By Christopher Cudworth
There are a lot of great performance and comfort products out there in the world these days. One of my favorite brands is Smartwool.* All their products feel good on the skin and the socks don’t stink no matter how many times you wear them. It’s true.
But I got worried when thinking about Smartwool. Because we know that sheep are not known by reputation for their brains. Even Jesus called us all sheep for our lack of ability to comprehend the mysteries of spiritual salvation on our own. He told us to get in line with the rest of the sheep and Follow Him. Lest we get lost. So if human sheep are stupid, real sheep must be really stupid.
But apparently Smartwool has found a way to make sheep smart enough to produce wool that is smarter than other types of wool. This takes some doing.
One can only imagine the interviews Smartwool had to conduct to identify the smartest sheep. The Rorschach tests alone must have been fascinating. Imagine a sheep sitting at a bare little desk in a room lit by big windows. The Smartwool psychotherapist leans over and pushes across the table a page with an ink blot design on it. The sheep looks at the page with those weird eye slits and says, “Baaaaaah. Nothing.”
So that’s not the sort of sharp sheep they’re looking for. Instead they’re looking for a sheep that really gets it. A sheep that wears its smarts on its sleeves. A sheep with a degree of genius. A sheep that has its shit together.
There is evidence of sharp sheep out there you know.
For example, there are sheep that can grow wool in bright colors. They’ve been trained to grow fluorescent yellow wool and other colors that can be turned into all sorts of hi-tech performance gear. That’s why it’s called Smartwool. See, it’s even smarter than you. So don’t put it in the drier with the other crappy stuff you own.
Sheep aren’t the only smart things out there you know. Goats are pretty smart too. Here’s a video of a goat making an appearance on a program hosted by Brian Fellows. The goat seems to have outsmarted Brian.
Well, that’s about all the time we have for today’s nature lesson about Smart Sheep and Smartwool. We hope you’ve learned a lot and know how to pull your socks on now. Wait, we didn’t tell you that? Well, you’ll have to figure that out on your own. But your socks can actually help with that if you buy them from Smartwool. They’re smart. And they’re wool. From Smart Sheep. Or something like that.
* No promotional considerations were part of this blog.