A couple weeks back I went to Dick’s Sporting Goods and purchased a set of clear goggles for swimming. All this fall I’d been swimming in the dark tinted lenses that had been so great for outdoor swimming where the sun shone brightly. But when it comes to indoor swimming, dark goggles are not ideal.
I had not run into a wall or anything like that. But part of the joy of swimming is a sense of movement in the water. Dark goggles in an indoor pool cut that sensation down. Even the bubbles don’t appear to move. It’s just you in this blue void, pushing along with your arms and legs. You feel slow.
So the new goggles work great because they’re clear and don’t hide anything from view. There’s a bit of psychology going on, for sure. Compared to the dark goggles, the new ones seem to bear Glad Tidings.
The one challenge with any set of goggles is keeping them clear once you’re in the water. The anti-fog stuff works okay in keeping condensation from building up. But actually, good old spit works just as well. It’s a lot cheaper and it isn’t hard to find. You just spit, rub and wipe it down. Then you’re back in business.
Getting the right fit on goggles can take time. The new pair are a bit tight. When I bought them, I made the mistake of tugging too hard on the strap and part of it snapped in my hand. They still work but I have not focused in to get the fit less constrictive. As a result, sometimes the bones of my face actually hurt. I’ll stop and move them up my face now and then to relieve the pressure. But that’s not ideal either.
Swimming is an interesting mix of such sensations. The right swimsuit can make you feel fast, and yet some serious swimmers add all kinds of drag or resistance to their practices in order to build strength. Drag Swim Trunks are a thing, you know.
So are hand paddles and all sorts of other contraptions invented by swim coaches to force swimmers to develop better form and strength. There are little parachutes that drag behind swimmers as well.
It makes one wonder if someday there will be handicapped swim races just like there are for horse racing. Strap a few pounds to the back of a swimmer and things start to even out a bit.
So if you really want to create a special gift for that swimmer in your life, buy them some sort of torture device that makes swimming even harder.
And in that light, I plan to invent a new device for swimmers called Blinder Goggles. They will be made of opaque black plastic. You won’t be able to see a damn thing out of them, but they’ll look so cool everyone else will want them. Sure, there might be a little more blood in the pool come practice day, but think how good you’ll get at counting strokes. You’ll be like the Pinball Wizard of the Swimming World. That deaf, dumb and blind kid, sure swims a mean IM…
So Merry Goggles to you! And Glad Tidings! Don’t blame me if you hit the wall in your new Blinder Goggles. I only invented them. Can’t be held responsible for that in this New Age of Irresponsible Governance.
Want to read more by Christopher Cudworth? Click here to read today’s humorous yet pointed commentary about America’s First White Elephant President. Follow Chris on Twitter (@gofast) or Instagram. (genesisfix) His other blogs include: GenesisFix and The RightKindofPride.com.