Bloodroot and other ephemeral things

BloodrootOne of the difficult decisions those of us who love both nature and exercise must make each spring day is whether to use the early morning hours to wander in the woods and fields or to run and ride and get ahead in spring fitness so that the bloom of summer does not hurt so much.

The blood coursing through our veins seems to pull us toward both pursuits. On one hand there is the brilliant spring sunshine falling on wildflower petals that we know will last just a few days. One of those delicate yet tough spring species is a flower known as bloodroot. It springs forth from wet soil in April with petals so white and pure you eyes feel arrested by the sight.

Pedaling through a section of the Virgil Gilman Trail between Aurora and Sugar Grove I spotted a patch of bloodroot blooming under the still bare trees. At first I zoomed past. Then wanting to take a closer look and not really under any pressure to go fast or get home anytime soon, I pedaled slowly back to find the plant again.

IMG_6922People walking and running on the trail looked suspiciously at me pedaling slowly with my face turned toward the ground. No one trusts a creep on the trail, especially women alone. But I smiled and told them “I’m looking for a wildflower I just saw.”

And there it was. So I bent over to take an iPhoto image of the bloodroot plant with its veined and palm-like leaves. Within a couple days the white petals would be gone, I knew. Usually they fall during a persistent spring rain. If you come upon bloodroot a day after that rain the petals lay bent and decaying on the dark spring soil.

During their bloom those bright petals and the yellow face in the middle attract insects that pollinate the flower and benefit from nectar in the process. It is a miraculous, subtle journey that lasts mere hours against an eternity of evolutionary forces that created it.

If by chance one encounters a bloodroot that has been trampled or broken by foot, and that is a shame, the name of the plant does become evident. The plant bleeds red from the stem. Hence its name.

IMG_6923One supposes a devout Christian could make much of the seasonal triumph and fall of such a plant. It’s Christlike purity and blood-red sacrifice is definitely a potent symbol for renewal. One wonders why nature creates such ephemeral things as bloodroot, which lurk below cold soil all winter waiting for a spate of 50-degree days. That’s all it takes, to push forth into green leaf and pure white blossom. It’s all so humble. Yet so profound.

And that’s nature. It doesn’t shirk and it doesn’t coddle. Beauty and death and renewal go hand and hand. And hand.

Later, as I pedaled home and came to a country intersection, I waited at the stop sign for a car approaching from the right before clipping back in to ride. The vehicle was forty yards down the road, a big silver Mercury Grand Marquis. The car’s turn signal was not on. Yet the vehicle began to make a deep left cutting across the right side of the intersection where I stood with my bike. The driver’s side bumper was headed straight for my front before I jerked the bike back in surprise.

The driver had not noticed me despite the fact that I stood there in full daylight minding my own business. He was elderly, grant you, and he was driving that big car on a Sunday morning from who-knows-where to who-knows-where with who-knows-what on his mind, or not.

IMG_6927I swore loudly at him because of the shock of almost being struck. He came to a stop thirty yards down the road and apparently looked in the rear view mirror. Then he drove away. Obviously he had not been paying full attention to his driving. But had I thought to clip in and begin riding as he made the turn things might have turned out completely awful and quite different.

The incident did not go unobserved. A woman whose house sits across the road shouted out over to me. “Did he hit you?”

“No, thank God,” I said, and apologized for the dual profanities I’d just uttered that included a terse “WTF” and an ironic “Holy S***.”  Then I checked for traffic again, clipped in and rode toward home quite thankful the outcome had not been much worse.

You can never be too thankful for bad things that don’t happen. I know all too well, having last summer caused myself a spate of lasting pain and suffering by inattentively crashing into a downed tree. It’s also the same trail where two summers ago my companion Sue went down in a bike crash and tore her rotator cuff. That incident was caused by wet vegetation on the trail and she won’t ride there anymore. Not to blame either. It is all too clear that as cyclists and runners we’re just as ephemeral as a spring wildflower in bloom.

IMG_6919As for me, I’ll be walking the woods today to visit my wildflower friends despite forecasts of rain and cool spring weather. There will be Dutchman’s Breeches, trillium and trout lily in bloom. There will be hepatica and twinleaf and wildly-planted daffodils in places where people saw fit to place them.

There will be raindrops on green leaves as patient as if the entire world depended on their existence. And it does. Because that’s how nature and that thing we call God really works.

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Is it time to open negotiations on Iranathon, Triranathon and the Tour of Iranathon?

IranConservatives hate the deal that President Barack Obama put together with Iran to prevent that nation from growing its nuclear arms capability.

There seems to be some difficulty with terminology going on in these negotiations. I see guys with nuclear arms at the gym every week. I ignore them and they ignore me because it’s a simple rule of international relations that guy who doesn’t look you is going to be hard to relate to.

That is seemingly the problem between Iran and the United States as well. If this photo of the national leader on the cover of the Chicago Tribune is any indication, America is going Amish Manabout these negotiations all wrong. When it comes to talking with Iran, our nation needs to replace its leading diplomats with a bunch of Amish dudes who look like they can get along fine in Iran. Keep John Kerry home and send Angus the Amish dude from Lancaster, Pennsylvania.

I know about these things. I lived in Lancaster, Pennsylvania and went to elementary school with Amish kids. They wore funny shirts and smelled a little like manure some days, but other than that, they were weird. That’s how kids look at things.

