Category Archives: fear

Here’s the 411 on the 911 on 421

We all need a “go-to” route when we want to run without thinking about the course. Continue reading

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Life in context

Sue and I rode together consistently in the summer of 2013. I recall it as a warm year, and every time she showed up in her little black cycling shorts and sleeveless kit jersey, I admired her arms and overall … Continue reading

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The unexplainable

In the wake of my wife’s passing, my children still had obligations to meet. My son was in a job out in New York. My daughter had a semester to finish at Augustana College. Yet all of time seems to … Continue reading

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A trip back east in search of a sense of hope

Following a departure from an audio-visual company reeling from its inability to finish a new product for which they never completed the software, I engaged in full-time caregiving for my wife as she sank into another recurrence of the ovarian … Continue reading

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An unpleasant start to an ultimately pleasant triathlon

Open-water swimming is one of life’s acquired joys. Unless one grows up swimming in ponds, lakes, or oceans it takes a bit of practice to get used to the idea of climbing into the water and swimming over whatever depths … Continue reading

Posted in anxiety, Christopher Cudworth, cycling, Depression, fear, mental health, PEAK EXPERIENCES, race pace, racing peak, riding, running, swimming | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Not “woe is me,” but resiliency

Following the emotional breakdown of my wife after the cancer returned in 2007 after two years of treatments and remission, I proceeded to lose my new job at the marketing agency. It had taken months to work up the courage … Continue reading

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Rough landings

I was a high jumper during my high school career and first year of college. I jumped 6′ 1/2″ in college, my best ever. Not bad for a distance runner with skinny calves and not much in the thigh area … Continue reading

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50 Years of Running: Cataclysmic convergence

My competitive instincts had not abated much in my early forties, but one quickly learns as a caregiver that being competitive is not the answer to every problem. In fact, it constitutes an answer to few problems. It doesn’t help … Continue reading

Posted in 10K, aging, aging is not for the weak of heart, Christopher Cudworth, competition, fear, foregiveness, life and death, running, we run and ride | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

50 Years of Running: Eighth-grade realities

Despite my love of laughter and being considered funny if I could make that happen, my anxious nature also meant grappling with a conflicted mind. I loved making friends but worried about what they thought of me. I worked hard … Continue reading

Posted in aging, aging is not for the weak of heart, anxiety, Christopher Cudworth, competition, cross country, fear, healthy aging, healthy senior, life and death, love, mental health, nature, running, running shoes, trail running | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

50 Years of Running and the will to win at any cost

When we lose at something it can feel like a small death. But when we accept losing because it is part of life or even embrace losing as a means to move beyond our present circumstance, that is smiling back at death. It’s hard to admit, but that’s a lesson most of us have to learn time and again. It certainly was the case with my distance running career, where a win one week was no guarantee of a win the next. As the saying goes, you’re only as good as your last victory.
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