A weekend triathlon and The Battle of Troy

Triathlons are all about the preparation.

Triathlons are all about the preparation.

During dinner with more than 25 friends at a Racine, Wisconsin restaurant, my companion Sue received a voice from our hotel back in Kenosha. “Call us in the next ten minutes or we’re giving away your room,” the caller said.

The caller was a young man named Troy. He was managing a busy desk at a hotel jam packed with triathletes readying for the Racine Half Ironman the next day. Every room in the region was booked. Our friends were forced to drive back to Gurnee and Illinois to find lodging.

Sue swung into action calling Troy at the front desk of our hotel. The kid had no backup, it seemed. Such is the state of modern society. When everything’s run on a shoestring, it really hurts when the shoestring breaks. Certainly triathletes can relate to such circumstances. That why a good athlete spends time prepping every aspect of their preparation. A busted shoelace or a forgotten set of swim goggles can seriously mess things up. Yes you can often improvise solutions. But that’s now how you want to go about things all the time.

We weren’t really fond of the idea of sleeping overnight in the Subaru. And likely we could have found a room with friends at the race. But it was getting toward evening and all Sue wanted to do was check in, go through her gear and wind down in time to get to sleep by 9:15 or so.

IMG_0935And that happened, but not before Troy ran the credit card six times and was declined each time. It turned out the hotel had copied own the expiration date incorrectly.

We arrived at the hotel by then and gave them a card to check in. Troy glanced nervously at the small stack of papers on the counter next to the phone. Apparently he’d promised our room to someone else and now it was gone. Hotels all over the area were overbooked and overpriced. There are indeed times when greedy commerce, supply and demand can really screw things up.

“I’ll take care of that,” Troy informed us about the other couple’s paperwork. As if that were our problem. That’s the other side of business that creates interesting situations. It’s funny how often someone else’s problems become your own. That potential guilt you feel at having taken back or taken away an opportunity for comfort from someone else is a strange phenomenon in this world.

IMG_0211Indeed there is an entire world dynamic based on that very premise. That it’s okay to move on with your life even when others are inconvenienced. But when you legitimately made a hotel reservation and gave the correct information to a hotelier that wrote it down wrong, it really is not your problem to fix.

Another of our friends booked through an online hotel discount website and arrived to find there was no record of her reservation. Still others booked the wrong weekend by mistake and had to punt of their own accord. Tarsnakes abound.

It really is a war of errors out there. Fortunately for us the Battle of Troy was resolved with little bloodshed. He was quite sheepish and apologetic once we arrived in person.

The next morning as we began to relate the Battle of Troy to a triathlon club teammate, he chuckled and said, “Oh that was you? We were standing at the counter and wondered what poor person he was talking to?”

We all had a laugh at that because we were already rested and fed and ready to drive up to Racine so that Sue could check in and get the body going for the race. Had we been ditched from our room and forced to sleep on some floor in another hotel it would not have been so funny.

IMG_0792It would have been an ugly interruption of a rather serendipitous weekend thus far. We’d gone to the beach for a pre-race swim on Saturday only to find a massive storm swinging in from the southwest. Sue and I ditched that plan and headed up the lake for a drive and a visit to the lighthouse when the tornado sirens sounded. We stole some photos first at a wedding site and then headed over to the Wingspread home designed by Frank Lloyd Wright. The docent came running out with an umbrella and a worried look on his face. “Come inside,” he said, “There’s a tornado warning.”

Those of us that have visited enough FLW architecture realize there may not be that much comfort in hiding during a storm. The homes all seem to leak, and who knows how well they might stand up to a tornado? But that’s not the point. They are simply beautiful in so many ways, and this last construction of a residence by FLW is a masterpiece of space and economy. Plus it certainly beat sitting in a car during a rainstorm.

IMG_0863But that was Saturday. Already it was Sunday morning, and we pulled up to the park where the race is held. Sue pulled her Tyr bag out and departed for the transition zone. I sat there a moment in the car and watched as another vehicle pulled away, leaving a parking space right at the corner of the street. I could not believe it was legal to park there. But I pulled the car up and looked at all the signage. Sure enough, it was good to go. I got out and chatted with the women parked in front of me. “Are we sure this is legal?” I asked.

“Count your blessings,” she replied with a smile. “We just got lucky.”

And that set the stage for a rather relaxed day on my part. Sue swam just over 30 minutes, biked in just about 3 hours and ran for a couple more, and the race was over. She’d rehearsed her Ironman pace on a somewhat hot day and emerged with a smile on her face.

IMG_0913I hung with friends on the lip of the lake and got a little sun. The water was 61 degrees but I joined a pre-teen child of my friends for a swim in the cold water. We hung out like buds telling fishing stories and laughing about how crooked I swam when we raced. The teen girls made sand castles blissfully forgetful of their true age and the demands of being young women in this world.

It was July, the height of summer. The brats from the beach food stand tasted good after an hour run in the morning sun. There were showers to wash off the salt and life was good. The rest of the world’s cares had to wait outside the park. There were families sprawled all over the grassy hill overlooking the tri-course. Babies and moms and young couples were busy enjoying their smooth skin and lack of years. The triathletes came piling out of the bike zone to run their hot half-marathon and people cheered with earnest good will.

Everyone knows that the race is hard. But smiles predominated even the faces of the IMG_0932competitors. A yell of encouragement was most often greeted with a “Thanks” from a passing runner. The entire world of that venue seemed integrated. People of all races and ages mixed as dogs sniffed each other and children came tearing down the hill with abandon.

The Battle of Troy was long forgotten. The day wore on and athletes finished up their travels with joy and relief. The wind was a bitch on the bike, and the roads always suck around Racine. But one could not argue with the hospitality of the place, and my multiple trips to the car for my own triathlon of running, swimming and eating was made far easier by a parking space delivered by the gods of such things.

By the time we left Suzanne turned to me and said, “I’m happy.” And that’s really the goal and the point of all this, and life itself. What better words can you hope to share under a bright sun and such warm air.

werunandridelogo

Posted in Christopher Cudworth, Tarsnakes, triathlon | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

The naked face of summer

Lingerie_Women_www.laba.ws

We tend to be inundated with so many sexual images in our daily lives it can be difficult to sort out genuine feelings of attraction and sensuality from the many slams on our sexual cortex delivered through the media. So let’s be frank about a human need. Being naked or nearly naked and having sex is a good thing for both the body and the soul.

Last evening I watched an HBO program that featured the Ted talk by Cindy Gallop. She has created a website to promote healthier, more honest sexual content. It’s titled Make Love, Not Porn. She cuts through the precepts of the porn industry to encourage couples of all orientations to stop with the often mysogynistic views of sexuality promoted by the porn industry and find your way to healthier views of body, soul and sex.

We all know the porn industry is huge. It makes billions of dollars for purveyors of sexual imagery. Banning the industry as some people might like to do would not really stop the exchange of such imagery.

The real question we should be asking is how do we educated ourselves and our children about sex? And, how does it balance with othere healthy physical, mental and social behaviors.

cyclist-triathlete-bulgeThe reason this all relates to running and riding and swimming is that we tend to celebrate our bodies through these activities as well. It gets a bit confusing in fact when we see a particularly athletic body to which we’re attracted. The leading fitness magazines all toss hot bodies on the cover.

But let’s start with the fact that our faces are almost always naked. There are cultures that think even facial skin is too much to bear. They force women to wear covers over their faces in order to avoid temptation.

Recognizing this is an issue of control and fear towards women, the majority of the world does not impose such restrictions. But then were does it stop?

Well frankly, it doesn’t. Once you decide that faces are okay to view, then shoulders are fair game too. Then backs, and bellies. Thighs and calves and ankles too. Athletes of all genders bare these parts of their bodies on a daily basis. It’s particularly true from June through August. The naked face of summer is delicious in its entirety.

BH2TuIf you have never actually been naked out of doors, you really need to try it. Do it under cover of night if you have not been so bold as to wander around in daylight. Even a walk through your garden at midnight without clothes on is an enlightening experience. All your sensations come alive. If you’re lucky enough to have a partner to toss down a blanket and make love outdoors (barring attacks from mosquitos or encounters with skunks) there is much to be learned from the excitement.

Running naked down a long beach with no one around, just the sea breeze up your butt crack and the sun beating down on your shoulders? That’s also being alive. See, it’s not just about sex, this sex thing. It’s about feeling your sex. Feeling male. Feeling female. Feeling your gender and what your body does and does not want you to do.

We can laugh about the risks of running naked. Women with large breasts may find it a bit painful. Same with men hung so low they flap on their own thighs. So make it a short run. Or just walk. The naked face of summer wants you to feel alive. Feel yourself.

beach dadAmerica’s prudish obsession with being clothed outdoors is a sad commentary on the divides that exist in our country. Why does our country discriminate against the naked?