Hot dogs and Naugahyde

To the Iranians, we probably smell like hot dogs and Naugahyde, and that’s a bad combination. So it’s time we found some truly common ground. I am here to suggest that we use the sports of running, cycling and triathlon to open new lines of communication with the fair nation of Iran.

iran (1)The name of the country alone lends itself to some really cool-sounding events. Let’s start with a whole series of races titled Iranathon! The Iranathon 5K, 10K, 13.1 and 26.2 series would be a perfect place to start. Add in the Triranathon and the Tour of Iranathon and we’ve got a real foundation for athletic inspiration.

If you don’t think it will work, then you haven’t look at a map of Iran lately. With seas on both its northern and southern borders, and a huge swath of mountains curling under around its borders, Iran could be a the next Colorado if it took this proposal at all seriously.

Yes, we’d probably have to clear a few roadblocks and rip out a few landmines here and there to make it safe to run and ride. But you know, the Saudis and Qatar and all those other funkmeister countries get along with the US as long as we give them things like hopped-up Chevies and golf course architects. This isn’t rocket science people.

Let’s not forget Israel

Oh sure there’s that little problem with Iran stating that the nation of Israel should not exist. That is a sticky-wicket, to borrow a British term to communicate the unique form of colonial dismissiveness we call American Exceptionalism. Our pseudo Jewish roots are always showing, you see. It’s always like we showed up to a running race wearing street shoes and black socks. For all its supposed training in World Wars I and II, America is still pretty much a rookie at this World Power thing. Hell, our recent rookie mistake in getting mixed up in Afghanistan is proof enough that we don’t know what the hell we’re doing. Blame that one on the childish ebullience of George W. Bush, who ran around acting like he was the Billy Mills of international diplomacy but didn’t have a finishing kick worth shit.

carey-pinkowski

Dressing up diplomacy

Let’s bring in someone capable like Chicago Marathon Race Director Carey Pinkowski. Let him set up a really cool race series in Iran and send a few thousands dopey American athletes over there to dress up in tight clothes and wear compression socks so that the Iranians can see we’re all a bunch of harmless weekend warriors rather than a pack of merciless despots trying to shove Big Macs down their throats.

And if all else fails, at least the Amish can teach them how to cheat in religion by making excuses to use generators in place of actual electrical hookups. Because in the end, it’s not really about what you believe, but what you can jury-rig to fit your faith that counts.

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Posted in Christopher Cudworth, cycling, duathlon, half marathon, marathon, running, triathlon, We Run and Ride Every Day | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Ready for liftoff

Rocket LIfting offWell this is an interesting day. My scrambled eggs were ordered from a local restaurant because my eggs expired sometime back in 2013. Well, it’s not that bad. But what’s the difference after a certain point? Eggs and other expired food can kill you or at least make you very sick if you flirt with spoiled food.

That applies as well to the fake crab meat pulled from the downstairs refrigerator. It’s been in there a couple years. Seriously. Maybe more. Along with a lot of other food that needs to visit the dumpster. So it’s all going the way of the Veolia truck.

There is still plenty of food left around the house that is not spoiled. But I cannot eat that food because today I’m only allowed clear liquids in preparation for a massive purge this afternoon. That’s right, I’m drinking the prep junk for a colonoscopy. And getting ready for liftoff.

I don’t know how bad it will be, but I’ll be wearing my bike helmet just in case there is enough propulsion power to fly me off the toilet seat and strike the ceiling with my head. One can never be too safe you know.

The cycling gloves might be good to wear as well. Never know how you might strike the ground when coming down from an ass-propelled flight.

colonoscopyYou think this is funny? You’ll get your chance someday,  Mr. Or Mrs. wise-guy-person. Someday the gastroenterologist will give you the stink eye and say, “It’s time you had your colon checked.”

Then he or she will give you a list of things to buy that sound pretty scary.

1 Miralax Bottle (the word “lax” is always a warning of something shitty to come)

1 Bottle of Magnesium Citrate. (Okay, isn’t magnesium what they use to fuel rocket ships?)

64 oz. Bottle (or two 32 oz.) of Gatorade or Propel. (I chose the Gatorade. More propulsion seemed like a bad idea in this procedure).

So now I spend the day working until sometime late afternoon. Then I drink half the dosage and wait. Probably not long.

It will be interesting to see how much weight I lose. But my scale is not working right now, so it will have to be based on perception.

Perhaps a good use of this whole ordeal would be to go out and attach my ass to the drain in my yard that does not seem to be working well. Thanks to constant rain the last five hours there are small lakes out back. Part of the problem is the design of the pipe system I concocted to move water away from the house. When there is water already filling the French drain I built to take runoff down into the ground, there’s not much call for water pressure to do its work. There’s already an equilibrium.

Which makes one realize that this whole flushing the colon thing kind of works both ways. Some people actually hire other people to give their lower intestinal track a major washing out. Colon cleansing they call it. That’s like getting your ear wax removed with one of those head hoses. Only shittier.

It's called an endoscope. I know, pretty funny huh? I bet the doctors laugh all day about that one.

It’s called an endoscope. I know, pretty funny huh? I bet the doctors laugh all day about that one.

I can see the value in that. Some people will do anything to lose weight of course. Flushing all the crap out of your body is one way to do that. I suppose.

So whether you flush it out from above (like I’m going to do) or from below (which basically turns you into a sea anemone) the results are the same.

Between the deluge of rain today and the deluge of something else to come, I don’t know that I’ll do a workout today or tomorrow. Perhaps it would be wisest to go swim at XSport instead of trying to run or ride. Perhaps I can fool the body into thinking the colonoscopy is just an extension of the workout with all that water and chlorine. They do use chlorine up there, don’t they?

