As I have mentioned in previous blogs, in some ways I have evolved with the times when it comes to running and riding. In other ways, perhaps not so much.
For example, a few weeks ago when the weather changed for the better, I was faced with the challenge of how to carry my iPhone to Strava during a run. I’ve been carrying it in the pockets of my ASICS sweatpants all winter, and that works. But now that I no longer need sweats to run, how’s that going to work?
I own an armband iPhone carrier and Hate the Thing. It is hot and slides around or else it flips up and down your arm like a torture device. You can’t stop the phone app unless you spin the arm band around like a blood pressure band and then you wind up clutching your arm like you’ve just been bitten by a giant mosquito.
My companion Sue says, “I need to buy you a running belt.” And perhaps she’s correct. But I’m not convinced those are any much better than my 1989 Era Fanny Pack.
Of course those are highly out of fashion according to every acceptable measure of Cultural Evolution. You do not see Dads wearing fanny packs any more because that is somehow a Mark of Shame among Men of a Certain Age.
Wives of husbands who dare to wear fanny packs have been known to walk Thirty Paces Behind to avoid the inference that their husbands are stuck in the late 1980s and still listen to albums such as Peter Gabriel’s “So.” Which is not a bad thing by itself, but in combination with wearing a fanny pack it suggests your are both Old and Out of Touch.
So the day I wore my very handy Fanny Pack to Run Club I noticed that several women in the group recoiled as if they’d been struck by something like the Curse of Medusa.
But when I went running with the Fanny Pack it was damned handy to be able to simply reach down and pull the iPhone out of the inside pocket where it was protected from both sweat and rain in the event that either should occur.
Perhaps the Greater Sin is that my Fanny Pack is also tinted a fluorescent green, further demonstrating that it was purchased in the early 1990s. However what goes around comes around. In case you have not noticed, everything except the vaginal IUD now comes in fluorescent colors. They’re back in, so to speak. Look at my new shoes, for example!
So I am sticking by the fact that my Fanny Pack is both Retro and in full fashion with the times. It doesn’t have clips for carrying race numbers and it doesn’t have water bottle pockets like the new running belts do.
But goddamnit it works to carry my iPhone.
And I’m still, in my supposed dotage and hopelessly outdated shape as a runner…relatively faster than 90% of the people I encounter on the roads or track. So unless someone can catch me and rip my fanny pack off my Retro Rump, they are going to have to deal with the fact that it is hopelessly useful for my purposes. And that is all.