People can say, “Oh I don’t want to see that…” because older people may not be so beautiful to look at. But what is that attitude, really? It’s a form of discrimination against the aged. It’s a denial that we’ll all get old someday. It’s a denial of our own humanity and our own mortality. It’s a sin, really.

The real sin is discrimination against our naked selves. Of course the Internet is a virtual landscape where that discrimination cannot be held against us. Just visit the portal of any general porn website and there are millions upon millions of people willingly exposing their bodies. Some even invite commentary. You can argue all day about the narcissism of these sites, but placed against the discriminatory attitudes we have against naked bodies in society, and the massive resistance to the taboo, and you can surmise there is a certain liberation going on. People are tired of being told they have to hide behind clothes.

4340578092_68e88e6765_zIt’s an interesting facet of our culture here in America that the political party that claims to love liberty and personal freedom is the party most involved in trying to control what women and men do with their bodies. The Republican Party simply cannot handle the idea that sexuality is an important part of personal freedom. This deep dichotomy drives so many of them to distraction, and manifests itself in many confusing ways. Just look at the many comely women on the Fox News channel. Are they all legitimately there as news reporters? Or is the titillation of legs and boobs on screen a Trojan Horse (pardon the pun) to allow Fox to deliver its discriminating, politically charged and angry message into the minds of millions of Fox viewers?

In the political world we constantly find sexual secrets and supposedly devastating affairs cropping up among those who lobby against the very nature of their own being. Those that deny their own urges and feelings are often the most persistent and zealous persecutors. Of the things they most hate or deny in themselves. Even the Apostle Paul might have been a gay man. Conflicted at heart by his own urges, he was brilliant nonethelessm the ultimate proselytizer of Christian faith.

But the movement to empower oneself by distributing and celebrating self-imagery that includes naked pictures is an interesting blowback against the long history of culture that says sex and bodies images are bad.

id_134_2005ITUGamagoriEliteU23JuniorTriathlonWorldChampionshipsEliteWomen20050911_1054__mediumCertainly athletes stand on the forefront of this. Going all the way back to Greek and Roman era images, we see naked athletes competing in games. Why were they naked? What admission was those societies willing to make that then got obscured by religion and imprudent prudence?

The hyper-religious might argue that those societies decayed due to such hedonism. But wait: they also lasted thousands of years. They brought forth some of the greatest thinking in all of history, including the concepts of freedom and democracy we now try to enjoy today.

The emphasis should be placed on the phrase “try to enjoy.” Because it’s the fascination with the taboo that is driving the mysogyny of porn. It is the urge for domination in the face of rejection that makes men want to watch women being abused. It is fear over women’s bodies and the mystery of sex that makes being seen naked so seemingly dangerous. And it’s the literal interpretation of the Adam and Eve story that sets the whole fear thing in motion.

It’s time to stop being so literal about the idea of being naked, and start being real about it. That’s why athletes have such an important role to play. Stripping down to compete as we run, ride and swim is a manifest way to take ownership of our bodies and show that our sex is real, whatever that may be. Male, female or transgender.

Get real, or get out of the way.

werunandridelogo

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The obstacle course and the Tour de France

human_agility_by_loobyloukittyAbout a decade ago I wrote to one of the leading physiotherapy groups in the Chicago region with an idea to promote their services. And I paraphrase. “We should set up Human Agility Trials just like they do for dogs.”

And of course that whole movement has taken off with Spartan Races and every sort of contraption known to man set up as obstacle courses.

Distracted focus

I recalled the allure for competing on obstacle courses when I was a kid. Our Outdoor Education program set up an obstacle course in a park. I was instantly obsessed. I was also insanely competitive. At every chance I got I did the course and got faster and faster. Possessed already of the fastest time, I watched with worry and envy as anyone else took their turn. I did not want to lose.

During time away from the obstacle course, I was supposed to be working on math problems and English grammar. But all I could do is stare at my fellow classmates starting into the obstacle course. Nothing else on this earth mattered more to me than to be the fastest person through that course when the field day was over.

And I was, but with a cost. My teachers were quite upset with my lack of attention to other subject matter. I did not care. What mattered to me was winning.

Playing nice

A friend once told me that I had to learn to play nice with others, especially girls. But I’d been beaten by girls in races and other events and did not see any real reason to go easy on them in games or competition. “They won’t like you if you beat them.” That was a tough choice of course. By then I was in middle school and all that mattered in life was that girls would like me.

Later in life I went on a date with woman to play racquetball. She beat me 20-1 or something like that. I had to bite my tongue the rest of the night. We did not go out again. And such is life as an obstacle course.

High level obstacles

It’s true at the top level of sport. We’re all trying to get through one obstacle course or another. When there are no obstacles to traverse, we seem to find ways to turn everyday life into an obstacle. That crash in the early phases of the Tour de France this year, in which Fabian Cancellara went head over heels into the ditch was one helluva an example of how dangerous riding your bike at 35 mph can be.

tony-martin-broken-collarbone-stage-6-tdf-2015But then Tony Martin went down in a heap just by touching wheels with the rider ahead of him and wound up with his collar bone sticking out the skin of his shoulder. Ouch.

I’ve been there to some degree. There’s a plate on my left clavicle as a result of a bike crash at 40 mph in the hills of Wisconsin. I’m still working out scar tissue on my back from the collision I brought on myself last summer by not looking ahead on the trail. There was a fallen tree you see, and it was much too big to bunny hop even if I’d been looking ahead.

Obstacles 

moneyIn business and in life there are obstacles to our success around every turn. For small businesses the problem is often maintaining a good level of cash flow. But when small business owners go to the bank for a line of credit, approval is dependent on the whims of lenders from the local bank all the way up to Wall Street and investment capital moguls? Money is both a path to success and an obstacle.

And when you get down to it, money is an obstacle to the spirit as well. Jesus warned people that money is the root of all evil. He warned that it is harder for a rich man to get into heaven than it is for a camel to get through the eye of a needle. Talk about an obstacle! That’s a tight squeeze. It’s one of the tarsnakes of faith that success and fortune on this earth does not guarantee you grace in the eyes of God. That is a gift. How you respect that gift is the measure of salvation.

Creating obstacles for others

Racial Discrimination Its Roots and FormsThere are plenty of people who construct obstacles for others that should never exist. Racial discrimination is one such obstacle. So is discrimination by gender, or sexual orientation. Some people seem to think it’s their duty in life to make things harder for others. They complain that their life is hard, so why should others have it easy? But the Bible disagrees with this philosophy.

Imagine going through every day of your life hurdling obstacles that should never exist. You’re a young black male and every day your drive through a particular neighborhood you’re pulled over and questioned. Hassled and harassed. Even pushed around or verbally Dubois-BlackMen-Police-Brutalityabused. People are forced everyday to navigate obstacles in society that should not exist. Then politicians make those obstacles into law, or refuse to change laws that encourage such behavior. Then the police turn those laws or attitudes into blunt practice. The rage builds on both sides.

Life is not always fair. But it is often our perceptions too that cause us grief. Recall the lesson from the Bible in which the vineyard owner hires workers at the start of the day for a fair wage. But those people get angry when the owner hires workers toward the end of the day who get the same wage. The owner chastises their jealousy. “Were you not happy when I hired you?” he asks. “Why are you bitter now? Is it not my choice who I pay and what I pay them?”

Every damned day

Everyone gets tired of such obstacles. Both workers and managers struggle to find balance. But when frustrated bosses or flat out jerks seem determined to make every day a pain in the ass for anyone who encounters them, it can create a living hell on earth. It’s a control freak’s world in such cases. Typically everyone is glad when the jerk finally gets the can.

But then you find out something in their life was awry and you feel bad. Their mother was sick and living in their home for a couple years, about to die. Then you hear they finally did die and it makes you feel guilty that you never took the time to find out why they were so upset all the time. Those are obstacles of conscience. The world loves to ignore them. We’re supposed to love our neighbors, and also our enemies. But it’s hard.

Badgers and bastards

LeMond-Hinault_1927516cYet there are people who love to hate. It makes them feel fulfilled, like a reason to live. One thinks of The Badger, Bernard Hinault, who won the Tour de France several times before he was asked to help a young Greg Lemond win a Tour title himself. But Hinault could not bring himself to completely help the young rider. He pushed and prodded, broke promises and broke faith. One could perhaps suggest that all that competitiveness was what drove Lemond to greatness. The difficulty of fighting with a teammate might have been what drove him to complete the task. That’s a tough bunch of days at “the office.” Which is what the Tour is for professional cyclists.

lance-armstrong-alberto-contadorThe same thing happened with Alberto Contador and Lance Armstrong as well. The biggest obstacle to success in Contador’s pursuit of a Tour de France victory was the comeback of one Lance Armstrong. They rode on the same team, but when Armstrong had the chance he caught a break in the peloton and left Contador behind. With no remorse, Armstrong said, “That’s bike racing.”