Chemicals are everywhere and you must be careful how you use them. Avoiding ibuprofen the last 7 days has also been part of the prep. The nurse who talked to me about my pre-procedure routine laughed when I told her that taking Tylenol does not do a thing for for me when it comes to aches and pains or headaches. “You’re not alone,” she laughed. “It doesn’t work for anyone.”

That raises a whole other question about that murder thing back in the early 80s when right here in the Chicago area some jerk named James William Lewis poisoned bottles of Tylenol using potassium cyanide. That caused a revolution in the entire packaging industry. Now to open the simplest of medicines you either need a degree in engineering or a career as a safecracker.

ColonoscopyAnd speaking of safecrackers, my gastroenterologist (get the joke? ENTER ologist?) told me that I’ll be knocked out for the procedure and won’t feel a thing. That means, if the medical team felt like doing so, they could shove that tube all the way up my guts and out my mouth, waggle it around like a tongue and say “Look, he’s a chameleon!”

That is probably one of the main reasons why I am not a doctor. Physicians are not allowed to do such things or they lose their licenses.

Interestingly however, they are allowed to prescribe Ass Explosion Medicine like Miralax and, with a straight face, tell you that it’s not too bad if you mix it with Gatorade. That’s like feeding firecrackers to frogs, if you ask me. And I outgrew that in 8th grade.

But you’ll find, if you press them hard enough, that many physicians have very silly, immature senses of humor. That’s why you sometimes hear about orthopedic surgeons taking off the wrong arm or putting it on backwards just to see if it will work. Those silly doctors get bored dealing with dopey patients all day and all night. What’s the harm in a few prankish procedures now and then? People are adaptable. They’ll get along. If Lorena Bobbitt can saw off her husband’s penis and still the guy goes on to make a porn movie, we’re all just medical experiments in the end. No pun intended.

Wall drainSo it’s now twenty-after-eleven in the morning and I’m realizing that I won’t be eating anything solid for the next 24 hours. That’s okay. I’ve eaten enough in my lifetime to hold me over a day or two along with clear liquids to keep things greased and oiled. When I told my brother that I’d never had a colonoscopy he barked at me. “Get checked. What, you never ate a Slim Jim in your life?”

Actually I have eaten a few in my time, along with Twinkies and other stuff that never decomposes thanks to all the preservatives, and probably sticks to the sides of your intestines like wallpaper hung in the 1950s. You could set off a hydrogen bomb in some small towns and the last thing standing in most of the houses would be the wallpaper. That old stuff is tougher than kevlar. And sometimes just as ugly.

But now I hear my sump pump running constantly. It reminds me of the internal deluge to come. rrrrmppp rrrrmppp rrrrmmmp. Amazing how may ways life imitates art imitating life, and so on. Sump pump? Endoscope? Miralax. It’s all part of the circle of life, don’t you think?

I do recognize the importance of doing these things to diagnose your health. None of us wants cancer to sneak up on us from below. That part of this whole gig is not funny at all. So whatever it takes to know the real deal, I’m all for it. Kidding aside, get checked.

At any rate, I’ll probably post one more time tomorrow morning to keep my mind occupied while my ass is busy making other plans. I always try to keep up with my blogging. You can’t be lax about these things after all.

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The ontogeny and evolution of a cyclist must be repeated every year

biol_01_img0111It’s been 10 years since I started cycling seriously. The first couple years almost don’t count. They were ridden on a steel frame Trek 400 bike that had not a prayer of going anywhere fast. That bike was like an IUD preventing my impregnation as a true cyclist. Covering 20 miles at an 18mph average was a big accomplishment then because I never felt one with the bike.

Yet human nature is persistent. Even that experience gave me the foundation for wanting to ride more, and better.

I recall the specific moment where my origins as a more serious cyclist began. Invited to join a group ride with friends, we covered the first five miles at a pace that was hard for me, but I hung on like an embryo to the umbilical cord of the peloton. Then the group lifted the pace on a long incline of country road  and the cord holding me to the group first began to stretch, and then snapped free. I floated off the back like a zygote with nowhere to go. Or grow.

The InfoVisual.info site uses images to explain objects.Perhaps we all start out cycling this way. We all have an ontogeny. That is the word that describes the origination and development of an organism, We all begin as masses of unformed flesh perched on a bike seat. Only through time and the divisive experiences of hanging on through pace, cadence and tempo do we come to be fully formed cyclists. It doesn’t matter whether we wind up with penises or vaginas in the long run. In the beginning we’re all just folds of flesh that look alike.

There used to be a theory that says ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny. That is, early development in life resembles the evolutionary history of a species. Recapitulation theory has been largely discredited, perhaps due to the fact that mere capitulation was enough to satisfy the minds of scientists. Recapitulation was just a branch too far.

Perhaps your brain is spinning in its little socket by now. That’s what happens when you go deep into your origins as a cyclist. The topic of how and who we all become in the endeavor to become better cyclists is a poorly studied science.

Yet it’s all so very simple. If you ask any rider how to become a better cyclist they will give you one answer. “Ride more.”

Pro Cycling Manager 2014 2That’s because there is no substitute for time in the saddle. And it’s like that every year. We all get to begin again. It’s like we’re all just biking embryos at the start. And just like embryos, in the beginning we all look a bit alike stuffed into our bike kits.

Some among us never move out of the embryo stage. They keep their bland monotone bike kits and ride their own pace like a sperm in no hurry to get up the fallopian tube. They don’t care if their ontogeny advances one bit. They grow gray beards and wear those little rear view mirror selfie sticks on their helmets just to make sure there’s no other sperm sneaking up behind. They’re happy in their biking embryo stage and could not care less if you want to race past them on the way to discovering your own, quite personal cycling phylogeny. To them you’re a different species altogether. What does it matter?

