By Christopher Cudworth
You love to run, ride or swim. But would you get a job as a runner or cyclist or swimmer if you applied today?
What follows are job descriptions for what it takes to do each of those respective sports, or all three. See if you have what it takes to qualify for the jobs…
Skills: Ability to sense and maintain pace, keep tempo and perform under conditions of duress, stress and cardiovascular exhaustion. No heavy lifting required unless participating in a Tough Mudder competition.
Requirements: Consistent training must be demonstrated with results measured in interval workouts, long distance runs and races. Commit to compete in marathon, half-marathon, 10K and 5K distance events. Some team participation may be required, including relays. Must exhibit overall positive attitude and avoid sickness or overtraining whenever possible. Maintain membership in USATF until Alberto Salazar gets you kicked out for bumping into one of his runners.
Compensation: Performance-based unless otherwise indicated.
Qualifications: Must be able to stay upright, pedal fast and use brakes.
Skills: Ability to endure 3-5 hour training rides and races is important. Must have strong lower back and exaggeratedly large thighs or extremely thin frame. Willingness to endure embarrassing tan lines a plus. Should have mastered skills of eating and drinking while moving at a high rate of speed
Requirements: Prefer candidate with ability to pedal at speeds over 20 mph solo for at least two hours. Also adept at riding in draft up to 26-30 mph and 33 mph and above in a sprint. Must ride hills with consistency and exhibit proven shifting ability. Ideal candidates will ride at least one Century per year. Prefer riders with GC range of talents, including climbing, sprinting, long and short sprints, Team Time Trial and Individual Time Trial. Tour de France experience desired, but lesser Tours may be considered. Experience with Performance Enhancing Drugs preferred but not required. At least not publicly.
Compensation: Performance-based unless serving as Domestique.
Skills: Consistent, productive swim stroke in freestyle. Ability to use other strokes in emergency situations like Open Water Swims required. Or else you’ll die.
Requirements: Ability to swim long hours in the pool staring at the bottom as you put in hourlong training sessions and absorb so much chlorine your are chemically preserved. Hot showers before swimming suggested, but not required.
Compensation: One new set of Speedos or Tri-trunks per year. The rest is up to you.
How about you? Would you apply for any of these jobs, or even work for free as a runner, rider or cyclist?
So many of us do it all for free. And yet we don’t seem to complain about it. We must really like the work.
Some of us even do all three jobs, and for free!!!
It almost turns making an actual living look like the easy part in life.
What a world we live in.