Okay, we get that Lance. We also got that the comeback was somewhat suspicious. Once you confessed to doping, it changed the whole picture.

Removing obstacles

SalazarBut the sport is still likely rife with doping. Cyclists at that level have long been tempted to remove the obstacles of their own limitations by taking performance enhancing drugs. It’s true in track and field too. There’s a controversy raging about the coaching and performance of athletes under the tutelage of Alberto Salazar. Year after year lead sprinters get caught using steroids. Even the world doping administrations admit they only catch about 2% of the actual number of athletes using drugs. 2%.

Obsessions

Algebraic-ExpressionsI think back to the obsession I had to win that obstacle course competition back in grade school and I kind of get the temptations to cheat to win. I didn’t need to cheat then, but I was cheating myself in other respects. When you get behind in math there are quite a few obstacles to your success. Math is a sequential process. Later in life when I took algebra and got behind, there was no such thing as “catching up.” Those formulas depend on accrued learning to be able to progress in the discipline. I was lost and off course in that class, and got a D. That was kind of the teacher to be frank.

Those are hard lessons to learn. Mental focus applies across so many categories of performance and behavior. And think of how disappointing it must be for those athletes in the Tour to be riding along and lose focus for just a moment. Suddenly they’re thrown in the air or tossed to the tarmac. It might not even be their own fault. In fact it often isn’t. In a split second their entire year, and even their cycling career, is put at risk.

Carrying on

Which is why we so admire the cyclists that get back on their bikes and carry on. Watching Tony Martin guided to the finish line by his teammates while wearing the yellow jersey was a bittersweet moment in the tour. His left arm was curled up under him like a crab’s leg. It was obvious he could not ride the next day. Yet pride carried him through the finish line. He flew overnight to Germany and had surgery the next morning. He’s probably already back on his bike, training for some late summer or fall race.

That’s all any of us can do. Face the obstacles the best way we can. And that’s probably why the Tour de France is so compelling and watchable. Even with a seemingly foregone conclusion as the winner in 2015, there are mini-dramas and obstacles being overcome each and every day. It’s not just an obstacle course. It’s an obstacle, of course. Set them up and knock them down. That’s life in a nutshell.

werunandridelogo

Posted in bike crash, bike wobble, Christopher Cudworth, competition, cycling, Tarsnakes, triathlon | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

How to benefit from using speed in your training

lasse-viren-onitsuka-tigerAthletes who do not come up through organized programs in endurance sports often struggle with how to improve their base speed. They simply never get put in situations where the pace is pushed enough to stretch their self-perception.

If your target race pace is 8:00 per mile, then your speed work needs to exceed that pace in training by as much as a minute per mile. Running 8:00 miles requires you to run 400 meters in 2:00.

Limits of Repetition

You can certainly approach your target pace by running that pace again and again in hopes of accumulating enough overall fitness to sustain that pace over the target distance you choose. But that’s pace work, not speed work. Real speed training involves running significantly faster than your goal race pace.

The benefits of speed work are twofold. Pushing the pace actually increases your overall fitness by pushing your heart rate higher and increasing your leg turnover or cadence.Thus speed work also creates both a perception and capacity for pace tolerance with less relative effort. The simple fact is that speed training makes your race pace feel easier.

Cycling psychology

This is true in cycling as well. So many cyclists ride in the same range of effort all the time. Typically this is in a range from 18-22 mph for group ride and criterium cyclists, where it is generally considered to be a good effort to have finished a 60-80 mile ride at 20+ mph.

In order to ride at a better average pace, one must create opportunities to ride much faster in training, up to 24-28 mph in order to increase that base case capability.

For triathletes the pace must come through building of overall strength and balance. But speed work can still play an important role in pace (and pain) tolerance on the bike and the run.

Removing barriers

The math of better speed work is generally simple.

For example, an 8:00-per-mile pace is 2:00 per 400 meter lap on the track. Running this pace on a track can be enormously helpful establishing the “feel” of going along at your race pace.

But what you really want to accomplish is the feel that race pace is easy. That means your per-lap pace in speed work needs to be significantly faster than your target race pace.

The increments are plain and simple. Running 7:00-mile pace means you need to cover 400 meters in 1:45 per lap. Now you’re getting into the realm of real speed work.

HurdlesOnWetTrackA typical workout might involve a set of intervals such as 8 X 400 at your speed work pace. Give yourself that 400-meter job between to recover, and recognize that the first two intervals mile actually feel harder than the middle four. When your body warms to the task the pace often becomes smoother. The last two intervals tend to be hard because you’re growing fatigue.

Be sure to warm up and cool down well. If you’re sharp the first week of doing this work you can add some 200s at at a pace 1-3 seconds faster than your speed workout as well. Running these 200s with slightly tired legs is a wonderful test of fitness and perception.

Once you’ve accomplished 10 X 400 at speed workout pace you can add in 800s. Ladder workouts are also exceptional at helping you use speed over distance. 2 X 400, 1 X 800, 1 X 1320 and 1M and back down is a great way to go.

Cycling workouts

To increase cycling pace requires isolating speed into segments. The ideal place to do this is within a longer ride with defined periods of hard effort. Or, you can set up a criterium course of right turns around a quiet block in your neighborhood.

chris-horner_2659708kThe same principles hold true for cycling speed work as they do for running. Ride hard for 2 minutes at 3-4 mph faster than your base pace at 40 miles. That is, if you can average 20 mph, you should do your speed workout at 23-25mph.

Six to eight of these intervals once a week should be incorporated into your “speed ride.” If you have riding partners you can do these together it can be wonderful to press each other.

Triathletes will want to consider the distance they are racing; sprint, Olympic, Half or Full Ironman. Here it is perception as much as base training that matters. But on a typical 70-80 mile ride it can shake out the muscles and build confidence to put in healthy solo surges and ride through the “recovery” phase to build that ability to work through race day fatigue.

Overcoming the dread

Some people dread speed work as the most difficult part of their workout regimen. But in terms of the most beneficial activity you can do to increase your fitness and improve your pace, there is no better return on investment.

So stop the dread and let speed work stretch your head. The pain is only temporary, but the benefits carry over to better racing.

werunandridelogo

Posted in Christopher Cudworth, competition, cycling, doing pulls in cycling, triathlon | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments

The chicken or the egg dilemma on triathlons and fidelity

It's a classic question of cause and effect.

It’s a classic question of cause and effect.

In this world it is not often easy to separate cause and effect. The classic example of that challenge is the question, “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” If the chicken came first, from where did it come? And if the egg came first, what created it?

Actually we know the answer to those kinds of questions. They are generally more complex than people normally like to consider. But for our purposes here, it is the questions that matter most.

Don’t be chicken

For example, if a forty-something man or woman decides to do triathlons in the middle of their life, is that a chicken expressing its cage free lifestyle or is that a spirit waiting to hatch all over again? Even religion recognizes the need to be “born again” as a reflection of new commitment in life.

And if that forty-something man or woman discovers, as a result of their being “born again” in the athletic spirit, a community of people with like interests and enthusiasms, is that a self-fulfilling prophecy or the product of circumstance.

And if that forty-something man or woman suddenly finds a love interest among that community, and takes up with that person, is that a chicken or an egg proposition?

Free range chickens

Free range chickens on the lookout for fun.

Free range chickens on the lookout for fun.

Because it happens all the time, it seems. Triathletes, in particular, seem to be prone to transformative relationships taking over their lives. The enthusiasm for the sport is matched only by the propensity to engage in athletic flings with people of the other sex, even if it is the same sex.

In other words, sex is often involved. And that brings involvement, which leads to romantic entanglement or commitment, which often leads to leaving unsatisfactory or unhealthy marriages.

It is apparent that many triathletes discover something in themselves that leads them to deep personality changes. Or, their personality is changing for better or worse and the lure of a deep commitment like getting fit and racing triathlons is the ideal environment to indulge those changes.

Cracking eggs

chicken and egg

Getting a leg up on the process. 

There are tensions that happen when one partner dives into triathlon training at any level. The spouse left behind can feel neglected, for example. Or, if both spouses are training, there are questions as to whose training is more important. During an Ironman year, training can require hours away from home, weekends spent in camps and hotels and tents and oh, you get the picture.

Marriage is also, in essence, a triathlon of sorts. The three sports are love, money and sex. You have to work at all three disciplines it seems to be a success in marriage. Like all athletic endeavors, and marriage is just that, people vary in their abilities in all three of these disciplines.

A person that excels in love may suck at the money part. Same goes for great sex. That person might be great in the sack but their capacity for true love and the work of relationships may be lacking. And those with lots of money may feel their coin can buy them both love and sex.