But the fact remains that every year no matter how much we ride on trainers during the winter, that whole cycling ontogeny has to take place every spring. You go from a huddling embryo battered by the spring winds to the next stage where your cycling cells seem to divide and provide muscles for climbing, crosswinds and pace lines. It’s all part of the annual evolution of cycling. Ontogeny recapitulates pain and suffering.

If we’re lucky we eventually evolve wings. Well, that’s wishful thinking. But we can at least hope for some better quad strength to carry us through a competitive group ride, century or criterium.

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????And then there’s the triathlete cyclist. That’s a whole different track of evolution there. Bent over the tri-bike like a tadpole with eggs sprouting out the ass, the ontogeny of a triathlete is an entirely different branch of science. In evolutionary terms, we call that divergence. Of course the operative principles of cycling are the same. Yet there’s something permanently different in ontogeny of a tri-bike and its rider.

That might be a topic for a different day. In the meantime, we’ll see all you fellow embryos out there on the road.

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We all have mountains to climb

MountainTo some it may sound sad to hear, but 1984 was the peak of my running career. Yes, that’s 30 years ago, so it might sound a bit wistful to proclaim that something so far in the past was a high point in life.

There are hard facts that define that observation. A runner peaks in their 20s. It takes years of training to get to that point in life, and then there are a few peak years to act on your training and run your best. Some continue well into their 30s, and quality performances are still possible. Carlos Lopes won the 1984 Olympic marathon at the age of 37.

So I am not saying that what I did by effectively closing out my competitive running career in 9186 at the age of 28 was the right thing to do. It was just the right thing for me to do.

The reasons were many. I recognized in myself a propensity to be a bit too obsessed with my running. From the age of 13 through the age of 27, that’s fourteen years of life, running had been at the center of all my objectives. In high school it became a year-round activity. That continued through college with 100-mile training weeks and perpetual competition from cross country through indoor and outdoor track. Then came summer base training. All that was a commitment that had its place and time.

There were sacrifices however. As a result of my commitment I missed opportunities in high school to raft down the Rio Grande during spring break. And in college when art classes made trips to Malta or beyond, I was locked into the track and cross country cycle pretty solid.

That meant when a family came along in my late 20s it felt like the right time to shift priorities to other things. Yes I continued running. Sometimes I raced, but usually the results were off peak. Even in 1986 and 1987 I managed times in the low 33s for 10k.

Yet something had indeed change. Perhaps you’ve experienced moments in life as well where the activities that once dominated your entire persona somehow feel different. It can happen all of a sudden, or it can take time to set in. Perhaps you achieve a goal and move on. Or perhaps it’s much more subtle than that. You simply share more time with different kinds of people.

It’s like we’re climbing the mountain of life in any regard. Sometimes the trail is steep and difficult, challenging and thrilling. Other times you’re simply trying to avoid the rocks.

I remember what my brother once told me before a 20 year high school reunion. “You’ll like this one best of all. By now everyone’s had their ass kicked at least once.”

It’s the same way with running, riding and swimming. On the way to success or achieving a goal there are always days that don’t go so well.

The photo accompanying this blog is from the top of a saddle in the Maroon Bells outside Aspen, Colorado. We’d taken a summer road trip through Kansas and up to Colorado. With just $500 to spend, we kept it simple, camping along the way.

Our hike to 12,800 feet in the mountains took a couple hours. Yet I was so fit it felt good to trot up the trail and have my photo taken on top of the world. There would be many peaks and valleys to come. We all have mountains to climb. Sometimes more than one. That’s why events like the Tour de France are so compelling. Character is defined and revealed in the mountains. We can’t always predict how our bodies and minds will respond when put under the pressure to climb, or to crack.

I know I’m still climbing, and always will. Perhaps you feel the same way.

Yet we love the thin air and the feeling that everything around is so real. So evident. So stark, and so rare at the same time.

That’s why we go to the mountains. That’s the way we live our lives.

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A childish fascination with endurance training and bodily functions

In order to get your Monday off to a rollickingly childish start, you are invited to click and view this scene from an Austin Powers movie in which our hero engages in a prolonged urination session. Yes, it’s childish. And yes, I’m childish for posting it. Austin Powers pee session

That guy Mike Meyers made millions by being childish. His extended punch lines about penises and elaborate coverups substituting melons for breasts are the stuff of lowbrow legend.

But perhaps it’s all funny because that sort of humor mimics some of the funner aspects of real life. We all know circumstance can be oddly inappropriate and hilariously funny.

This all got working in my mind this morning because I got up from a good night’s sleep and went to pee. My dog jumped up eagerly because he thought I was going to let him out to go pee himself. Only I stood there for a while taking care of business. It took so long that my dog actually barked at me.

I started laughing and things started to shake and it was all I could do to keep the target in sights. That made the dog bark again and I lost it. Fortunately the main event was over.

But that got me thinking about stopping to pee during workouts. If you’re a guy you can pull over into the weeds or woods, whip it out and let fly. Of course sometimes it doesn’t happen as quickly as you’d like. The brain is willing but the bladder is shy, or stubborn. Too cold or seized up in some kind of protest about having to hold it so long.

And that’s what you’re thinking about the group or training partner disappearing around the next bend while you try to actually pee. “So long!” Then you have to sprint to catch up. That’s when the hilarious drama of having to pee is not so funny.

