of Wisconsin campus with a Luther College teammate, Joel Redman. I’d stopped in town on my way to our alma mater go for a run with him. We were tripping through campus at sub-6:00 pace when a chipmunk darted out on the path, turned back suddenly and ran under my foot as it came down on top of its body. We heard a crunching noise, and I knew instantly what happened. Joel stopped and turned to me, “You KILLED IT!”

Indeed I had. Unintentionally.

So much of life’s unfortunate incidents are unintentional. That’s why being intentional in our daily existence is so important. Let’s talk about that. What does it mean to be “intentional” in our awareness and behavior?

Being intentional means living with purpose, making conscious choices aligned with our values, and actively shaping life rather than reacting passively to circumstances.

There’s another dimension to intention: motivation. As in, “What do you do with your intention? How do you use it understand it’s impact on others. It seems to me there are too many people in this world who either 1) don’t see how their intentions adversely impact others or 2) chose to be intentional in ways that harm others, and they still don’t care. In fact, those people seem to relish the ways that their controlling, dismissive, or abusive intentions impact others.

I found myself in a situation yesterday that tested the unintentional aspects of my intention. We’re in Madison this weekend for my wife Sue’s full Ironman, and on Friday afternoon I went for a six-mile run that passed through the University of Wisconsin. During the summer months when we’re up here on training trips there’s not much going on around the campus. We ran through campus a month ago and hardly saw a soul.

I planned a run along the lakeshore by looking at Google Maps and saw the lakefront path as an ideal place to go for a little longer run than I’ve been doing lately. warm, sunny and delightful outside with a sweet breeze blowing off the lake. I left from the Madison Concourse Hotel, ran down State Street unitl it dead-ended into campus and turned toward the lake on Park Street.

Along the way the streets were filled with students shopping and enjoying the day. The sun was warm and I threaded my way through the crowds to connect with the lakefront trail where Ironman competitors will run tomorrow.

Pacing myself

The path turned to asphalt and I found myself being passed by two young women discussing their pace. “Let’s do 8:50-9:00 today,” one of them shared. I knew I could not keep up with them and moved aside to make sure they could pass me easily enough.

That was the first test of intention. Respect others in all circumstances. Perhaps a few men out there would have chosen to race those two young women rather than let them run ahead. Instead, I thought back to first two women cross country runners who joined the Luther College cross country team. I interviewed those women years later for our alumni magazine. One told me she joined the team at the urging of her boyfriend. The other admitted she’d joined the team to meet guys. Both of them ran a great first season. Some of the men on our team were dismissive of their efforts because women’s sports were just beginning to earn respect in this world. I admired their intentions back then.

As I settled into my 9:30 pace, which is fast for me lately, I got passed by another few women runners. Mostly I was running past pairs of University of Wisconsin women walking for fitness and talking along the way. A few walked alone, because it was safe out there in full daylight. There were people every fifty feet so no one needed to feel nervous or afraid. Many wore earbuds or talked on their phones. Most wore tight-fitting fitness wear or super short shorts. I intentionally kept my eyes to myself, said nothing to anyone that I passed, and did not stare at the women approaching me.

Intentionally objective

As a man in my late sixties, I momentarily considered my unintentional presence among the young people using that trail. It could have easily been perceived that I was running there for another intention, to spy on young women at a college campus. That wasn’t my intention. I simply had not anticipated it.

But look, this is how young women choose to dress to work out, walk, or run these days. I looked up a Reddit discussion about that trend and found quite a few men ‘mansplaining’ about the intentions of women wearing tight workout clothes. A few women joined the discussion and many of them explained in response that these clothes are comfortable, don’t bind up or get in the way while working out, and frankly, they just like them.

Without question, these trends challenge men to consider their attitudes and intentions toward women. Insisting that women “only” dress that way to attract male attention flirts with the idea that women who get raped deserve it because of how they dressed. That excuses men from responsibility for their actions, which is the habit of patriarchal tradition throughout the ages. Lust is definitely part of human nature, and some men like to claim that permits them to project their desires upon women without being held to any standards.

Creepiness afoot

Here’s the problem with that viewpoint. Civilized cultures are supposed to behave better than that. Right now in modern society there’s acreepiness afoot in every part of society, and we’re seeing it in places where people are supposed to know better. Such as: religious leaders abusing kids, teachers seducing or abusing students. All over the Internet we find proponents of the Male Gaze preaching that they have every right to ogle women wherever they encounter them, from the parks to Instagram or TikTok.

Thus I became intensely aware of my demeanor while running on that trail yesterday. As a longtime substitute teacher, I’ve developed what I call a Guy Filter employed around young women. I know how to keep my intentions clear, honest, and respectful in social situations with young women around. Male teachers learn how to divest themselves of the Male Gaze.

At three miles out, I reached a bird reserve and ran a quiet loop through the woods and back out. The shade was welcome as the sun was bright and hot. On the way back along the path, I passed women that I’d seen before and made kept my eyes straight ahead while passing by. I had to concentrate on my running anyway. My heart rate rose with the distance. My mind said: Run steady. Stay the course.

At four miles a young woman runner passed me. She reminded me of a young Polish runner I had dated while living in Chicago back in the early 80s. We had a yearlong romance after I met her at a speed workout at the Northwestern University track in downtown Chicago. She was a 36:00 10K runner and we won a Trotter’s Twosome Four-Mile together. The girl who passed me was just as cute, but I turned my intentions back to that early romance and told myself, “No need to focus on her. You had your day.” I did not try to keep up.

I am very much in love with my wife, and shared my humorous dilemma of running through a gauntlet of perhaps 200 comely young women and behaving myself by not being a creep about it. If you’re a man who hasn’t figured that part of your life out yet, it’s way past time. Women don’t “need” your attention the way you might like to think. In fact, it’s a fair bet that most of them prefer not to get it.

Unintentional blunder

Perhaps I should have realized that a college campus would be swarming with young women on a warm mid-September day. I accidentally heard a few conversations along the way. One girl: “Don’t worry that you missed that party. There will be more…” Hearing that almost made me laugh out loud. Ya think?

I just didn’t know the Madison construct well enough to know how much “on the campus” I was going to be. My goal was running a little longer than I’ve been able to do lately, and I made that happen. 6.1 miles at 9:37 pace. Nothing fantastic.

We live in a historic period in some respects, in which women have taken control of their body image and sexuality. They’re challenging the power and authority of the Male Gaze like never before.

That’s nothing new to me as a triathlete where women definitely own their body image. Where once they used to be shamed for wearing a sports bra in public, that’s a fashion statement now and an evolved one at that. Sports bras are now designed with elegant touches.

As for the young men navigating the age of women’s body empowerment, I’ve begun to believe that many young men have developed filters of their own these days. The Internet is a friend to them because it helps to eliminate the mystery about the reality of women’s bodies. The taboo nature of the obscure used to make us crazy. To their credit, I see young guys in high school classes talking with young women with a maturity it took my entire life to achieve. Kudos to all.