Try Athletes

There's a lot of chickens on the farm.

There’s a lot of chickens on the farm.

And so, lacking in any of these categories in their marriage or relationship, people sometimes go seeking––or fall prey to–– temptation in any of these categories. It so happens that there are people competing in triathlons that come from all these different disciplines.

Some have money and all the equipment in the world, but their lives feel hollow. Others crave a physical connection that is either lacking or insufficient, and go seeking sex or something like it among people who are similarly excited about life. Still others simply want to be loved, and the triathlon community, while habitually narcissistic in many ways, has a nice habit of affirmation.

Egging yourself on

But that’s the problem. All that feedback serves as signals that people care. And on that morning following a nice comment from someone on Facebook a quieter conversation begins between two people and suddenly they’ve got a training date set up. Hours on a bike or the run can be a very intimate setting. Lives can be shared, and disappointments too. Intimate secrets emerge. Intimate promises get intimated.

Chicken legs and all

Chicken legs and all

And sooner or later, those two people hook up for another training run. Or a ride. or a swim. It becomes a habit. Then a commitment. Athletic sparks fly, and sex sooner or later takes place. It’s almost an inevitability among people working so hard to improve their bodies. They want to give them a test run. At home it may not even matter to the spouse what muscles show or what weight is lost. Just mow the lawn and take out the garbage goes the standard line. That’s what matters.

Or the person doing all the changing no longer cares enough to take care of those things. Either way is a formula for tragedy.

Life tectonics

And so it becomes a matter of life philosophy, a set of seemingly irreconcilable differences emerges. Then it becomes a matter of life tectonics (my phrase) in which the fissures of a marriage become as evident as a fault line in the landscape. The earthquake may come slow or fast. It may rumble deep for a time or come about in a cataclysm of bald accusation and confrontation. But it rattles and shakes things the way only deep differences or shallow needs can drive the tectonic forces of a human life.

Then comes separation or divorce. Hurt feelings and liberated spirits. There is no strict pattern to what the outcomes will be. Some people simply need to move on from marriages that were not meant to be, or that grew stale, or dangerous, or sad.

Selective breeding

You can analyze all that from a biblical perspective, and demand that marriage should never be broken, but there are a lot of laws and rules from the Bible to which people no longer pay attention. Even the most devout religious belief system is a highly selective product of choosing which laws matter most from scripture. It’s true in all the major religions from Judaism to Christianity to Islam. Zealots hold to the letter of some law and turn it into dogma.

I can speak only from the Christian perspective, and hold to the fact that it is love that drives most good in the world. So it is with sympathy that I regard the challenges of keeping and holding onto love in this world. There is love that drives the universe, and that is agape love, that which holds societies and hope together. There is also interpersonal love, that which underwrites the urge to create communities and care for one another. And there is sexual love, which is the gut-level drive to connect, to bond and to transcend.

Chickens in transition

leglampAmong my friends there are many who are on their second marriage and quite happy. These were not athletes splitting up with their mates to try a quick fling with a fellow athlete. So the dynamics of re-relationship are true amongst all people, not just triathletes.

But what we’re talking about here is a percentage and a trend among triathletes that is too evident to ignore. It’s a sport that draws people seeking challenge and change. It’s no coincidence perhaps that the sport intrinsically speaks a language that sets the stage. There are “transition stages” built right into the sports. There are three disciplines pulling you in new directions.

There is also spandex and hard nipples and bulges and the fine healthy sweat that come from hard efforts. It all beckons and bribes the spirit into new passions. Like the Leg Lamp in the movie Christmas story, lights come on and the imagination starts to rise.

Tastes like chicken

It’s not everyone who does triathlons of course that gets involved with other people. There are many couples who make it work from within the sport.

However, a wise spouse that does not want to do triathlons should have that conversation about time commitments and obligations. If one spouse who does not pursue endurance sports acknowledges the need in another person, there are healthy ways to encourage that need and continue to grow the relationship in substantial ways.

All of us make choices in these areas. For example, I get asked frequently if I’m training for an Ironman because my companion is in training for Ironman Wisconsin. We talked last year about the nature of that commitment, and I assured her that I support her effort. In fact I’m doing a substantial amount of training with her because it is enjoyable, fun and a way to share in the process. In a couple weeks she spends an entire weekend at Ironman camp. They’ll ride 120+ miles and run 13 and swim quite a bit. It’s all necessary to prepare for a race the length of an Ironman.

But I seriously have no desire to do the Ironman distance. Back when I raced in road running and track I had no real desire to run a marathon either. The marathon distance just did not resonate with me the same way seemed to attract others. I was always of the attitude, “More power to them.”

Some of us simply find our happiness qualitatively, not quantitatively. So when asked if I’m training for Ironman, I just smile and say, “No.” I say. “I’m going to do a Sprint and see how that goes first.”

Triangulations

Which came first, the pumpkin or the vine?

Which came first, the pumpkin or the vine?

But I’ll be excited to watch my companion Sue compete in her Ironman race this September. We’re sharing the travails and the triumphs of training together.

As a side benefit, I get to give her foot and leg rubs with regular consistency, and she likes that. Sometimes she even has energy for more things.

The basic truth is this: As an athlete I understand the effort she’s putting in, and can see and appreciate the progress. I remember how I felt during those 100-mile weeks in distance training. Any extra thing that comes along can feel like a burden. I was obsessive about sleep, about eating right, and staying off my feet when I could. My late wife called it Golden Leg Syndrome. I could take the teasing, and so could she, because she also enjoyed seeing me compete and win. She knew that meant a lot to me at the time.

Solving the chicken conundrum

But as for the point in life where people depart from one person to another, it’s a simple fact that we all have a past and commitments in life. Some of this is satisfactory to our self-perception, and some not so much. We must all still live in the present, and while this does not justify people taking leave of marriages for selfish reasons, it does help explain the chicken or the egg challenge to some degree. Triathletes engaging in extra-marital relationships is both a product and a sign of personal actualization. Some of this is wonderful. Some of it not so much.

free-range-chickens

Eggs with feathers on them.

Thus to the question, “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” we simply answer “Yes.”

Don’t you see? The egg is the chicken, and the chicken is also the egg. It’s only our impositions and perceptions that demand a resolution to that question. Both the chicken and the egg came from processes far larger than stunted questions about form and priority. Despite the contentions of those Intelligent Design nitwits, there is no such thing as irreducible complexity. Absolutely everything is complex, and everything is part of a process. Throwing God into the equation is nothing more than a lame excuse to sell the idea that the chicken automatically comes first. 

That’s the problem with this world, in fact. People try to sell the concept that red herring questions actually solve problems rather than examining the broader aspects of why and how people (or chickens) become what they are. And do what they do. Partisan politics, for example, tends to take the chicken or the egg approach to forcing people to make choices that are much more nuanced and complex than “lower taxes” or “ban abortion.” 

Here’s your answer

So it’s not just that people do triathlons and start messing around with other people. It’s that taking any sort of step toward self-actualization is going to set off a chicken or the egg response inside the soul. It happens in lots of other places. But because the triathlon is basically a free range chicken ranch where lots of people get together in one place to strut their chicken stuff, we simply see it a lot more often.

Bawkbawkbawk. Go lay an egg. See you at the Sunday Group Ride.

werunandridelogo

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Summer engagements and the drivetrain of love

depositphotos_3461043-Bicycle-chainOne of the vexing problems with any bike is the optimal function of the drivetrain. That is, the chain and the crank and the hubs and derailleur. That’s a bunch of moving parts that have to function in good relationship in order to have a bike in working order.

This weekend while riding the hills of Wisconsin once again, my shifting left much to be desired. I slipped the chain early in the ride while jumping from the small to the big ring. It flopped off in all its greasy glory. Even after cleaning the thing the other day it was black with dirt already. A ride in the rain will do that, and there was no time to clean it before our trip north. Or so I told myself.

So I stopped to push the chain back onto the big ring and rode back up to meet the mates. The rest of the ride I paid careful attention to my shifting, usually pushing the left shifter gingerly while I watched the chain shift onto the big ring. Ugh, I’m terrible at that. Too hard sometimes, not hard enough at others.

We rode the Ironman loop and traversed the hills known as Three Bitches once again. I’m starting to love those bitches. There’s a side to all of us that rather loves a bit of bitchiness. A ride without a bit of bitchiness to it can be boring. We’d rather ride up a hill and bitch about it than have nothing to talk about it. Plus we rode much bigger hills during the Horribly Hilly 100 and the Three Bitches no longer seemed so bitchy. We didn’t even bitch about them. That’s the good kind of bitchiness. Life can be a bitch. It’s all in how you deal with it that matters.