My gal friends have numerous stories about squatting together during emergencies. That whole frog squat thing is lost on those of us of the male gender. Whipping your shorts or kit or other outfits down to your knees and airing it out is only necessary for guys when Number 2 comes roaring on.

Of course we’ve all been there a few times. At that moment you curse Ladybird Johnson for her anti-litter campaigns. You’d give just about anything for a few shreds of a McDonald’s bag.

But of course there is no real shortage of litter out there. Despite all our best efforts there are still tons of garbage floating around our landscape. Which makes you realize that by comparison taking a crap that will decompose in a few days is no great sin in this world.

It would be a problem if everyone did it. That’s a fact. The volumes of human excrement flowing through our nation’s sewage systems is mind-boggling. One could argue that the most important invention of the human race is not the airplane or the atom bomb. It is the sewage treatment plan.

We’re all sooo glad when out training to find a Porta Pottie or restroom when it is most, vitally needed. A few weeks ago while training I felt the urge and pulled into an office for the Red Cross in St. Charles, Illinois. Putting on my most humble, needful face, I asked if they had a public restroom. “No, I’m sorry. We don’t,” the woman stated flatly.

And I thought: “Red Cross is supposed to help out in emergencies.”

So I was forced to use the woods just up the road. And I was all set to drop Trousers and take care of business when I noticed that the building behind the railroad tracks was tall enough to afford a full window view of my position.

Not wanted to end up on YouTube, I huddled down the opposite bank trying to appear inconspicuous despite my bright green running jacket.

If runners and cyclists were honest with themselves, they would be wearing camouflage, not fluorescent clothing. When forced to lurk in woods to urinate or defecate it seems the better strategy would be one of those camo suits used by hunters to disappear into the woods. You know the kind. All woodsy-patterned and bearing frills that looks like loose vegetation. That way we could all be cryptically hidden when nature calls.

You may call the idea of wearing camo gear for running and riading impractical.  Yet last winter for the Sno Fun Run there were several entrants wearing camo outfits to run the 5 mile race. Of course this was in Wisconsin, where contradictory behavior and earthy stupidity is considered a high art form.
House on the RockThat explains the horrific architecture of the House on the Rock, which also happens to be one of the shittiest pieces of architecture ever created. The House On the Rock designer once asked Frank Lloyd Wright, whose Taliesin home stands right up the road, if he could work with him in some way. Wright responded, “I would not hire you to design a chicken coop.”

That’s pretty funny. And it makes me realize that I am no genius on par with a Frank Lloyd Wright. Perhaps it’s my childishness that holds me back. Who knows is Frank Lloyd Wright enjoyed a good fart joke, or hung his ass over one of his cantilevered walls to flop a dump down on the rocks below. Those of us that enjoy the absolutely childishness of such things, and the antics of our friends? Perhaps we’re more like the guy that designed the House on the Rock and filled it with collections of the most amazingly useless crap you have ever laid eyes upon.

Somewhere up in heaven or down in hell the guy that designed The House on the Rock is having a good laugh at all our expense. Along with Mike Meyers in Austin Powers, he recognized the people find joy in the most childish things. There’s a lesson in that for all of us. We just don’t know what the hell it is.

So we all keep running and riding and laughing at the pitiable circumstance and circumscription of our bodily functions. And what’s the harm in that? We’re all just kids inside these grownup bodies.

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Posted in Christopher Cudworth, cycling, marathon, running, Tarsnakes, triathlon, We Run and Ride Every Day | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

5 Hippity Hoppity Hints to Get Faster This Spring

WeRunandRideBunnySpeedHere my friends are some valuable tips on becoming a faster runner. All provided to you by the Easter Bunny, a truly credible source of information.

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The devolution of the Clif Bar (and other things we eat)

Clif BarObviously I use the term “devolution” loosely in today’s blog title. Technically the word has political roots. As in: “the transfer or delegation of power to a lower level, especially by central government to local or regional administration.”

Well, the Clif Bar is pretty important to those of us who cycle and run. It ostensibly gives us power when we need it. That’s why we tuck them in cycling jersey pockets and nibble them before and after rides. Those yummy flavors. What is your favorite?

Their portability is also a calculated aspect of their benefit. You can generally pull them out of your cycling kit pocket, bite open the wrapper and gnaw away a portion to chew while still moving at 23 mph. What better solution to hungry and nutrients is there on the planet.

There’s just one problem as far as I can see. And it may be my imagination but it seems that the Clif Bars you buy at any store have shrunk a bit over the years. It’s a trend with almost everything you buy. You pay a bit more for a bit less product.

Has anyone tried to purchase a can of nuts lately? Of course we have. We stand there in the nut aisle (pun intended) wondering if it is worth spending $6.99 for a simple jar of peanuts, cashews, or whatever. Almonds? Forget it. They’re more expensive than gold.

It’s that way with anything that actually constitutes REAL FOOD. That stuff is expensive. You’ll notice it’s the processed stuff that you can buy 2 for $5.00. They figure that garbage will hold us until we get so hungry for real nutrients we are forced back into the store, slavering and achingly hollow, to buy that $15,99 jar of mixed nuts.

So it’s either buy the processed stuff or empty your bank account for an ever-shrinking litany of less product for your money. Have you noticed that even peanut butter jars are the size of Campbell Soup cans these days. Yet they cost the same. It’s a painfully grand illusion that what you spend at the grocery story (generally $100 minimum even for one person) is actually keeping you alive.

