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Category Archives: fear
Here’s the 411 on the 911 on 421
We all need a “go-to” route when we want to run without thinking about the course. Continue reading
Posted in aging, Christopher Cudworth, cross country, fear, friendship, life and death, running, sex, Tarsnakes, training
Tagged Batavia Illinois, car chase, fighting, Geneva Illinois, knife fight, lust, sex, st charles illinois
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Life in context
Sue and I rode together consistently in the summer of 2013. I recall it as a warm year, and every time she showed up in her little black cycling shorts and sleeveless kit jersey, I admired her arms and overall … Continue reading
Posted in aging, alcohol, anxiety, Christopher Cudworth, Depression, fear, foregiveness, healthy aging, life and death, love, triathlete
Tagged Christopher Cudworth, dating, death, grief, grieving, life, marriage, ovarian cancer, parenthood, relationships, survivorship
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The unexplainable
In the wake of my wife’s passing, my children still had obligations to meet. My son was in a job out in New York. My daughter had a semester to finish at Augustana College. Yet all of time seems to … Continue reading
Posted in Christopher Cudworth, death, fear, life and death, love, mental health
Tagged angel orbs, astronomy, cancer, death, experience, feng shui, fiction, grief, history, linkedin, loss of a parent, mother and daughter, mother and son, orbs, paranormal, parental loss, son, spirit, spirituality, supernatural, survivorship, TV, writing
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A trip back east in search of a sense of hope
Following a departure from an audio-visual company reeling from its inability to finish a new product for which they never completed the software, I engaged in full-time caregiving for my wife as she sank into another recurrence of the ovarian … Continue reading
Posted in anxiety, Christopher Cudworth, fear, foregiveness, friendship, mental health, mental illness, PEAK EXPERIENCES, running
Tagged cancer, cancer survivorship, cancer treatment, Cayuga Lake, chemotherapy, family, fear, finger lakes, hope, ithaca new york, ovarian cancer, relationships, sense of hope, survivorship, tarsnakes, therapy, truth, vacation, we run and ride, wineries
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An unpleasant start to an ultimately pleasant triathlon
Open-water swimming is one of life’s acquired joys. Unless one grows up swimming in ponds, lakes, or oceans it takes a bit of practice to get used to the idea of climbing into the water and swimming over whatever depths … Continue reading
Posted in anxiety, Christopher Cudworth, cycling, Depression, fear, mental health, PEAK EXPERIENCES, race pace, racing peak, riding, running, swimming
Tagged christophercudworth, coaching, olympic distance triathlon, pleasant prairie triathlon, runner, running, triathlete, triathlon, werunandride
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Not “woe is me,” but resiliency
Following the emotional breakdown of my wife after the cancer returned in 2007 after two years of treatments and remission, I proceeded to lose my new job at the marketing agency. It had taken months to work up the courage … Continue reading
Posted in anxiety, Christopher Cudworth, competition, Depression, fear, mental health, mental illness
Tagged adhd, agency, anxiety, CEO, CFO, corporate, daily herald, Depression, games, grief, life, marketing, torn ACL
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Rough landings
I was a high jumper during my high school career and first year of college. I jumped 6′ 1/2″ in college, my best ever. Not bad for a distance runner with skinny calves and not much in the thigh area … Continue reading
50 Years of Running: Cataclysmic convergence
My competitive instincts had not abated much in my early forties, but one quickly learns as a caregiver that being competitive is not the answer to every problem. In fact, it constitutes an answer to few problems. It doesn’t help … Continue reading
Posted in 10K, aging, aging is not for the weak of heart, Christopher Cudworth, competition, fear, foregiveness, life and death, running, we run and ride
Tagged 360 degree review, adhd, cancer, cancer cells, cancer diagnosis, chemotherapy, Christopher Cudworth, competition, competitive instincts, competitor, daily herald, distance running, gynecological oncology, hospice, life and death, newspaper industry, ovarian cancer, pancreatic cancer, prognosis, sponsorships, stroke, stroke victim, surgery, work performance
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50 Years of Running: Eighth-grade realities
Despite my love of laughter and being considered funny if I could make that happen, my anxious nature also meant grappling with a conflicted mind. I loved making friends but worried about what they thought of me. I worked hard … Continue reading
Posted in aging, aging is not for the weak of heart, anxiety, Christopher Cudworth, competition, cross country, fear, healthy aging, healthy senior, life and death, love, mental health, nature, running, running shoes, trail running
Tagged 50 years of running, assholes, assholes by aaron james, bitches, book about assholes, eighth-grade wisdom, philosophy
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50 Years of Running and the will to win at any cost
When we lose at something it can feel like a small death. But when we accept losing because it is part of life or even embrace losing as a means to move beyond our present circumstance, that is smiling back at death. It’s hard to admit, but that’s a lesson most of us have to learn time and again. It certainly was the case with my distance running career, where a win one week was no guarantee of a win the next. As the saying goes, you’re only as good as your last victory.
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