Fat Tire BikesThe bad kind of bitchiness

Bitchiness in both men and women can be a big problem in relationships. It often takes form in one of those couples fights over nothing. It might start with an unspoken complaint about some aspect of daily life and evolve into something entirely different. Stuff like that happens all the time in relationships.

That type of challenge can be really hard for athletes to manage. There are so many nuances to relationships between athletes. Competitiveness. Time and commitment. Jealousy. Disappointment. Victory and loss.

Dealing with it

I know one couple that runs and rides and swims together. One of them recently got injured. She was miffed that she could not run and participate in their mutual program to qualify for Boston. But rather than come out and say it, and risk sounding like a complainer, she secretly harbored a small grudge that he could still run and she could not.

Well, that sank deeper into her emotional pool until it emerged as a full-on hurt. They fought with silence for a day or two before she confessed, “I just want you to miss me when I’m not out there running with you.”

Progress

Actually, that’s really sweet. It is also an apt expression of how we often can’t find the right feelings sometimes in our relationships. It’s like our emotional drive train slips a gear and the chain falls off. We go for a day or so hoping the other person will come by and help us put the chain back on. But ultimately we realize that we have to do that dirty work ourselves. So we bend over and tug and pull and lurch the chain back on and start pedaling to catch up to whatever our mates are doing up ahead.

ParkingThen it makes us even madder that they never noticed our chain fell off in the first place. Which starts another whole set of revolutions, and the argument can escalate from there. “You don’t miss me” becomes “You don’t pay enough attention to me” to “You don’t care about me.”

At that point the chain is not only falling off the relationship, it is tangled in the spokes as well. That means you both have to slow down and sort things out together. It might even mean standing out in the rain or the heat with water dripping off your forehead and running down your ass crack as you tug and pull on the greasy chain of love or friendship together.

Yet, it tends to be a greasy chain of love and trust upon which we depend to drive our relationships. We wish it could always stay shiny and clean and working like new, but it doesn’t. Like all collaborative relationships, the drivetrain of love accumulates a little dirt and history along the way. Unresolved feelings tug and pull. A collection of hurts or neglect gets jammed in the links. A gritty conversation or two creates noise and wears down the components. The drag of past relationships gets in the way. All need to be maintained and cleaned up with regular purpose and practice, lest we break a chain and have to start all over again.

Digging in the Dirt

It’s not fun all the time. In fact it’s not fun most of the time dealing with the darker side of our personalities in relationship with others. Peter Gabriel so effectively captures the process in his song, Digging in the Dirt:

Something in me, dark and sticky
All the time it’s getting strong
No way of dealing with this feeling
I can’t go on like this too long

He acknowledges that past hurts can contribute to present disappointments and doubts. It’s almost as if the grease itself sinks into our soul.

The more I look, the more I find
As I close on in, I get so blind
I feel it in my head, I feel it in my toes
I feel it in my sex, that’s the place it goes

TRi BikesWe wish our the Derailleur of Destiny were forever functioning in our favor. We flick the shifters of faith on hope that they will work. We ride up and down and around listening to the quiet whirr of our chain. Round and round it goes. Any small click makes us jump. A constant noise makes us worry. We are both chained and unchained from this process. That’s because We are human.

But if you recognize that your relationships take maintenance and that love might require a little lube to keep it working smoothly (both materially and spiritually) then you can be prepared for what comes along in life.

As to that effect, there are some basic tools needed to sort your feelings out and get them back in proper order on the drivetrain of life.

1. Trace those feelings in the direction of their true source, not their potential purpose. 

Too often we decide the outcome of our desires about hurt feelings before we even know where they’re coming from. We want to exact a pound of flesh for feeling hurt when half the time the drama is principally in our own heads. The other person to whom you are directing your negative emotions may not even know that you are mad or needy or feeling neglected. But if you establish what started your cycle of emotion, you can often get that out in the emotion and deal with it rather than starting a tangle of other emotions that have nothing to do with solving the problem and everything to do with winning a fight.

2. Try forgiveness first. 

If you feel hurt or angry toward your lover or your friend, give forgiveness a try first. The power of forgiveness is that you are not proceeding toward blame, but toward resolution. Anger is a both a weapon and a burden. Lay down your arms and take up faith and trust. Likewise ask for forgiveness if you know you are the one that committed a goofup. It’s a great place to start.

3. Think about the long term. 

Long time friends, couples and family have a history together. That can dredge up old feelings of hurt and unforgiveness. But if you think about the better parts of your relationships first, it often provides a passageway to discussion. But even beginning couples and associates need to think long term. It does you no good to win in the short term and lose the relationship completely.

4. Be prepared to recognize unfruitful relationships. 

At some point all people run into situations where personalities simply don’t mix. This does not mean you have to angrily dump that person from your life. But you can manage the amount of contact and types of interaction you have with them. This is true both in real time and on social media. It’s true in a pace line and on the track, in swim lanes and all the other places athletes interface with teammates and competitors. It’s a competitive world and we have to cut our losses and choose our victories carefully.

5. Think about the power of love. 

Love truly is a wonderful thing. But we also have to think about it as well as feel it. That’s the gateway to deeper relationships. When you understand the foundations of feelings for other people, you can accentuate those benefits by acknowledging their value in your life.

And sometimes, you can find yourself riding a shiny, clean bike with an absolutely silent chain. There are no complaints coming up from the drivetrain. Suddenly, that person you Sarah Cropped On Bikelove rides up next to you and the silence of riding together is golden. Not a word needs to be said. Just the smile and the turn of the pedals is all you need. It can be uphill, or you can both be suffering and just laugh. “This hill is a bitch,” you whisper to the one you love, or your riding friend. And then you ride up that bitch of a hill together.

These are our summer engagements and they depend upon the drivetrain of love. The process can last forever if you do some maintenance and pay attention to signs of trouble along the way. Then the ride is beautiful.

WeRunandRideLogo

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Announcing the Tarsnake Award from We Run and Ride

Tarsnake.AwardArriving home late last night, I was surprised to find an interesting item on my doorstep. It was a real, live tarsnake. Attached to the tarsnake was a baggie with a note inside. It said,

Tarsnake AwardTARSNAKE AWARD. YOU’RE THE FIRST RECIPIENT! PASS IT ON!

From: Anonymous.

We-are-anonymousNot, it’s not THAT Anonymous. That would be scary as shit. Instead, this is an Anonymous who obviously reads this blog. Who understands that tarsnakes really ARE out to take over the world, or at least knock you off your bike. Or trip you up while you’re running.

In case you’ve never wandered over to take a look at the Tarsnakes page on this site, here’s a description of their function in this strange little world we’ve created.

Tarsnakes also have metaphysical qualities. A tarsnake can be any thought or other phenomena that serves to trip you up along the way, cause you to swerve or crash, or just force you to take additional notice of the world.

Thus they are not all bad, but are instead the yin and yang of the road. You might want to consider them a tool for awareness. A brand of consciousness. The random reality of existing in the moment.

So, given the significance of tarsnakes, I am going to honor this gesture of insight on the part of my friend Anonymous. Because I think it’s pretty cool that they went to the trouble of picking up this big tarsnake and actually delivered it to my door.

Heap of TarsnakesBecause honestly, I have collected a few tarsnakes myself recently. The photo at right shows a 30-footer I gleaned from the street where I live. Looks pretty harmless all curled up like that, doesn’t it? Don’t be deceived. These things can kill you. Or at least wake you up a little.

See, I’m in the process of producing a book titled A Field Guide to Tarsnakes. It’s both funny and philosophical.

I also have designed a cycling jersey and tee shirt based on the theme RUN OVER THE TARSNAKES. I’ll reveal that design next week, and you can order one if you like.

As for the Tarsnake Award, I’m going to set this up as a package that can be awarded and redistributed At Will by those who receive it. I’ll only ask that folks who receive it submit the recipients name and location so that we can track where this award goes.

enano2Let us all hope it travels around the world like the peripatetic gnome in the movie Amelie, and let’s see who deserves recognition for Running Over the Tarsnakes with the best of them.

The first winner will be announced next week.

And thanks, Anonymous, for always being there when one least expects it.

werunandridelogo

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For this neutrino, it’s sink or swim time

Neutrino colorfulLast weekend the workout plan included all three disciplines, the run, ride and swim.

Saturday was a relaxed hour run in a forest preserve called Herrick Lake. The preserve is a mixed habitat preserve with limestone gravel trails circling through deep woods, open meadows and wetlands. Along the way the songs of birds accompany your skritching strides.

Sunday was a bike ride, and given that Sue had four hours to ride and I was up late finishing the social commitments of the 4th of July party at my house, it was not on my calendar to rise at 4:30 and get to Naperville for the ride.

But she did, and that meant it was up to me to figure out when and where to ride. During church a thought popped into my head. “It’s time for the summer ride through Morton Arboretum.” The Arb is 15+ miles from my house to the East. I would never ride that during heavy traffic periods in the suburbs but Sunday mornings are perfect.