Clif BarWith all these products shrinking away before our eyes, it would take a massive consumer revolution to force companies to give us more for our money. Yet if we knew what it takes to bring a product to market; the harvesting or killing, the processing, preservatives, packaging, shipping, marketing and product placement, we’d wonder why there is any food on the store shelves at all.

And that’s because we want it all so damned convenient. Even organic products (if they are truly organic, which is questionable) have to feed into this massive food delivery machine we call an economy. It’s all necessary for purposes of commerce, safety and sexiness in our food.

Yes, we like our food sexy just like we like our movie stars and newscaster. American culture is a consumer society. We eat and we stare and we absorb our visual and auditory and edible diet with verve. Then we share it all on social media so more people can stare and eat some more.

That’s why we’re helpless at 9:00 p.m. when a craving takes over after a hard day at work and a hard workout to boot. We stumble into the kitchen and grab a bag of Kettle Chips and gnaw them down like a pika in a mountain rock crevice. In human terms that’s a couch, in case you had not gathered.

And we’re typically always a little fatter for the fault of our weakness. Or so it feels. So we rise up and grab our bikes or go for a run again in hopes of staving off the fat from carbs that comes from ingesting those Kettle chips. Then we carry with us a tiny little Clif Bar  in case we run out of fuel.

Pizza in OvenAnd that’s the absurd little dance we do with these products and the way we process and consume our food.

The dietitian in our triathlon club does not quite succumb to all this. Last week she dined on a Tupperware tin full of something she called “overnight oats.” It had cocoa powder woven into the mix and it looked delicious. I think there was fruit in there too. She’s always eating real food like that. Carrots for breakfast I bet.

But I haven’t seen her husband lately. Perhaps he starved to death during a 10-mile run. If you find someone like that by the side of the road, be kind and offer them your Clif Bar. It’s not much, and it may not save their life. But it’s the right thing to do.

Just don’t be surprised if in their dying throes, that runner or cyclist turns to you and moans, “I only eat Coconut Chocolate Chip. Do you have one of those?”

Because we all have our favorites. And we’ll stick with them till our dying day.

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We must cultivate our garden

Curve of BermThis spring in making preparations for expansion of our butterfly garden, I dug into the soil of our back yard and created a berm that follows the course of the raised bed flower garden. As I stood last night studying the work, it struck me that there was a natural flow to that curve. I’d seen it somewhere before. Many times in fact.

It had the same angle of curvature as a running track. In fact there was a now a lane of matted grass that led to the path coursing into our neighbor’s back yard.

“Perfect,” I muttered.

As I’ve written before, gardening is a wonderful compliment to the mobile world of running and cycling. If you’re looking for a little extra sweat and some work with the arms and lower back, gardening can even be a workout. In truth it often is.

Nothing worth doing is easy

Because it’s a plain fact of life. Nothing worth doing is easy. Yes, there are “easy” days in training, but you’re still doing some work. The “hard” days are designed to make the easy days feel even easier. Recently my companion Sue finished a 13-mile training run and felt smooth and strong the entire way. That is a direct product of her work on the indoor track this winter. We covered many curves and straights on that track. The track is like a garden in some respects. We plant seeds of effort and come race day harvest the fruits of those efforts.

Track TurnNot everyone likes working out on a track. The absolutes are too fierce. The times are too crisp. The track can be unforgiving. Or so it seems. My backdoor neighbor kid runs both cross country and track. He confided to me that he loves cross country. But track? Not so much.

Track is so…analog in some ways. There is no doubt much beauty in the math of it. But as someone who nearly flunked algebra and got a B in geometry, I’m one that goes for the visual shapes rather than the abstract formulas of existence.

The mathematical absolutes of track and field were pretty much hard work and very little seeming reward in return. In track the race either goes well and you get a good time or your finish up dissatisfied with some aspect of your performance. Your coach can hold up a watch and say, with certainty, “You were three seconds slower than last week.”

Running through the Garden

Not so much in cross country, where variables in courses and times don’t mean so much. Cross country is in some ways like running through a garden. There is a primeval, Garden of Eden quality we tend to imagine in the sport. There are trees and hills and knotty roots to jump over. It’s an organic experience. Even with courses erected on flat paths and through dry urban parks, we still return to nature when we run cross country.

Some of us thrive on that. Competing in forest preserves and parks gives us a feeling of liberty. It’s not the kind of liberty you need to pass a law to protect. Real liberty comes from hard effort and an appreciation from everything in your surroundings.

Garden liberation

Crocus in Spring LightWhich is why gardening is a liberating endeavor. The light plays through the early spring branches to catch the bright petals of a crocus in bloom and we’re reminded: It’s not all about you. Yes, you can run and ride and breathe the air, but without the rest of the universe against which to measure your existence, you mean nothing at all.

Oh I know that certain religious types will tell you that I have the formula backwards. They’ll tell you that human beings are the ultimate expression and abstraction of God. But according to the Bible itself, they’re wrong. They get the message of the Garden of Eden wrong and by proxy they get the rest of the Bible wrong as well.

By focusing on the literal, finite moments of creation as an absolute, they ignore and miss the rest of creation in action. They cannot conceive the connection between human beings and the rest of creation. For that reason, they must insist they own the world and can do anything they please if it suits their fancies. Otherwise, they have no relationship to the place at all. And they claim that God planned it that way. They claim that God is incapable of evolution. They claim that there is such as thing as irreducible complexity. They claim that nature cannot work things out on its own.

Being honest with ourselves

But let’s be honest with ourselves. Most of the people who claim to have read the Bible think they have it figured out but haven’t a clue about what it really says in there. For God’s sake, even the disciples had trouble understanding the basic parables of Jesus, who challenged and criticized them for missing the primary methods of his ministry. “Are you so dull?” he asked his disciples when they complained that Jesus was using too many metaphors.

