The weird tale coming out of Great Britain is that a former Russian spy Sergei Skripal, 66, and his 33-year-old daughter, Yulia remain hospitalized Tuesday and in critical condition after being subjected to some kind of nerve gas. That was obviously an attempted murder over some perceived transgression. Possibly it was the work of Russia. But that country denies any involvement. Surprising, huh?

Back here in the states, people are getting poisoned every day. But it’s not by the Russian government, at least as far as we know. It’s from fast-food joints and restaurants.

Take a visit to the website Iwaspoisoned.com if you want incentive not to play Russian Roulette with fast food or anything like it this week.

Here’s a few samples of what you’ll find.

Location: Chicken Rico, Merritt Boulevard, Dundalk, MD, USA

Report Type: Food Poisoning

Symptoms: Diarrhea Fever Nausea Vomiting

Details: The staff from A local high school visited Chicken rico in March 13th around 3pm. We ordered a variety of foods from the menu with the coming thread in each meal being chicken. All 6 customers were ill the next morning from diarrhea, nausea and fever. 2 employees missed work the next day due to illness.

And this:

Brush with death

The reason these are fascinating to me is that I have had food poisoning on a few occasions. None was worse than the incident in which I dined at a Pizza Hut following a national track meet at Calvin College in Michigan. I ran a steeplechase race that afternoon, and it was hot outside. But after the race, I felt no real effects from running in the heat.

But in the middle of the night, I awoke with vicious stomach pains and began to violently throw up. That lasted for hours. My teammate counted the number of times I went to barf: 27.

By morning I was lightheaded and weak. I’d lost 7 pounds off a 140 lb frame at 6’1″. My coach came in and was not too concerned. But I told him, “Take me to the hospital or I’m going to die.”

The hospital staff treated me with fluids for severe dehydration. The experience was frightening, and I literally could have died.

For years I thought it had been heat stroke that made me sick. Then one day it dawned on me: I’d eaten an entire medium pizza that night at Pizza Hut.

Papaya don’t preach

People get sick like that every day from spoiled food. It doesn’t have to be fast food either.

Sour milk see

It is likely that our bodies ingest some level of bad food every day. There’s an hilarious new commercial for McDonalds where two guys succumb just from sniffing the bad milk from their fridge. I find it enormously funny. Some people hate the commercial, but they probably haven’t lived with single guys who never clean out their refrigerator. I can be accused of the same in my not-so-recent past.

I will confess to the occasional Egg McMuffin or Wendy’s Single in my diet. Neither is particularly good for you. But at least I haven’t been poisoned so far.

Perhaps Iwaspoisoned.com is the Internet’s answer to a worldwide Russian plot to poison all of us.

Freaky sick

So we’ll close with this one, a real dandy from Jimmy Johns, whose owner wants to make be barf because he loves jetting around the world trophy hunting for sport. If only his own food would attack him for once, the world would exact some revenge on the real assholes of this universe.