Thoughts collide

Neutrino EventThe ride takes you through Fermi Lab, which was quiet and calm but for the hum of neutrinos zipping back and forth between South Dakota and Batavia.

Well, that’s honestly getting ahead of things a little bit. See, the proposed new experimental focus for Fermi will be the study of neutrinos, which are apparently microparticles capable of passing through any type of matter they choose to penetrate. Here’s how one scientific website describes neutrinos:

Neutrinos are similar to the more familiar electron, with one crucial difference: neutrinos do not carry electric charge. Because neutrinos are electrically neutral, they are not affected by the electromagnetic forces which act on electrons. Neutrinos are affected only by a “weak” sub-atomic force of much shorter range than electromagnetism, and are therefore able to pass through great distances in matter without being affected by it. If neutrinos have mass, they also interact gravitationally with other massive particles, but gravity is by far the weakest of the four known forces.

So, as I rode through Fermi Lab I was pretending to be a neutrino. That would actually be great, you see, because the wind resistance you normally experience on a bicycle would be greatly reduced if not absent altogether. You could ride at whatever rate you like because your body would slip right through other matter without much resistance. And that would be awesome. Perhaps I had ridden right into the Theory of Everything!

Superpowers

Because how cool would that be, to able to walk through walls? Perhaps Jesus himself was a big bundle of neutrinos capable of waltzing through time, space and matter? Or maybe Jesus was a Superhero, with superpowers?

But that raises the question as to why any comic book character never been called Neutrino? The ability to pass through matter would be the coolest superpower ever!  It appears that these supposed science fiction comic book folks are still way behind the real discoveries of science.

Of course this neutrino thing could all be a farce just like the moon landing.  Those guys and gals at Fermi could have concocted this neutrino stuff up in their own heads. You have to be pretty creative with your scientific imagination to wow the world and gain federal funding. “Look!” the scientists at Fermi said while filling out the grant for their newest experiments. “We just shot a neutrino to South Dakota! Now give us that money so we can shoot some more!” It’s a little known fact that scientists are really like kids with bb guns. They just shoot shit until someone tells them to stop.

All for science

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for the funding science. In fact it matters not to me whether there are really neutrinos or not. Besides, I trust those Fermi people. They already gave us quarks, which are just about as cool and resulted in a design software called QuarkXPress that was all the rage in the 1990s. That’s how cool quarks turned out to be.

So we have to give the Fermi folks a little rope to work with on the neutrino thing. They’ve got a decent track record of busting up particles and having things like computer software after them. Let’s not forget the Higgs-Boson Particle either. That highly informative website “How Stuff Works” described the Higgs-Boson this way.

Particle physics usually has a hard time competing with politics and celebrity gossip for headlines, but the Higgs bosonhas garnered some serious attention. That’s exactly what happened on July 4, 2012, though, when scientists at CERN announced that they’d found a particle that behaved the way they expect the Higgs boson to behave. Maybe the famed boson’s grand and controversial nickname, the “God Particle,” has kept media outlets buzzing. Then again, the intriguing possibility that the Higgs boson is responsible for all the mass in the universe rather captures the imagination, too. Or perhaps we’re simply excited to learn more about our world, and we know that if the Higgs boson does exist, we’ll unravel the mystery a little more.

So it really is all about behavior in the end. If you find a form of matter that behaves the way you’d expect it to behave, then you’re onto something that could describe how the

Tycoon Donald Trump at the house in Tong, on the Isle of Lewis, where his mother was brought up before she emigrated to the United States.

whole universe really works. That goes nowhere to explain the behavior of Donald Trump’s hair, which still mystifies scientists, political pundits and those brainy geeks at TMZ. But we’ll save that subject for another day, Because The Donald is clearly from another dimension altogether and deserves to be shot out of a cannon of some sort or another. Just to see how his hair behaves.

Other dimensions

That’s the kind of thing Fermi folks are trying to figure out with all this neutrino and Quark stuff. How and why stuff works. Which is why it was initially a shame that as a nation we did not let Fermi build the Superconducting Supercollider, which was supposed to be a 50-mile tunnel under the Illinois landscape.

That ended when the competition to build the facility got all political when Bush the First became President. Then the SS project moved to Texas, where billions of dollars were spent before the whole project was cancelled because ants were chewing through the power cables.

flying-ants-ftIt’s true. The United States gave up on the project because ants put a stop to it. So the newest collider in the world is located in Europe, where ants apparently do not exist? Here’s how one scientific website describes the supercollider they built over there.

The Large Hadron Collider (LHC) is the world’s largest and most powerful particle collider, the largest and most complex experimental facility ever built, and the largest single machine in the world.[1]

So for a while Fermi has been relegated to interpreting results from experiments at the Large Hadron Collider while swatting at neutrinos with tennis racquets until that federal funding comes through for the study of neutrinos. It’s going to take one huge tennis racquet to hit a neutrino all the way to South Dakota. Or perhaps scientists at Fermi Lab will just use their BB guns.

Subatomic male ego

Neutrino labAll these scientific thoughts of mine collided while passing the former collider “ring” at Fermi Lab. The “ring” was once used to smash subatomic particles together at high speed and analyze the output. That sounds a lot like what I used to do with my Hot Wheel cars as a kid, but the foundations of science do have to start somewhere, and it’s really not all that complex in the end.

Much to my surprise during my tour through Fermi I was caught from behind by a gal cyclist on a shiny new bike.  I wrote about this phenomenon of getting caught from behind the other day. For a moment my male ego was broken into a thousand quarks of self doubt. But then I thought about my girlfriend who regularly scorches my ass on the bike anyway, and it didn’t hurt so much to get caught by yet another fit female with a bright smile and a shiny bike.

I knew that somewhere to the south, my girlfriend was already three hours into her four-hour ride. And when she was finished, she had an hour more to run. So I stopped feeling sorry for myself at having gotten caught and put my focus on the plan to ride to Morton Arboretum and then circle back to meet Sue at Centennial beach in Naperville. All would be perfect in the workout universe if the timing worked out.

Salt and blood

The trip through Morton turned out to be as compelling and illuminating as the journey through Fermi. It struck me that while the Morton Arboretum is a privately funded arboretum begun by the Morton Salt family, the organization depends on public support to be a self-sustaining operation. Annual membership is about $80-$90 for an individual, which gives you the right to walk or ride or run the grounds so long as you don’t walk or ride or run where they don’t tell you too.

But my membership is temporarily expired, so I rode into the Arb on my bike on the sly and made a figure eight loop of the roads with all the other runners and riders circling through the preserve. Fortunately none of us collided with the other.

But I did stop to listen to a loud, clear call of a chestnut-sided warbler erupting from the trees. That was a mistake to slow the bike, because the biggest cloud of mosquitoes you can mosquito-illustration_2092x1660imagine descended on my person. That was when I discovered that was actually a flesh and blood human being, and not a neutrino. Yet I do have the type of nutrients  mosquitoes crave, which are blood and salt. And when I smacked one enterprising skeeter it produced a broad splat of bright red blood on my arm. That convinced me it was time to keep moving, lest I contract malaria or West Nile Virus and die on the spot.

Lost in the sun

So I pedaled the heck out of Morton to head southeast for the rendevous with Sue. And that worked out great, because we texted each other and agreed to meet at the gate. I was standing there innocently observing the sweat trickling down my arm when she emerged in a striped bikini that turned me back into a pile of neutrinos. She looked so cute in that suit my brain particles started to split off and unbundle in random fashion.

I suddenly felt lost in the sun. That meant all rational thought dissipated and you could have walked up to me and put your hand clean through my chest and never touch any other matter. That’s what happens to the male gender when it gets turned into a bundle of neutrinos through collision with the right bundle of matter.

We walked into the park together and settled down on our beach towels to soak up a little sun to the point. where I got overheated. That meant it was time for a swim. Sue threw me some goggles and I jumped into the lap lanes to try my luck navigating the cloudy expanse of the Centennial pool. Without lines to follow on the bottom, I had to really concentrate to swim in a straight line. On the way back, without the lane rope to guide me, I kept swimming into the concrete abutments. That was not good. My hand hit one of the abutments in time to prevent my head from doing the same. “Whoa,” I thought to myself. “I am definitely not a neutrino at this moment.”