Eve and SatanThat’s how stupid some people can be. So instead,  some parrot what they’re told to believe, and do it aggressively. Others treat scripture as if it were some type of homogenous garden in which only certain kinds of plants can grow. But here’s the basic fact: if you claim to believe in God as Creator, then you have to accept that God created it all.

Every last expression of creation, from virus to pathogen, from eagle to ant, is part of nature. Some of it seems to benefit us, while other afflictions of body and soul such as cancer or disease seem the bane of our existence.

But here are some other hard truths. Life itself is a pre-existing condition. One could arguably make the case that life is a paradox in creation. We know from science that 99% of all living things that once existed on earth are now extinct. Gone forever. Tossed into the “bad plant bin” of history. Pulled up like weeds and discarded. Bye bye to most of the dinosaurs (although birds still persist) and most other forms of living things. To God, they were all disposable tools in the process of evolution. Are human beings next in line? That remains, to some degree, to be determined by our own actions.

Salvation

We can learn a few things from the concept of ourselves as living in a garden.

For one thing, plants that seem like a weed to one person may be a salvation to another. There are scientists combing the deep recesses of jungles to find plants and animals that might provide cures for illness and disease. And yet there are people so ignorant of these possibilities they see fit to log and burn those jungles for a year or two of wood harvest or farming on soil poorly designed for such endeavors.

Meanwhile as a race we’re pumping our atmosphere full of excess carbon dioxide at a scale that exceeds the earth’s abilities to process it as waste. Yet there are people who deny this possibility on religious grounds that only God can effect ill on creation. The same people tend to view the problem in economic terms as well, saying that it is too expensive to tend the very garden of our existence.

Killing monarchs

Monarch scalesHere’s what’s happening out there in the world right now. Farmers pay billions of dollars and spread gazillions of gallons of herbicides and pesticides in efforts to wipe out milkweed and insects in their fields. The byproduct of all that chemical fury is a decline in species like the monarch butterfly. Now in response to this butterfly genocide, people are rallying by planting milkweed in their home gardens to provide a place for monarch butterflies to safely breed.

That’s the tradition our family is carrying on in our household. For years we’ve raised and released monarchs by growing milkweed, harvesting eggs on leaves and protecting the caterpillars until they go through the chrysalis stage and emerge as butterflies.

The toothpaste paradigm

But think about that process or ranching monarchs and its significance. The reason it’s so necessary is that human activity in one sector of the environment is causing unanticipated damage in another. The human race can become so focused on one objective it completely fails to comprehend its impact on the environment or the human dynamic that depends on it. We’re squeezing all the natural toothpaste out of the tube. But when the toothpaste is gone, what will we have left? It’s happening in our oceans. Our old growth forests. These stores of natural diversity and environmental balance are being harvested for short term benefits. We can squeeze and frack and flood the environment with pathogens for just so long. At some point we have to find a way to share the world that does not require squeezing it all out like toothpaste from a tube. Roll it up. Hide the evidence. Toss it in the trash and hope no one sees it or finds out about your selfishness.

Sharing the world

The paradigm extends into the world of running and riding. We regularly encounter drivers who hate the fact that we share the road with their vehicles. The mere existence of a cyclist on the road drives some people to distraction.

It used to be the same way with runners. I lived that reality in the 1970s. Drivers have through time become accustomed to seeing runners along the road. But it wasn’t always that way. I was struck by beer cans and buzzed by joyriders and commuters alike back in the early days of the running boom.

It takes time

Illustration from the book Candide.

Illustration from the book Candide.

So it takes time for human society to adapt. That’s the problem with the short time frame and confined environment presented in a literal interpretation of the book of Genesis in the Bible. The arrival of sin in this world is presented as if it were somehow dumped here like a big bag of tacks on a garden trail. There’s no room in that clipped narrative to appreciate the fact that human beings are capable of making good decisions too.

Sometimes it takes a while for the truth to sneak up on people. Other times it hits them in the face abruptly. Yet in both circumstances, people do learn from experience. Otherwise faith itself has no meaning.

In the famously scandalous book Candide by Voltaire, the hero goes through massive hardships and develops an almost cynical view of life. But in the end, the realization of one fact is profound. “We must cultivate our garden,” the book concludes.

That means taking our experiences seriously enough to realize that our existential awareness is critical to our well-being. While a book like Candide seems to slander religion in its lusty portrayal of life, in fact it affirms much of what we find in scripture. The Bible depicts many gritty truths, in which women cravenly (and mistakenly) lust for men with genitals the size of donkeys and kings covetously steal the wives of men in their service. Women drive tent pegs through the brains of their kings and men like David ask to build a temple in God’s honor only to be told that despite their obedience in carrying out God’s own directives for genocide, they now have too much blood on their hands.

A tricky relationship with God

These are the gritty facts of life: that the Garden of Eden was in fact a deception of God from the beginning. Satan exposed that falsehood of the tree of knowledge by revealing its true meaning, and that made God pretty damned angry in the process.

Some preachers like to pretend they're God.

Some preachers like to pretend they’re an angry God.

The language that follows in the Bible is all anger and recrimination. God takes out his fury on the human race. Women are cursed with pain in childbirth. Men are forced to earn their keep through laboring on the earth. The God we see in these passages is not one of love and mercy. We instead find a harshly competitive God. One who goes on to tease and test poor souls like Job with actual bets against Satan that Job can remain virtuous in tests of will and faith. Finally God allows his own son to be murdered to atone for the sins of mankind.

