By Christopher Cudworth
Preacher Pat Robertson, host of the epochal television show The 700 Club, recently ran the world’s first sub-2:00 marathon in a privately held race on the confines of a park near the 700 Club studios. The 76-year old preacher with a heart of gold for anything to do with God averaged less than 4:35 per mile for the 26.2 mile distance.
Robertson’s effort came on the heels of the recent world record marathon by Kenyan Dennis Kimetto at this year’s Berlin Marathon. His time was 2:02:57, which works out to 4:41.5 per mile. Robertson’s amazing sub-two hour marathon was completed at a pace of less than 4:35 per mile.
“I was thinking about that line from 2 Timothy 7,” Robertson relates, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. If you have faith in this life, you can do anything with God. I haven’t felt this good since running for President 26 years ago. You know, back when I went on record as opposing the end of apartheid. and radically predicting the end of the world in 1982. That didn’t come true. But nothing much else Robertson has ever said and done has ever stood up to much scrutiny.
Despite these horrific gaps in credibility, Robertson credits his most recent accomplishment and world record marathon to the age-defying protein shake that reportedly also helped him leg press 2000 pounds. This despite the fact that the recognized world record for leg presses by men much younger than preacher Robertson is 650 pounds less than the weight he claims to have lifted.
One athletic trainer had this to say about Pat Robertson’s claims to amazing claims of athletic strength and fitness. “It’s amazing how much bullshit one man really can push if there are enough people stupid enough to believe it.”
Of course Robertson’s worldview has also led him to otherworldly claims including the idea that major weather events have been caused America’s tolerance for sin, and that a boy’s stomach problems might have been caused by witches.
It’s hard to imagine that a man whose time is taken up by keeping up with such an active imagination has time to do the training that would enable him to lift 2000 pounds with his legs and run history’s first sub 2:00 marathon.
But according to Pat Robertson, anything’s possible with God, especially miracle healings cast out like a Bingo game at large group gatherings. So please send your money to CBN so that pathological liar Pat Robertson can afford his amazing personal trainer and plenty of protein shakes. It takes a lot of effort to pump out his brand of shit.