Water world

Schéma du faisceau de neutrinos CNGS entre le CERN et Gran Sasso. Au terme de trois ans d'analyses complexes, l'expérience OPERA dédiée à l'observation - depuis le laboratoire INFN du Gran Sasso (Italie) - du faisceau de neutrinos CNGS en provenance du CERN, à 730 km de distance a permis de conclure que les neutrinos parvenaient à destination plus rapidement que prévu. D'après les calculs, les neutrinos ont en effet 60 nanosecondes d'avance sur les 2,4 millisecondes qui devraient leur être nécessaires pour parcourir la distance séparant le CERN du Gran Sasso à la vitesse de la lumière. / Diagram of the CNGS neutrino beam from CERN to Gran Sasso. The OPERA Experiment, dedicated to the observation of a neutrino beam sent by CERN to the INFN Gran Sasso Laboratory in Italy, has completed a three-year complex research study showing that neutrinos covered the 730 km distance separating the two sites sooner than expected. According to calculations, neutrinos are in fact 60 nanoseconds ahead of the 2.4 milliseconds it would take light to cover the same trajectory.

S

It made me realize once again that swimming through water can be much tougher than you think. The human body has mass, and try as you like to imagine that water is a simple substance that you can push out of the way at will, alas it is not so. In fact without that mass to push against, you could go nowhere in the water.

So I kept on with the freestyle stroke and got in about 400 meters of hapless paddling before returning to the safety of the Gatorade blanket and my girlfriend’s fine shape in the sun. For all the mysterious physical properties of the universe, and despite my best attempts to imagine myself as a free-flowing neutrino, I still have a ways to go in the pool. One can only imagine what the means in the realm of open water swimming. Maybe I can hire a Fermi physicist to shoot me across the pool with their neutrino gun. Then all I’ll have to figure out is how to turn around. Can neutrinos do a flip turn?

werunandridelogo

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How to survive the Tour de France (and its commercials) without guilt

Tour WatchingA part of me feels very guilty right now. I’ve been watching the Tour de France at high speed on DVR.

In the past, there was a certain commitment to following the Tour. You had to choose the morning or evening broadcast and protect yourself from hearing news of the actual results so that you could watch the Tour in innocent ignorance.

That meant you had to sit there for three hours while the cyclists made their way from Pour le Charles to Puie do Fuey, or whatever exotic route they were following on Stage Whatever. That put you thoroughly at the mercy of Phil Liggett and Paul Sherwin, the Gods of Tour Announcing. You trusted their guidance through twists and turns, crashes and controversies. The Tour was a soap opera then.

Fast forward

These days, most of us cheat the process.

Yes, there has always been technology to cheat while watching the Tour. Going way back, it was the classic VCR that did the trick. But rewinding tapes was always a bit like riding a bike backwards. Challenging, but not much fun. Fast forward was never fast enough for my tastes. The whirr and blurr of the tape. Skitchy twitchy. Old Tyme TV. Sucked.

By contrast using the DVR is a so simple it’s like television on EPO. You can zap back and forth almost at will. If a stage lags you can bunny hop across the slow bits checking for crashes or other snippets of excitement. You can stop and rewind so easily…

And truth be told, this totally sucks in terms of being a true cycling fan. Think about it. Here are these guys literally putting their careers and lives on the line. And there you are, zapping through their pain and effort as if it were just another episode of Seinfeld.

The pace of sports

I’m sure soccer fans can relate to our fast forward habits. The recent women’s World Cup was also recorded on DVR in my household. While I love soccer, it can be admitted that the DVR came in quite handy during that series of matches. You can flip along through all the passing and defense and watch until the score changes up top. Then you zap back, watch what led to the goal, and move on.

That is a nasty way to watch soccer. And yes I feel guilt beyond reason. But there’s also a profound difference between watching soccer and watching the Tour de France live on TV. Soccer has no commercials during the game. None. Sometimes ads pop up on the scoreboard or with a shrunken screen, but there are no real interruptions. I like that, and still watch games in their entirety when time allows. I also like it when there are no American football lines on the field. Playing futbol on a football field is like having sex in a fishing net. A tangled mess.

Tour de Advertising

The Tour, however, is nothing but commercials. They all repeat every time they pause for a commercial break. This means that watching the Tour each year is like sharing time with a an extended family you don’t really like. The only exception to this rule over the years was the Bacardi Mojitos commercial from a few years back. Best commercial ever. That was a summer to remember.

Um, Colonel Sanders. No. 

This year’s commercial stock is not so joyful or compelling. Let me go on record stating there is no reason on this earth to waste a moment of your summer watching those creepy Colonel Sanders commercials. Who thought bringing back a re-creation of a white cracker Southern Colonel was anything close to a good idea. Yes, the real Colonel Sanders was apparently a decent human being. But who honestly cares? Those commercials are the fare of nightmares. The dude playing Colonel Sanders is Darrell Hammond doing an SNL skit for commercial purposes.

It’s supposed to be a testimonial to the heritage of the KFC brand. It comes off like nothing of the sort. The Colonel Sanders dude gives off a pedophile vibe, or something like it. What secrets is that guy hiding besides the recipe for his chicken? Why doesn’t the Colonel just get it over with and wave the Confederate flag, or make a racist crack about black customers? That seems to be the hobby of choice below the Mason-Dixon line these days.

Whose line is it anyway? 

le-tour-de-franceI’m sorry, we were talking about the Tour de France, weren’t we? But that’s my point. The Tour telecasts are so rife with distractions it is easy to forget there is a bike race going on at all.  Fortunately we have those “Inside the Peloton” camera views this year to show how frightening it can be to ride at 35 miles per hour with a bunch of other snarkily competitive guys trying to run you off the road. And that’s not an exaggeration. Even Tour favorite Vincenzo Nibali was seen having to hump his bike over a curb in Stage Four to keep from being run off the road margin. You take what you can get with all that bike traffic. The Tour is a constant argument over whose line is it anyway? 

The near-crashes happen suddenly, and in infinite array. In the final sprint of Stage Four (I think it was) Andre Greipel had to ride like a cowboy to keep another sprinter from stealing his position in the draft line. It was shoulder to shoulder, and the view from the helicopter above showed how acute that competition for space can be. Greipel is built like The Incredible Hulk. He gave a shove and the other rider bounced off. Riding in the Tour de France is not a child’s game by any stretch of the imagination.

Funny that

However, there are funny moments. The very next day in the intermediate sprints, Greipel and a slew of other sprinters wound up noodling their bikes after the sprint. They were 300 meters ahead of the field, and with nothing else to do for the moment, Peter Sagan gestured to Greipel that they should form a group of sprinters and make a breakaway. Griepel could be seen laughing the way one brother might laugh with another about the insane directions of an abusive father. Nothing of the sort would ever happen.

But perhaps Sagan has a yearning to say “screw it” to the face of Tinkoff Saxo owner Oleg Tinkoff, who has been making faces and spouting remarks toward Peter Sagan in the press, demanding more results out of the highly paid bike rider. Sagan answered with some wins before the Tour, but not in the Spring Classics. Tinkoff admitted later that he was a bit too excited about his bike racing  team.

They seem to have come to a truce. But you know what? Even bike riders can hate their bosses.

Good and bad bosses

The ultimate “boss” of the Tour is the money it generates.  That’s the explanation of course for all that advertising. Without it, NBC doesn’t give the Tour the time of day. Of course you might be better off watching the Tour on some Internet feed with European announcers (Eurosport?) that pee their pants every time a rider gets thirteen feet ahead. That’s a sport in its own sense. But here in America we watch the Tour in the same mode that we watch pro football or hockey or any of an assortment of advertising-driven sports. We consume our sports like a bowl of potato chips. Handful by handful.

Some of us even say screw that, and use the remote like a Playstation gamer, nailing that button until it hits four forward arrows >>>> so we can zoom zoom zoom through the commercials and get back the real commercial, which is all those bike riders wearing sponsored kits. Think about that.

Tits and kits

We go from those Bacardi girls shaking their tits to views of hard cycling asses in tight kits. It’s all one big titillation of sorts. So French, in its way.

48446_1201568539834_fullAnd speaking of thick accents. Who can deny that the Geico Gecko  simply asks to be run over like the scaley reptilian rat that he is. God I hate that gecko. I love nature but hate that accent-spewing Gecko. Splat. Gecko Road Kill.

See, the Gecko is symptomatic of the idea that we HAVE to sit and listen to commercials in which a cloying gecko pretends to be cute so that we’ll consider Geico a nice company that cares about our insurance needs. The gecko is a beggar. Geico only cares about getting your money. That’s it. End of story.

Commercial reality

The same could be said of all those sponsors of the Tour. It’s an advertising medium and it always has been. The Tour was invented as a way to sell newspapers during the slow news summer months. But some of the early courses were so hard and dangerous the cyclists themselves branded the organizers a pack of murderers and scoundrels. Nothing has really changed. We view the carnage of those cycling crashes as if they were fast-moving snuff films. Because it sells.