Or so goes the narrative. In fact the lesson of the Passion story holds forth a political lesson that should not be missed lest we miss the message of the entire Bible.The death of Christ at the hands of manipulative priests reveals that the brand of legalism and literalism first used by Satan to trick Eve is still alive in the world. It’s not the Jews who are at fault in all that. It is everyone and anyone that uses the devices of “Satan” to trick and lure people into situations of control, intolerance and abuse at the hands of those in power. That’s your true Easter story right there.

What God hates most in this world is manipulation of believers in his name. That’s what Satan did. That’s what the Pharisees and other ‘priests of power’ were doing.  That’s what’s still happening to this day. God doesn’t hate sinners so much as he hates those who try to control the world and its processes for their own advantage. Can we now talk about why the law passed in Indiana is egregious? 

More truth spake in jest

The Bible and Candide––seemingly philosophical opposites in nature–have far more in common with each other than one might think. Both books immerse readers in a world where chaos seems to reign.

It is therefore no coincidence that people such as those who run and ride (and engage in feats of personal suffering for the sake of enlightenment) should learn a little about what it really means to live. Surely we congratulate ourselves with labels and symbols designate our levels of sacrifice. Marathon. Ironman. Ultramarathon. Cyclist. Century. Ride Across America. All these are singular attempts to seek both dimension and understanding of our lives. While we love our endeavors in running, riding and swimming, we should always keep in mind that there is more to life than even these.

Don’t get me wrong. There is no shame or sin in exploring pain and glory. Candide shows us that just as the Bible does. But both the Bible and Candide agree on one thing in the end: We must cultivate our garden. 

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April is the cruel and fickle month

SnowdropsPrint

Snowdrops. An original painting by Christopher Cudworth

There’s a reason why the month of April aptly starts off with a day called April Fool’s Day. People playing tricks on each other is just an imitation of what April does to us all.

Those of us who run and ride know better than anyone how cruel and fickle the month of April can be. Even on a given run or ride it is possible to experience all four seasons in the space of an hour. I know. I’ve been there. Done that. Started out in a 72 degree day with southerly breezes. Felt winds shift to the north and east and pick up speed. Feel the first shreds of rain pummeling the nylon and finally seeing snow come tumbling down by the end of the run or ride.

That’s how April works. It cares not what you think the weather should be. It only cares to express itself, as if both a hot cheerleader and a Goth bitch were lurking inside her soul. You’ll never know what you’re gonna get until you get there.

There are daffodils poking through the mulch even as there are gray clouds beating back the sandhill cranes flapping for all they’re worth to make progress north. And if you dare challenge April with something so bold as a 70-mile bike ride, there’s no telling how cold or hot you might be before you finish.

Window Snowblock 3In college I had a running joke (no pun intended) with a teammate. In fall we’d have a nice day outside and I’d blurt, “Yeah, we’re not gonna have weather like this until April 10th.”

Don’t know why I selected that particular date. It just seemed right. My teammate would shake his head and mutter, “Cudworth, you’re a trip.”

But I was right most of the time. April 10 is just far enough away from the month of March that a 70 or 80 degree day is quite possible.

Of course some Aprils were so cold it never got above 60 degrees. Those were years we’d grow frustrated. A bunch of us decided to protest this karmic injustice by stripping naked and running through the college cafeteria yelling, “The weather sucks! We want spring!”

Only one guy hesitated when we streaked the union. Separated from the group, he was captured and strapped to a support column in the middle of the cafeteria.

And that was no April Fool’s joke. It took him a while to wriggle free. All the while his already chilled unit was shrinking from both cold air and embarrassment.

We didn’t know what to tell him. Obviously he was infuriated at the genesis of the incident. “Why didn’t you guys wait?” he demanded to know.

“Why didn’t you come with us?” we shouted in return.

snowwomanhotmessWell, the month of April can be like that. Full of ugly choices and cold consequences.

One of our long runs turned into an April slog when the skies erupted. Our cotton sweats soaked up the rain. We gained seven extra pounds during a 13-mile run. The crotch of the sweats was down at our knees. Talk about training resistance.

And I recall a steeplechase race in early April when a skim of ice had to be chopped off the face of the water jump. The first time through that water was colllllld.

Yet the very next week we were competing in a meet down at Grinnell College when the temps reached the mid-80s. 18 guys started the 5000 meter run at 3:30 in the afternoon. One by one our runners pulled off and gathered at the first curve to cheer on the remaining fools who stayed in the race. I was one of them, and can avidly recall flipping them all the bird as they laughed and cheered my sweaty, skinny frame all the way through to the last lap. I barely broke 16:00.

In recent years my cycling has always ramped up in April. One cool (45 degrees) dark morning a pack of 15 guys took off riding straight into a northwest wind. I tucked in behind some triathlete with a strong frame and sat in the draft for 30 miles. When we turned around I was excited to think I’d made it through the tough part of the ride. The pack had different ideas. The pace accelerated to 30 mph and it was either pedal like a madman or get dropped. I made it six miles before popping.

That left me alone for the last 25 miles of a 70-mile ride. It felt to good finish with an average pace of just over 20 miles. That was a ride well-earned.

Chuck with LambsApril truly is a watershed of fitness and hope. It can build you up or dash you down. Every new endeavor is an experiment with what you’ve managed to sustain over the winter and the dispassionate reality of the cold and sometimes lonely road up ahead.

Thank God there are flowers in the garden when you get home. Whether you’ve won or lost the battle that day, there is always hope for better days.

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