Well, hello there
My, it’s been a long, long time
How am I doing?
Oh, I guess that I’m doing fine

It’s been so long now
But it seems now, that it was only yesterday
Gee, ain’t it funny, how time slips away

=Willie Nelson

The last post here was in October, and I apologize for that. While I know you don’t hang on my every word, for the last ten-plus years I’ve kept a pretty steady flow of blogs going here on WeRunAndRide. Part of the reason for my absence is practical: I’ve been writing articles to submit to national magazines, working on the completion of my next book Nature Is Our Country Club, and substitute teaching each day, which is something I also love doing.

But earlier this week a significant event took place that took and shook me back in time. I traded in the bronze Subaru Outback that my late wife pushed to purchase while she was in the last stages of survivorship from ovarian cancer. After her diagnosis with a brain tumor in December of 2012, she had surgery and radiation through the top of her head and was dosed up with heavy steroids to deal with the swelling. In that “state of mind” she was spending money we didn’t really have and living life at high speed despite her progressing cancer. It had spread to other organs and the private prognosis by medical oncologists was that she was likely not going to have that long to live.

In that situation, it was my job to keep her stable, but one morning she woke me up at 4:00 a.m. waving a printout in front of me. “I found the car I want,” she stated emphatically, showing me a complete description (with photo) of a bronze Subaru Outback. Our 2000 Chevy Impala was feeling its age, so we drove to the dealer that morning and bought the car. My credit rating was high and they approved us for a loan on the spot even though I wasn’t technically employed.

After driving home that day, we got to ride in that vehicle three times in March of 2013. The first time in the car, we went to lunch at a restaurant as she was still functioning well on steroids. But after those doses were complete, her condition worsened rapidly and our last two rides together in the Subaru were to get to medical appointments. Each time the reality was a bit more dire than last. I could barely get her into the vehicle that day after the medical oncologist reviewed her condition. We skipped the other two checkups schedule for that afternoon. She passed away on March 2013.

So I permitted myself a tear or two this week before turning the car over to the dealer. They gave me $3000 on trade-in, which given the advancing problems with the Subaru, I accepted with humility. The rear bearings had been roaring for a while, and when I had them checked at the dealership, they also pointed out a compromised exhaust system, with holes at the joints, that I’d begun to hear as well. The repair bills would have been close to $2K for the bearings and another $2K for the exhaust. Plus, the dealership told me that the transmission was making a noise indicating potential failure of the CVT system.

Total recall

I did some homework and quickly learned that there had been a recall on 2013 Subaru Outbacks for that precise problem. I’d never noticed a recall in the mail or by any other means, but I might have thrown it out thinking it was an extended warranty offer or attempt to get me to trade in the car. The supposed recall was apparently extended in 2017, but no one ever told me about it. I don’t think the dealers want to deal with that, and certainly Subaru prefers to avoid paying for expensive repairs on their vehicles if they can help it. The estimate on transmission repair was $11,000.

That all bugged me because other than a ripped leather seat on the driver’s side, the Subaru was clearly in good shape. A few dents and dings, but almost zero rust. Relatively new wheels. The leather seats were still decent looking. And for the last six years or so, the dealership granted me free oil changes after I shared the story about my late wife purchasing that Subaru. That was pretty nice of them. Classy, in fact. So, I’ll say it clear and simply. I loved that car, just like Subaru says. The 4WD kept me from slipping on the roads even when things in life were slip-slidin’ away.

After my wife passed away I’m not sure I was the best father in every way to both of my kids. We all try to cope with grief the best way we can. As a longtime distance runner, my instincts were to keep moving. Don’t stop. Never quit. And perhaps, don’t grieve too much. My son and I are working things out at this stage in life and our family still has work to do. I know that. Losing their mom was a tough, tough thing to accept and live with. So many people lose their parents too soon in one way or another. It may be death. Estrangement. Mere distance.

And I know a father
Who had a son
He longed to tell him all the reasons
For the things he’d done
He came a long way
Just to explain
He kissed his boy as he lay sleeping
Then he turned around and headed home again

I checked all the problems out with my local repair shop with whom I’ve done business since 1988. They confirmed all of the above problems, plus… my check engine light popped on one morning. The mechanic there said it might be a vapor leak. Or just a loose gas cap. I tightened it. Problem solved.

Obviously there are a ton of memories woven into that Subaru vehicle. It has taken me on many trips. Plenty of cycling and running races along the way. And triathlons. I owned that car nearly one-sixth of my life. So again, while I wasn’t a bundle of bawling tears at its departure, I felt a touch of sentiment letting go of the Subaru. It’s weird how time slips away. It really does seem like yesterday that I drove that car with my wife to the restaurant that first time. I recall walking out after lunch and thinking, “I can’t believe that’s ours.” Yet while everything was all fresh and new with that car, she struggled to get into the seat. I turned on the key. The engine revved quietly into action. “We’ve got to keep moving,” I comforted myself that day.

We’d owned other Subarus before. A set of sedans and a little green Impreza wagon. They’d all done their time in ushering our family around. The brown sedan was a stick shift that got me 450 miles to the tank on highway driving. That was our first new car purchase as a couple. It served us well. The Impreza was a neat little car that I damaged by driving into the garage with my mountain bike affixed to the roof rack. Then my son crashed it into a Toyota Silhouette coming home from a drama party early one morning. There was frost on the windows and he didn’t see the intersection. Totaled it. But like we all have to say, “Life does go on.”

And time slips by. Day by day. Year by year. Mile by mile. We are all vaporous travelers in the slipstream of time. Never forget that and you’ll live fully, or to the best of your ability. Then we get traded in for something else in this universe, either carbon or spirit. But who knows for sure?

Note: I bought a new car, but that’s a topic for another day.

And: an interesting newsblock. “When Subaru first came to the United States, it sold small funky cars that were decidedly un-American. As the company grew its own identity and became more established in the U.S., it became the first automaker to offer an all-wheel-drive passenger car in 1975. Subaru was also an early-adopter of turbocharged engines to bring more power to its line of quirky cars and wagons. Subaru was also one of the first manufacturers to produce a crossover SUV with the Forester in the late ’90s.”