Even the team sponsors know that. They want “results” because it puts their brand in front of millions, if not billions of viewers. And in this world, there is still no such thing as bad PR. How else do you explain the entire Republican Party platform and its efforts to gouge the economy by lowering minimum wages, turn Social Security over to the banksters, poison the environment with every kind of industrial waste known to humankind and discriminate against every type of human being on earth? Yet the GOP still has its 30% base in America, in part because Fox News is a great PR machine. They long ago realized that the news is nothing for than an advertisement for an ideology.

The Tour de France as an advertisement

Le TourWho can deny the Tour de France is an ad for French tourism? It’s a convincing and enjoyable show, with all those aerial views of French chateaus and farmers driving tractors in the shapes of bicycles. It’s wonderful summer fare. No criticism there.

And you really can’t argue with the commercial value of four riders dangling off the front for hours. Those are commercials too, of a sort. Yes, the breakaways sometimes succeed, but rarely. That’s why everyone loved Jens Voigt. His motto “Shut Up Legs” was an Everyman’s ticket to the insanity of solo breakaways. Jens made it work because he was not afraid to work.

Winning a stage 

Of course winning a Tour stage makes the career of a cyclist complete, in some sense. It’s a pretty damned hard thing to do. And why does it matter so much?

Because when you’re sitting around the dinner table at the age of 89 years old, and conversation slows, you can lean forward over your chopped liver and spout the words that everyone hates to hear you say. “I won a Stage at the Tour de France!”

“Yes, Grandpa. We know that. Now eat your chopped liver.”

To which you can lean even farther forward, piss your diapers and let go with a loud and outrageous fart, and yell, “Natural Break!” Because that’s what Phil Liggett calls taking a piss in the Tour de France.

It’s a fine line indeed

See, the veneer by which we judge the Tour is just that. It’s a thin slice of reality we view, made even thinner by the fact that we hardly have the patience or concentration to wade through the presentation and get to the meat of the matter.

Which is this: Cycling is still (and always will be) one of the toughest sports in the world. Head out to compete at your local criterium if you think it isn’t hard. You’ll get your ass kicked by thirty-five people most likely.

And that’s at the lowest of the low rungs in the cycling world. Category 5 is for people with chain grease on their calves and dirty bar tape. But it’s real, and it’s hard to ride fast, and that’s what matters. You know where you stand in cycling, win or lose.

But on the day you finally finish in the middle of the bunch sprint, people will wonder out loud why the hell you are so excited. But ignore them, and save that memory of your accomplishment for the day when you are 92 years old and sitting at the dinner table with a dozen guests. Then you can lean forward, let go with a tremendous fart and yell, “I finished in the middle of the bunch sprint!”

People will have no idea what the fuck you are talking about. But you won’t care, because finishing in the middle of the bunch sprint is an accomplishment. Maybe only you will ever own that pride. But there’s nothing wrong with that. Just fart and smile with knowing pleasure if they insist you’re just old and crazy.

Because finishing in the bunch sprint gives you a sliver-sized glimpse of what it’s like to race in the Tour, where riders frequently tear along narrow roads at 30-35 mph, and that’s just to keep up. The crashes? Those are signs of how hard it is to do just that.

So respect that effort. And truly, when you zap through the commercials and tune back into the racing, try to appreciate the fact that these are some of the best athletes in the whole world. It’s the Tour de France, for God’s Sake. People have died in this thing.

It’s not a war, but it could be. Better to channel our conflict through vicarious battles than to point our religion and politics toward another country and blame them for blasting too many fascist commercials our way. That’s how wars start, and Crusades too. The Tour de France may be silly and frivolous in some respects, but it serves a valid, vital purpose in human existence. It shows that we’re all human and trying to occupy the same roads on the same planet. It may seem silly, but that’s the most important lesson of all.

werunandridelogo

Posted in bike crash, Christopher Cudworth, climbing, competition, cycling, doing pulls in cycling, it never gets easier you just go faster, We Run and Ride Every Day | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Making good on a promise to keep a cleaner bike

Felt Bike ShinyMy Felt 4C road bike was valued at $2300 new when it was named Bike of the Year by Bicycling Magazine back in 2006. I purchased the Felt from a local bike shop that let me try a few different models including the Specialized Allez and a Trek or two perhaps.

They recommended the Felt over the other models. Of course they likely had a stock of them to move off the floor, and the rep had likely given them permission to drop the price a few hundred, so I purchased the Felt for $1700. Then we added new Specialized shoes for $250 and some other gear as well. A helmet, yeah. Tire bars. Tubes. A new kit. No one said cycling is a cheap sport. But I was on the way to become a road cyclist.

Instantly I realized the stock seat on the Felt bike was not for me. So we traded that out for a Specialized split seat that did not make my nuts go numb. That was no superficial switch.

The first day I truly rode the Felt was a revelation. Speeds that were impossible on my Trek 400 steel frame (circa 1984) bike seemed completely manageable on the Felt.

Toward the end of that first ride I was feeling the joy of soaring downhill when a piece of metal flipped under the tire and PFFFFFFFTTTT! I had my first flat on the Felt. Changing that tire took 10 minutes or more but I was back on the road and happy for it.

Last Climb Horribly HillyProbably the best thing that ever happened to me as a cyclist was getting that flat at that moment. Had the bike gone unscathed for weeks it likely would have become like a crystal goblet in my mind. You know that story, right? The zen master who carries around a crystal goblet yet treats it rather roughly is asked by a student whether he was concerned with it breaking or not?

The zen master says: “In my mind it is already broken. Now I can enjoy it in its fullness and not be worried about its loss.” Or something like that. You get the picture.

The nick in the metal of the front wheel that came about from striking that piece of road metal never went away on its own. I tried sanding it down a couple times, but the metal was too tough. How strange that a piece of metal on the road could nick that surface yet a piece of rough sandpaper could not smooth it out?

That’s one of the tarsnakes of life. The damage we ride around with is often caused by seemingly small accidents that through persistence become a part of our existence.

At first we try to fix them, to no avail. Then we learn to live with them. Like floaters in our eyes, we learn to look around them. Then they become part of how we view the world, and even the things our lovers most recognize in us. The small scar on our lip or an indention below the knee from some childhood accident or mid-life surgery becomes a point of reference in our existence. We kiss these intimations and cherish the closeness they represent.

In some ways it is the same with our bicycles. My Felt has  dings and scrapes on its carbon fiber paint job. I purchased some Testors red paint to cover the spots where paint flecked off from those unintentional encounters with a garage door or similar moments. I’m a little careless at times with my bike. That’s not something about which I am proud. I’ll lean the bike against the door and like a dog that does not want to sit or wait it will slide on its own, rubbing its top tube against the house. It picks up a line of paint that does not come off by rubbing it with a finger. I take those off with an application of Goof Off. 

I try to be so much more careful with my girlfriend’s Scott bike while putting it in and out of the car. But still I caused a hairline scratch on the top tube. I feel guilty about that. But like all relationships and the objects we carry about in life, there are moments when we fail in attention to detail. For that we must ask forgiveness, and try not to do it again.

Felt Bike CleanupThat is perhaps why I spent an hour cleaning my Felt bike yesterday. While riding with a friend last weekend I asked how it happened that his rear cassette was always so clean? Do you take it off the wheel, I asked?

Yes, he told me. For he is Mechanical. He fixes my bike. He’s always tweaking his bike even during the ride.

Me, I get on and ride. Often my bike is dirty. The chain and cassettes are black with grease. I spray more lube on them to make the ride go okay, but in truth I should be embarrassed. A dirty bike is not a point of pride.

That is why I purchased a can of chain degreaser at the local bike shop. It is called White Lightning and it works like it says. I sprayed it on the entire drive train and the black gooky grease fell away like magic. There is no disclosure needed here. I bought the stuff myself and this is an endorsement I make of free will and of no benefit. White Lightning chain degreaser works. My cassette shone in the afternoon sun. I wiped down the chain with a paper towel to remove the residue and replaced the lube with a shot of Finish Line Dry Teflon Bike Lube.

But I did not stop there. The degreaser also washed away flecks of grease clinging to the frame in places. The bike began to look a lot better. So I pulled out a tub of Turtle Wax car wax and gave the bike a nice shine.

I’ve never done that before, but the Felt deserves a little good treatment. It has carried me tens of thousands of miles now. It will likely carry me tens of thousands more. Sure it needs new shifter cables to match the new brake cables my mechanic installed, but life is always a work in progress. The Felt succumbed to bike wobble on a Wisconsin hill and yet we both came out with only minor repairs.

And when I toe the line for a criterium in the next couple weeks I will not be instantly shamed by the condition of my bike compared to those shiny new jobs with shiny new riders. My cassette will be clean, as will the chain. My frame will shine along with the finely shaved skin of my legs. There is something to be said for feeling the part as well as training to ride. There is something to be said indeed.

werunandridelogo

Posted in bike crash, bike wobble, Christopher Cudworth, cycling, We Run and Ride Every Day | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment